All Comments on 'It Didn't Work Out'

by DG Hear

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  • 93 Comments
thunderfoot1959thunderfoot1959about 11 years ago
Good draft, but needs an edit

It's a good story, but it seems to repeat itself, with variations, in the middle. Why he stopped partying has two explanations. It's mentioned in two places that he's not a particularly caring lover, but his sexuall skills don't appear to be germane.

He admits to not caring too terribly much about his wife, and the not caring overmuch seems to come through in the rest of the story. His lack of passion about himself or his wife may be the reason I don't feel more for him or the other people he describes.

DG HearDG Hearabout 11 years agoAuthor
My stories

I try to write stories the way people seem to be. It isn't always black and white in relationships but seems to be a lot of gray area. I see more and more of this each day with all the differences of opinions.

I write strickly as an amature and for the entertainment value most of my readers receive. Not all stories have happy ending. I may consider furthering this story after the contest is over depending on what comes out of my head. haha

Thank you to all you read my stories, it's always much appreciated.

With Respect

DG Hear

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
You did your duty

This story sounds like reporting in a small town newspaper - road construction and detours or something. There is nothing erotic or even emotional about it. The only purpose seems to be man's man and solid citizen demonstrating to the world what must be done with a cheating wife.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
Deserved each other

Drugged up, boozed up and fucked up. sickening.

Huedogg2Huedogg2about 11 years ago
it still amazes me that in this day and age with all the mixed races

some how having sex with a black man is so taboo. Oh my God she has sex with a black man. Did it really matter? I guess if she fucked a Mexican made he could get past it but a black guy is unforgivable. I don't see where it made any difference what color guy she cheated with, she cheated.

The NavigatorThe Navigatorabout 11 years ago
Awful

What a waste of time. Cardboard cutouts for people. No depth to them at all. Unimaginative plot. Nothing original. The time line was a jumble, like it was put together with cut and paste. In a word: awful.

NeuroBillNeuroBillabout 11 years ago
Perfunctory

Not much insight, not much drama, not much reason to read. You've done much much better, Mr. Hear.

tazz317tazz317about 11 years ago
WHEN THE LOVE GOES SOUR

brown sugar never helps, nor does any sweetener. TK U MLJ LV NV

DunaDunaabout 11 years ago
A consequence story

Consequence story. Very interesting sometime beween a revenge story and a consequence story very small is the difference. Several times a good writen epiloge with a good twist at the end is the different.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
Good story and ending

Jess turned out to be a terrible wife, one who cheats and lies, continued to cheat and lie and they the sham of a Valentine's Day dinner. She also was vindictive when her facade of a mariage was being stripped away from her she got her Father to take almost all the things in the apartment. Funny, since she was the one in the wrong all along. Getting rid of slut Jess was the best thing our hero could have done for himself.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
good but belongs in IR now LW there was no LW here

not up to your normal good standards

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago

he did not put up with that and good for him. she was damaged goods

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
As always DG goes soft on women

He did not wimp out but the bitch got away too easily. As always DG got scared while getting even.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
really boring

it seemed that he would walk away and didn't care about anything, as in the end the slut was hanging around with his sister in this world the sister would no everything.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
Ho hum

I woke up. I got out of bed. I brushed my teeth. I went to work. I... Geez what an interesting collection of almost-events.

The charters are dull, the writing plods, the whole thing is just... I dunno, a snoozer.

But DGH is honest about one thing: "I write strickly as an amature" Yes, and you also write STRICTLY as an AMATEUR.

bruce22bruce22about 11 years ago
That was not interesting

In fact it was obvious what was going to happen from the word go... Personally I like to have some tension. I would say he was lucky to find out that she was completely untrustworthy before they had children...

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
Divorce Stories?

Does anyone really get off on these divorce stories? A story about a couple fighting and getting divorced is about the LEAST erotic thing possible to read.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
I'm a Fan But...

..this really needed more work. Just look at all the repetition in the first few paragraphs.

It was not as original or interesting as DGH usually achieves. For example, the wife was so two-dimesional. At the very least it would have been interesting to know why she seemed so angry when he told her he was leaving. Given the background provided in the story she knew how important fidelity was to him so she should have expected it. After all she wasn't trying to hide her cheating much- she invited her lover(s) to meet her husband!

cantbuymycantbuymyabout 11 years ago

i love your work but this one was a little flat and lacked passion or emotion. sort of - well ho hum. but a good read.

