All Comments on 'Step-Sister Amber'

Too many grammer mistakes to get out of the first couple paragraphs!

A little grammar check. Very hard to follow with so many misused words.

Good story, just really bad grammer...

The word "was" should have been used early on to make me want to keep reading beyond the first couple of paragraphs.

This was a very nice story to read and I hope you keep writing more but remember to check your spelling for the next one.

You have a good style and a good grasp of characterization, but the grammatical mistakes make the story a little hard to read or follow. I'd strongly suggest you have one of Literotica's editors run through it and clean it up for reposting.

I just started reading and had to come to the end to add my comment. Please, find a proofreader! Even the best thought out writing goes downhill quickly if riddled with spelling errors and errors in grammar and punctuation. I am sure there are many here on Literotica that would be more than happy to volunteer to help you get your work ready to be published here. Once you take care of that your talent will stand or fall on it's own.

i got maybe two paragraphs in and skipped to the end to tell you to fix your grammer before writing another story.

Was interested in the Subject till I had a problem with the grammer. Great subject, just need to find a good proof reader. BR@BS.net

I gave you a three . It should have been a 4/5, if only I could have read your story in less than an hour. It took me that long to finally understand what you were trying to say! Do not give up! Your story was fine, the method of presentation was lacking.

It might turn out to be a good story, but it seems like English is not your first language so it is very difficult to read and be involved in a story with so many errors.

Don't give up, just get one of the volunteer editors to help you by proof reading it and correcting your mistakes.

Please learn the correct usage of the words where, were, was, and the contraction we're!

First off let me say that I did enjoy this story. With that said you need to find an editor who can go through and find any mistakes in structure and in spelling. You have set a very good foundation and background for the story. If I were you I would send this first chapter to the editor you find and have them point out the problems and rewrite and resubmit before continuing the series; if you don't do that then people reading the first chapter will never go beyond that because of all the mistakes. You have talent but need help which all writers need if they want to be good authors.

So I await the rewrite and following chapters and giving your story better scores. I sincerely hope you continue and not let this keep you drom writing.

However; I think you need to look into getting an editor. Someone who will go through your story and correct any errors in either grammar, spelling or story line.

I couldn't finish your story due to the bad grammar. Please look into getting an editor.

Very good story. Shaky grammar, you really need an editor. But please keep writing, you have tremendous potential.

But you really need an editor. The grammar was just painful. Don't get discouraged about the comments. It almost seemed as English is your second language.

an editor will certainly improve your work. Also, the background of the characters seemed very unrealistic to me. That part kind of ruined the story for me, but I'm also overly picky about stuff like that.

So many errors I could not even finish the first page.

I stopped reading at the 75D bra size... the number is the circumference of the chest below the breasts which means Amber is a HUGE woman!

At the first paragraph.

Someone else said he/she couldn't make it past the first page. Neither could I; the story line might be okay, but for such a "smart" guy (as you describe yourself), no one will ever know it.

Porn and all other writing requires discipline and skills. You have not demonstrated either.

Stick to reading and stop wasting peoples' time by writing.

well that first page was just very very...interesting. It seems like it could have the potential of becoming a small series, i suggest you getan editor and rethink some of the parts of the story. keep at it

I couldn't even make it past the second paragraph. Too many spelling and grammar mistakes. You need to read and re-read your own work before posting it. And it wouldn't help to have a second set of eyes (perhaps an editor) looking at it as well.

You need to use spell check or take a course in english !!!

I'm sorry -- I just couldn't get through the bad writing

Sorry but like the others halfway through the first page I couldn't continue. Very choppy and uncomfortable to read and the tremendous amount of errors only added to my displeasure. Take everyone's advice to heart and for goodness sake find an editor!!!

Same here, I couldn't get through the first page, I don't spell worth crap myself but you made me look good.

72D tits???? She couldn't even walk upright!

In your story you state how smart you are, but your grammer does not support that statement. This has potential, please have someone proof your work.

I must echo the comments of others; I quit after about 4-5 paragraphs because of bad, bad grammar.

you need one!

Your grammar sucks, your spelling sucks. 72D tits? I might believe if they are in metric and not inches.

You are either only four years old or English is not your first language.

English must not be your native language! So many mistakes in common grammer you surely grew up in a non-english speaking atmosphere. Please get yourself an editor for your grammer; your story line shows talent, so, Please keep writing. If you learn from your mistakes your work will improve. Believe it, It does happen!

This truly was a great story. You really do need help with word choice, grammar and spelling, however. PLEASE do not get discouraged by the comments written here and quit writing. Keep at it!

Sailor 61 on the wrong computer

why would a father only take 1 of his 3 kids when he divorces the mom? would that not give the view of favortism over the other 2? would he not know the parents never married so they arent step-sibs?

It makes it hard to evaluate the story, because it 's almost unreadable. Some people can edit their own stories. You need to get an editor.

Couldn't get past the first page! Grammar and spelling was terrible. Please don't post again!

I to have bad spelling but your grammer is so bad i couln't even finish the first page. Did you not at least read what you wrote because any idiot would see their was a problem.

Granted I had trouble with a few words, but over all I would like to see the continuation of this story. The grammar school police can leave a sour and offensive taste. But let that not deter you from finishing.

great story, but you need english lessons

Despite the bad comments, please keep writing. Literotica has volunteer editors who will be happy to help you with grammar so your stories can speak for themselves.

No stars, as this is in no fit state to be read by humans.

Yeah, your grammer needs some work, but all in all the story is very good. I hope you continue with this.

Your comment about grammar just shows how stupid you really are. You're telling this author their grammar needs work but you spell it grammer? That has to be the dumbest thing I've ever read on here.

The story itself was great but there were so many grammar mistakes that it really slowed down the flow of the story. Things like past and present tense and using the wrong words. The misuse of "where" for "were" was so common, almost every other line, it was driving me up the wall. Get an editor to proofread, but besides that great story.

Also, please take note of grammar and word tense usage. Having to figure out what you're trying to say by context detracts from the enjoyment of the story. I suggest finding someone here on lit to edit your stories.

I can understand if English is not your first language, but if that's the case use Literotica's editor service. I legitimately stopped reading 3 paragraphs in; the grammar hurts my head.

I hate people who are quick to find fault, but do not tell you anyway to improve your skills.

Here is a proofreader's trick. First our brain is very good at tricking us. When you read something you have just typed your brain will just slide past the errors cause it says to itself we just wrote that so we know it is correct, no matter the errors.

now for the trick: read what you have written backwards one word at a time. That forces you to focus on that word -spelling -proper usage (like there v their) and finally context. It is funny how the mistakes jump out at you and some will make you laugh.

I liked the story and you show an active imagination. Just go for it and have fun.

Eye kouldn't get pest ur furst perrigraft. PLEASE STOP Rightten!!!!

Very beautiful. Thank you hope there is more