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English
Damn!
Hoping you add more chapters to this!!!
Very good!
Grammar quibbles
Breath is a noun, breathe is a verb, so someone takes two breaths, or someone breathes, but they don't take two breathes.
And "two-piece bikini" is redundant, unless you've seen a one- or three-piece bikini!
Grammar quibbles... whole language quibbles
Seriously bad sentence formation and grammar.
Thanks everyone!
Thanks everybody for your votes, comments, and personal feedback!
I'm sorry for the grammar mistakes, I will work on that. But I'm glad to see that the overall story is being well received.
If I get more requests for additional chapters, I write some.
Thanks again!
HOT!!!
Keep writing, its HOT I love it!!!!!
Can be way hotter with a little editing
Hi, I really enjoyed your story but will have to agree that you need some editing. But keep up the good work. F
Wow
That was worth reading twice !
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