LickideesplitLickideesplitabout 11 years ago
Interstate story

Raleigh, NC to Flagstaff, AZ kinda story. Get on I-40, go West. Arrive!

Interracial was kinda like fueling up in Clinton, OK instead of Amarillo, TX, it really made no difference in anything!

There should have at least been a brief rationale about abortion. Both Hubby AND Sweetie are portrayed as people who would have opted for that immediately, rather than marriage! (Still DO, for that matter!)

OverstarOverstarabout 11 years ago
Not up to your usual quality

You usually put more depth into your stories and don't fly through them quite like that. This story wasn't bad, but not quite at the same level as I'm used to you posting. Thanks for sharing. You shouldn't compromise on your stories, even if it's out of the normal genre you normally write.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
Slow

He was boring , she was bored, and I was bored. What's with that!

Yawn!

GrumpyOldWestyGrumpyOldWestyabout 11 years ago

DG, your story 'Didn't work out' either. Not worth rating. Can you now get back to your usual quality.

Peter

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago

Ummmmm he just let her act like that after cheating and manipulating him? You right! Why do the guys in these stories always want to treat the woman who just fucked up your life with respect? That makes no fucking sense at all!!!

betrayedbylovebetrayedbyloveabout 11 years ago
Decent Tale

One big factor in this tale is that they really didn't fall in love head over heels. They married for the baby. which did not survive. She cheated. brought her husband to swing and he didn't care for it. So they split. Can't really call her a cheating whore because they didn't love each other. Not a bad tale. Thanks.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
Have to agree with Overstar on this.

Your story feels like a bare-bones outline and not an actual story with your usual great characters and depth of story-telling. Maybe it's the pressure of the deadline or something, but while it's a passable story, it's really not up to part with what I'd consider a good DG Hear tale. Props for the effort though, you always entertain.

x_witless_xx_witless_xabout 11 years ago
Oh wow. I've just read the word "dinner" like eight times

in six lines. Not good writing. I know you're better than that so I'm going to go eat, come back and start on paragraph three. No score yet D.G.

Drbeamer3333Drbeamer3333about 11 years ago

The story started out very interesting and then ended with little pizazz. Well written, but it felt like it needed something more toward the end. Since the guy kept mentioning how he didn't love his wife (not to mention they were only married two years), it was hard to care about the marriage ending. I figured there had to be something else about to happen.

gatorhermitgatorhermitabout 11 years ago
Glad to see DGH writing again

I am surprised at all of the negative comments. Clear, concise, and credible story to me.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
Excellent

"Not with a bang but a whimper" Live is a lot like this story. Well done!

Good to see you back and writing.

ythebadgerythebadgerabout 11 years ago
Somewhat bland.

Quite well told, but not a particularly interesting story.

x_witless_xx_witless_xabout 11 years ago
Okay! (Tuna salad)

Fourth and fifth paragraphs were a hook. Good writing. But after setting the scene for an interesting evening of tinkling the ebonies and ivories, you fucking meander off on some sentimental background about your blue collar roots and good ol' Dad (with a capital D) and her getting pregnant and spooning up to each other in the saddening dusk of an already loveless ill-conceived marriage and a not begotten lost child. Heavy. Not only the weed. And then...with the image of his wife that he cares little for in any case sucking the boss's dick (was it humungous? I missed that) whilst the gorgeous Chris wraps her ivories around the (humungous??) ebony pole of ...oh wait I'm getting confused here darn it. Off for some pudding..8*

maninconnmaninconnabout 11 years ago
Like your stuff!

'Nuff said.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
JUST OKAY

dghear could have worked it better , it was too short not up to his standards.. you win some and you lose some

Harryin VAHarryin VAabout 11 years ago
about as interesting as watching paint dry

this may be the worst most boring story DG has ever written.

Think about this

"If you don't mind I have a few joints with me and it's an excellent grade. After drinking I like to smoke a joint or so. I have more than enough for all of us." replied Carl.

Before I could answer Jess said she didn't seen any problem with it so Carl lit up two joints and passed one over for Chris and I to share and said he would share his with Jess since she was sitting on the chair near him.

um WHAT? who the fuck lets that happen? is this guy a potted plant?

um yeah hello its my house...

m48gunnerm48gunnerabout 11 years ago
Can't believe

DG...not one of your best stories, but still OK...can't believe that comment from AN....oh well!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
Yep...sort of missed the mark

The story title could have been this comment title.

The main problem with it, in my mind, is that it circled around the block a few times, came back to where it started and then took off in a different direction. Lacking in organization, unfortunately.

