All Comments on 'The Old King and the New Bride Ch. 05'

This was a fun, well thought out story. Kind of an erotic "For the Love of Evil". Thanks!

why don't you think about writing a story about Beelzebub and the girl he falls in love with

A baaad girl, but in a good way. One who can stand up to him and handle him. He's too good a character to leave like this.

Thank you for this series, it's been great!

Loop, Spine. I wrapped my arms around his neck. I finally showed my capability, my nerve, that I'm not afraid. Anything. Oh, and I hope that one day, I too can impress my dad and become a lovely grill. I'm going to attribute that to spell check or something. But, nevertheless, I thoroughly enjoyed this story. It was rather innovative. Although some of Michelle's input was very redundant. Not to mention completely illogical. 'Wow, I have no idea what my husband could be inviting his twin over for, who happened to just be eyeing me salaciously because me huge boobs were hanging out. I also managed to overcome the grief and confusion of my fathers death in 5 minutes, due to my discussing it with myself using the most pathetic vernacular possible'. Thank you for that. Very insightful.

Gotta love a bad boy!! I love these stories! I hope you keep going because all the Princesses are growing up, Beezlebub and Satan need wives too. This series is FANTASTIC!!! I want to see more Kerion also which is really really weird for me because I hate and am so terrified of spiders, but he is wicked awesome. That is some real fine writing, making me like a freaking horrible demon spider!

that you wont be taking the story any further, there's so much more in this! However well done on writing such a brilliant story & I'm sure you would be successful should you ever choose to pursue a career in writing.

Wonderful end to your story, even though it has so much potential to continue. You should start branching out with the new characters you introduced, they seem very intriguing and it'd be wonderful to see them grow in the viewer's eyes. Beautiful story, once again.

I have loved all these stories!!! Thanks so much! I am kinda like the rest of these folks....Hate to see it end!!!

Such an amazing story. I loved every chapter. It's a shame it has to end. Thank you.

Yeah, I actually just skipped ahead and gave it a 5 and then went back to the begining to read. I already knew I would love it and I did. ah, miky and lan, perfect couple, haha. Ouch, to clit ring, made me cringe. I know i know its not really the actual clit thats pierced, it the protective hood but OWWWWY. Love the story. So can not wait to see whats next. Thanks for sharing.

I hope to GOD it's not! I love your writing style and how you portray your characters! I've fallen in adoration for all of them! For their passion and personality. Will we get a story about Beelzebub's wife?

Who knew that Lucifer had a split personality? What a great idea! It easily explained how Lucifer didn't seem to be such a bad guy. Wonderful story! Bravo! I am definitely a fan.

Your characters invited me in, and made me never want to leave. I adore the dichotomy of your anti-hero, and the badass attitude Michele maintains throughout. I loved everything about this. Bravo!!

I'm so sad this is over, I absolutely loved this story! You have quite the way with words, and the way you wound plot and sexy sexy SEXY moments together, fantastic :) I very rarely comment on stories, but I absolutely loved this. Keep up the great stories!

man your just awesome in your judgement style you have just shown what is required for a couple to be eternally together and I give u 5 stars for not prolonging the story to the point of desperation and boredom I would have really hated it

You should really write the story of Beelzebub's bride. You know, like make a whole intertwining series thing. What would be cool, is if you put them through the mother of all shitballs for like an epic finale!! Maybe find some images or music to listen to while reading, it adds sooooo much atmosphere..... I love your writing, its done very tastefully, and I hope you continue this story line, maybe even throwing another royal in the mix..... Would add an interesring twist.

I'm laying in my hotel on a Friday night because this series was just THAT good!! I could not pull myself away. Sightseeing? Who cares? This story totally takes priority.

So sad to see it end, but I thank you for sharing. Being religious, I don't always feel comfortable with demonic/ Lucifer stories, but OMG! This was truly WONDERFUL! Romantic, passionate, entertaining, engaging, surprising... Just WONDERFUL.

Now I can explore the new city. ;-)

This was truly one of THE BEST stories I've ever read. Character development was a surprising treasure. Your descriptive word choice and scene setting allowed for easy following and transitions. I'm in awe of this story and characters.

There is just something about having Satan pierce Michelles clit while Lucifer is holding her open, that just does it for me. (my favorite part. Gets the juices flowing)

My question is: where was the necklace he gave Michelle? That should have been the red flag, not just the pet names and nipple rings. The necklace isn't mentioned again.

[Feedback: better tags. I ran across this story then lost it and couldn't find it because it's lacking the appropriate tags. When it doubt- OVER TAG! Use names, demons, nipples, clit, husband, brother, wife, hell, pierced, piercing, twins, threesome, etc. Don't limit yourself. Because this story is worth it.]

Thank you for a very wonderful read...you should definitely consider a continuation with Beelzebub and the rest of the fallen angels when you get the chance :)

You are an amazingly creative writer! Yes, this story has been told many times but the concept of love turning over evil doesn't get old.

At a lot of points however it was very hard to stay focused on the story- I can understand that Michelle is 19 and therefore thinks like a 19 year old but it ruined the plot for me with the childishness.

This had the potential to be so much more- to highlight the pain that Lucifer goes through on a daily basis because of what he has lost and what he must now do. How he finds love with that which he most despised. How Michelle grows to love him not because of the amazing sex but because she understood his pain. There were few paragraphs about that but it's not enough. Ultimately I saw Michelle as only his sex toy with a glorified royal title.

I hope someday you will rewrite this story and do it the justice it deserves! Good luck with your writing!

I loved it! Laughed, cried, got pissed off...couldn't want any more!