Fighting41Fighting41about 11 years ago
Rushed

Feel's very rush liked you pumped it out to make it into the Valentines Day comp. Not up to your usual high standards DGH

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago

Too rushed, I think it's your wort story. Not even going to rate it.

digdaddyrichdigdaddyrichabout 11 years ago
A nicely written story

Although the emotional level seemed to be a little flat, but the story was still enjoyable.

It just seemed that he was unemotional when he found out Jess was fucking around on him and he just wrote her off, like a bad business deal. Perhaps it was that he never really loved her in the first place.

Thanks for the read.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
Not up to par!

Not your best story, by far. It is a little disappointing to read a DG Hear story, and have it fall flat...usually it is just the reverse.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
Reasonably short tale.

Should of been more consequences for her, such as discovering her lover had gotten her pregnant. Her lover destroys a marriage while getting free pussy; gets off free. A followup with deserved consequences is in order.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
I gave it 5 stars ...

... very believable.

Panther Fan.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
Should do a follow up!

It would be cool to see a second chapter!!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
hope she catches a disease for being a whore

worthless cheaters deserve to burn and rot with nothing and she deserves to be treated like trash.

chytownchytownabout 11 years ago
Thanks***

For the read.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
Predators

You should have done something about the predators, they were the one's that ruin the relationship. That was a big miss for me. Good read anyways keep it up

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
"It didn't work out" ....

.... neither did your story! Too many wimp/cuck husbands appearing in your tales these days .. careful DG or you'll end up like "Ms." Moreau.

Jim44444Jim44444about 11 years ago
Disappointed

I was glad to see an entry in the contest from DGHear, usually a superb story teller. Not this time. Too short, too bland, too predictable. None of the characters had any redeeming qualities. The Henry's were just looking for a plaything, the wife just wanted a buddy to party with, and the hubby had the emotions of a fish (if that much). There is no need for a next chapter. The best part of this story is that it got the racists and the women haters in a tizzy.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago

I think Mr. Wolf should work on his editing skills, he seems to have trouble knowing which words to get rid of and how a sentence should flow in order to get maximum effect from each line.

If you deleted your first paragraph and began with "I was surprised. . ." it would have been better. You could work in later your disdain for celebration.

Concise and to the point is the way to my heart in a short story. You have good ideas and write fairly well, but lose it in the inconsistent storytelling.

LA213LA213about 11 years ago
DG Hear

I like tha fact you're still around. I recently found out about your stories && haven't being able to stop reading those brilliant masterpiece. Anyways, I didn't read this story sooner bcuz I was intrigued with your other work. && I have to sadly agree with with the other commets. Not your best work. && actually a second chapter can brighten everyone's mood....

P.S. For tha people who disrespected DG Hear. His not alone still has me && million other fans. So, don't bother making stuiped remarks about his story!!! Capisce?. Lol

RePhilRePhilabout 11 years ago
I'd like to read that other story

Keep Trucking

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
Okay...

To Huedog...don't be naïve...isn't that why we have interracial sex stories? White women having sex with black men has been historically taboo for 2-3 hundred years now in America. Isn't that what makes a stroke story more exciting for so many? How better can one make a white man a totally disrespected cuckold than by having his woman fuck a black man in preference to him? That's why these stories read better with black lovers instead of white. Sure we know that's not reality...but it sells much better as a fantasy. I am sure many black males are disgusted with this ongoing fantasy concerning their supposed size differences and special abilities to cum in huge quantities.

I...like you...wish that writers didn't use this fantasy in cheating wives stories. I can always go to interracial stories for that. I think most of us want some realism in cheating wives stories...though I realize all these stories are just that...stories!

Neither of these characters were much...but adding black lovers to the mix added even more humiliation upon the husband in this so-called marriage of convenience. The wife was bored and not really in love with her husband...so have her show even more contempt for her husband and the marriage. Nothing personal!

NavyGuy93NavyGuy93about 11 years ago
Life IS a Beach...

This story has too much sand and grit. It sounds too much like a macabre, french movie. Some folks like that, but, for me good sex should be dark or brooding, which this story definitely is. It's well written, just not my cup of coffee. It smacks of an outdated, racist, ethos that has no place in current American thought. It says in effect, that it's still alright for a white man to have sex with a black woman, but not vice versa. WRONG! Whatever is good for the goose... Please do not propagate this sexist, racist, wrong-headedness any further. Make your stories promote equality instead.

This story, with another chapter could very easily have him recognize the error of his thinking, and spend most of the chapter learning from Chris, Carl, and Jess how to be a better lover, citizen, and man. Chris and Jess teach him about sex, Carl helps him learn the emotional and mental aspects of manhood (as opposed to the more subconscious, physical side), and they all three teach him that racism and sexism are both vile. The story could be really erotic, romantic, and civil all at the same time, as the reader enjoys a thoroughly fascinating adventure. The final result would be that the reader, rather than being left depressed, is left uplifted, encouraged, and braced for another sexual, life experience.

Huedogg2Huedogg2about 11 years ago
I agree to a point anon 2/3/13

Anything other than the same race is considered taboo. French men are "bi". White men lick pussy, black guys don't, Asian's have little dicks, Mexican's steal and rape everybody. There all sterotype's, so use all of them instead just the black men and white women. Please and as far as the rest of that crap you spouted, look around, when you have whore's, oops I meant pornstars. Like Alexis Texas, Dylan Ryder and a few others that don't fuck blackmen because their black well doesn't that blowsw the arguement you made out of the water? After all their whores, I know some of you disagree, but if you get paid to fuck on carmera or not, your a whore.

cantbuymycantbuymyabout 11 years ago

dog is right about using the black man for an evilcharacter. personally i like using black women with white men for love interests and ignore black men as characters. get them dogg and write something more will you?

ramonbrookramonbrookover 10 years ago
Let me just start by saying ......

I love your style and all your works and felt the same with this story! I would have liked a little more dialogue between him and Jess where she showed a little more remorse about what she did! She wanted to stay with her husband but she did t really try to change his mind.

Only my opinion! You are the author.

phil2213phil2213about 10 years ago
Unpleasant story of conniving lowlife skank wife and faithful husband and collapse of their marriage.

Expertly prepared story with emotions and contemplation of life decisions. The couple were fairly new into their marriage at under two years when this occurred. Quite remarkably, the wife engineered the swap blatantly to the husband's obvious chagrin. The ease of the seduction was out of character for a truly loving couple which definitely had plausibility issues. Sharing a romantic occasion such as Valentine's Day is quite unusual and it would be a red flag for any husband in my humble opinion. Secondly, getting high with persons you've just met is also peculiar unless you're an alcoholic or junky. The orchestration of the swap itself was extremely discomforting. There was no prior discussion or discussing during its process of happening. This was also implausible. A husband after copulation may go bizerk with his wife getting used. I didn't like this story but it was extremely well written.

TavadelphinTavadelphinalmost 10 years ago
Weird comments -

I did not see racism - I saw an angry man betrayed by a wife who had no respect for him - not really. I do not think she told him the truth and never would have.

Any time people of different groups get together you will hear the question - "Ever been with a FILL IN AFFILIATION HERE". It does need to come from racism on either side, it can come from simple curiosity, as mentioned there are lot's of stereotypes - most are dead wrong - a very few have some basis in something resembling reality and there ar of course individuals who represent all the best and worst of the stereotypes and even use them to gain advantage - not because of what they are but who they are.

Here we had a couple that is age mismatched and they swing - no plans on children - with anybody - set up against a couple - one of which wants a family in the future - one of which wants more sex and entertainment now. Both couples are mismatched one pair works the other never will. Live well and separate.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 10 years ago
Hateful actions of wife should've been exposed

I guess this cried out for a BTB ending; just plain divorce seemed like too little punishment for what she did.

krosis666krosis666almost 10 years ago
Wife was a cunt

and so was his sister. What kind of sister helps and covers for the cheating wife of her own brother?

krosis666krosis666over 9 years ago
Look at that

I posted a comment on the wrong story! Gods DO make mistakes. Who would've thunk it?

EAPoeEAPoeover 9 years ago
Well done, but not one of your best

The characters were recognizable as DG Hear characters, but were not drawn as sharply as in your other stories. BTW, half of $4,000 and $500 is not $2,500.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 9 years ago
gotta keep

white and black people/beings in seperate storie, no inner mixing.

2 star

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 9 years ago
Thank goodness

she miscarried. What a mess this would have been!

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
5 stars!

The cheater had to go! She was a liar and a cheat game over! Good story finally the white guys stands up for himself!!!

PTraumPTraumover 8 years ago
Really didn't get a chance to know the characters...

This could have been somewhat longer. I didn't feel that enough time was spent on the characters' back stories and that led to just not caring about what happened. Didn't feel any need or desire to "see her/him/them get theirs"...didn't care one way or the other that he went off to start over and presumably have his happy ever after and so on and so on. I saw a lot of potential for this story, but the way it was presented was almost clinical.