Plz keep writing this made me laugh, cry, smile, frown, hold my breath.............

My fave story by far

Sooo, technically Michelle wore the same dress for 5 1/2 months? Honestly, that's the only thing that bothered me about the story, petty as it is. With her glorious wardrobe why does she wear the same dress every day? Other than that, 5 stars! Great story!

Maybe the love between Lucifer and Michelle results in a baby??? hm, i wounder... sorry that it was the last chapter. Great story. I did'nt like that Lucifer hit here, but the rest was just mindblowing.

I was loving and recommending this story, not even halfway through reading it myself.

Then you turned the king of Hell into Edward Cullen.

The sex scenes were very "young adult" geared with a few "naughty" words tossed in.

Maybe I am overreacting but the way I loved the story at the beginning is the way I dislike it now. Disappointed and conflicted.

That's the only point where this story is somewhat disappointing.

As someone else suggested, can't you find a girl for him, too?

Aww damn, tear-jerker with her dad! And honestly I felt bad for Satan, I don't think Michelle needed to be so scared of him. He sounded pretty sexy. But anyway great story. I've read others of yours before and was super excited to read this one.

The only serious suggestion I would throw in is spelling. Check it again and again or grammar and spelling Nazi's like me will find them, he-he. I definitely got a kick out of her dad calling her a grill, but you know, still a wonderful story.

The only serious suggestion I would throw in is spelling. Check it again and again or grammar and spelling Nazi's like me will find them, he-he. I definitely got a kick out of her dad calling her a grill, but you know, still a wonderful story.

A thoroughly enjoyable read, even if not purely for the sexual aspects. Thanks for writing! :)

I'm so sad !!!!!! Why only 5 chapters ? Please write more it has so much potential.... Michelle needs to have a kid...Beezbel Story has to continue and maybe give a chapter for leyna and lilith describing why they react to things they way they do people aren't just born snobs and evil even Lucifer has a background story explaining why he is so bad . Satan should find his own woman Because it doesn't make sense for Michelle to put up with him... Anyways Pretty Please write more !!!!!!

This is definitely my favorite out of all your stories! Would love to see a story about Julie and Pathos or even Beezlebub and his new bride! Keep doing what you are doing! You have a great talent on your hands :)

This was amazing!! If you wrote a squeal to this that would be so awesome!! Keep up your work, you're great!

I enjoyed this story..This is more of a review for people who might read it since i doubt the author will even see it. This was a good read overall. Their was a cast of characters we've read about with the author's chracterizations which were interesting, with some being fun, some surprisingly lovable, some dreadful and immature. There were some creative decisions, like the 'twins' which worked really well. I liked the fact that Dad made a showing at the end.

Overall, it was an entertaining story. I think you showed their relationship develop between Michelle and Lucifer really well throughout the whole story and the late twist with his 'twin' explained the unexpected sides of this feared creature that is king of the underworld. Yet, he still had that edge with his temper and he was far from perfect with his controlling attitude. She was a strong personality which he needed and which will earn her respect from many of their subjects as we see happen. She'll need to win as many as she can b/c hell is not an easy place to live. At the same time she had a bit of a submissive side , especially in their bed, and in some interactions which served to give him that sense of power which I think allowed him to let her be the strong woman she was without getting bitter. She seemed to be good at picking her battles.

****

All that said, I would say that a good beta reader might have helped you step it up a notch from great to clean it up and make it even better. There were some small things that got me like she never ate!! She had that elusive meal that kept being put off by events and she'd have starved to death. Mom could have been made to bring in a meal which would have been fun to see and driven her role home and taken care of her human need to eat.

The scene where he loses control and a spanking turns into abuse even by her account and then she reacts like an abused person making excuses and eventually praising him for feeling guilty didn't sit well for me. I understood your showing his personality fault of losing his temper, but it really annoyed me, especially her reaction. i'd have liked to see her strong personality carry through and you could have had her take her friend's (at the wedding) advice of grabbing him by the balls if he got out of line.

The fact that she wore the same dress always was wierd. Especially given the huge closet of stuff she had.

I'd have liked to know more about how she would be able to live in hell when she was still human with all its frailties. How would she not be attacked again? You didn't answer that. What would protect her from the next attack or plot, afterall she is in hell with the worst of the worst and it will happen again. Having a tough mouth won't save her from demons and succubi with powers she can't begin to imagine.

I'd have love to see him take her on a tour by flight. What was the point of those awesome wings when he never flew. Even if he used them instead of the 'hellavator'--cute idea as that was.

Beta readers could even make a suggestion about plot points which you can take or not and one i would have made is to have ended with her being pregnant. That would hae been an interesting ending after her night with the twins. Afterall, the father would determine alot about the prince of hell!

Overall, good read.

Are you going to write stories for the other fallen angels?

I had to stop in the middle of this and listen to My Name Is Satan

Why the fuck, especially with a closet full of options, is she wearing the same slutty dress for 5 1/2+ months?

One of the best stories I have read. Couldn't get enough. Sad it was the last chapter. Great story interesting without being overboard.

Can't wait to read more of your works.

Do you at all intend on continuing this series? I've seen a few other readers comment that they'd like to see you write about Beelz and his new wife next. You hinted in the last chapter of OKNB that we will get to see another angel's story following his new romantic interest. I think that would be a very good starter, considering you haven't posted in about three years. I think a lot of us who really enjoy your work just want to know if you intend on posting more, or at all for that matter.

Soo good sad to see it end, maybes could have made a 6 and 7 chapter of maybe a war of hell and haven and Michelle and Lucifer has to endure the stress of it or something. But good story 5/5!