EgoTrixiEgoTrixiover 8 years ago
I feel you kind of rushed through it...

..and I agree that it could have had a braoder platform. One thing I gign´t understand, though:

" four thousand dollars in our savings account and five hundred in our checking. We'll split it down the middle twenty five hundred dollars each."

In my account it meant 2250 each...Twenty five hundred would be 2500, right?

AnonymousAnonymousover 7 years ago
Asusual you write technically well, but.....

This is not up to your high standards. We married for convenience, we lived conveniently, when she was no longer convenient, he divorced her. No love no angst, and no twist or irony.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 7 years ago
geen mnkey fucker tales

always 1 *

AnonymousAnonymousabout 6 years ago
Pule of shit

1*

danoctoberdanoctoberabout 6 years ago
Another DG Hear Classic!

Short and to the point. *****

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 6 years ago
.??

Why even write it?

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 6 years ago
Would

Would like a follow on.

TrevarnoTrevarnoover 5 years ago
The married was finish

Like to hear Jess story about this and he did not

love her anymore, so non of them worked for it.

26thNC26thNCover 5 years ago
Short

Should have.left her in a little worse shape than he found her. Way too easy on the cheating bitch.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
More

Should have got more revenge on the three of them,especially Carl and Chris.

WhoGivesAShitWhoGivesAShitalmost 5 years ago
Crisply written

I liked that there wasn’t a lot of BS. Yes, she cheated Moore than once. Yes, she set him up for a lifestyle he hadn’t agreed-to.

He also admitted that they married out of obligation; that he didn’t think he loved her; and that he questioned whether she loved him. They both understood that they weren’t at the same phase of life: him ready to be settled with a family; she still needed to party. That’s a lot of weight against their marriage lasting.

Maybe some revenge would make the story more interesting, but he was a realist and then story was quite realistic. As soon as he “owned’ having sex with Chris, he lost the moral high ground to justify revenge.

Moving on with the least possible pain was completely in character for him... although in fairness, he should have been present when she took furniture; maybe changed the locks; or at a minimum, negotiated who-got-what (or settled cash values to split the furniture). She was a shit for cheating, and a worse shit for cleaning-out the furniture. But at the same time he was a solid stand-up guy.

Not a 5-star story, but definitely a solid 4.

TwopullTwopullabout 4 years ago
Story or a news report?

Looked more like a page 9 news report than a story

Just_WordsJust_Wordsover 3 years ago
He had no choice.

He needed to be rid of her. She was a cheater, a liar, and a manipulator. You can't build a marriage on that.

26thNC26thNCover 3 years ago
Good story

Second time. He was lucky to find out was a cheating whore he married early in the relationship.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 3 years ago

Stopped reading what you forced her to be a mudshark .

Stories lose all appeal to me at that point because blacks are extremely unattractive .

The story can no longer make sense at that point to me .

One star

- Julie

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 3 years ago

From a coalburning slut to a single mother, this guy sure knows how to pick 'em.

BigfundrewBigfundrewover 2 years ago

I would have liked to see that the other come were made aware that they destroyed a marriage

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

Wheres the payback on the Henrys. This sucked.

SunnyU2SunnyU2over 2 years ago

Meh, I've read many of your stories. You are good writer, but either you don't know how write black people or you are just a racist

to bad, as like I said, you are a decent writer.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 2 years ago

Thank God some men have the balls to do what needs to be done.

5*

BJ

NovemberComingFireNovemberComingFireover 1 year ago

This is idiotic lmao. “Oh I didn’t really try to learn what gets my wife off I just put my little dick in her till I cum”.

That’s when I started praying she would cheat . Dumb fucking story

AnonymousAnonymousover 1 year ago

Hated this one. How about some payback on Carl?

inka2222inka222210 months ago

I didn't hate this but the fact that the cheating lying bitch got zero punlishment for her betrayal makes this story bleh at best.

HighBrowHighBrow9 months ago

This Femdom agitprop is very painful to me because the MC is also culpable, so easily corru. True, people are like that, but I find it upsetting.

AnonymousAnonymous7 months ago

This was kind of a boring story and none of the characters were in any way likeable.

AnonymousAnonymous24 days ago

Yawn

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I want to thank all the readers who read and comment on my stories. If anyone would have told me 8 yrs ago (now it's 16 yrs ago) I would be writing stories (on an adult web site) I would have laughed at them. Thank you so much for the feedback and comments. It's what keep m...