All Comments on 'Our New World Ch. 01'

pointless, no males no repopulation means they would probably starve or get bored with just the 4 of them since you didnt mention anything about farming or hunting expierence. besides having the temp at 80 dgs all year round would kill most of the veg life and animals.

This wasn’t bad, for the most part. I realize that this is pure fantasy, of course, but there are a lot of inconsistencies. For instance:

Bank tellers don’t go into vaults to count the money, especially if the society you’ve made up is so advanced, they have “computer robots” (not just robots, mind you, but computer ones) to summon, it stands to reason that actual money would have been replaced by some other monetary value system.

If Lucille was flying in a helicopter, then she would have been the one to see the explosions.

“Daisy then finished by saying, "I was in a box a few feet below the Earth." Daisy had just been abused by her husband, wanting to kill her and get her business.” WHAT? Why was she still alive if he already had her in a box? Was she tied up? If not, why not? I also honestly don’t think a bomb of that type or magnitude would bypass someone that was only a few feet below the earth, unless they were completely covered by dirt, which would then beg the question, how did she get out?

“Left in just their bikinis, they threw their shoes into the pile along with their socks. At last, they made the final cuts to their bras, and forever their bouncy and impressive boobs were exposed. This was followed by swift cuts to each girl's panties”. First they’re in bikinis and then they’re in bras and panties? Which one? Why would they have had bikinis under their clothes, save for Eliza who might have still had hers on because of the work that she did? And, why would they burn their clothes? What about getting sunburned and protecting themselves from the UV rays of the sun? And they just HAD to cut their clothes off, not just take them off and THEN cut them up if they absolutely HAD to?

“Eliza, in an atypical insulting manner, reminded her, "The astronauts were all wiped out when the ISS exploded and made it impossible to get anybody back into space. There is nobody in space to repopulate the planet." HUGE plot hole!

It almost sounds like the start of a joke: “Four women, a blonde, brunet, redhead and black haired one all found themselves to be the last living souls on Earth…”

Also, how the hell did the four of them just happen to show up at the same place at the same time? And they were the only people in the entire world that happened to be “shielded” from the blast? Really?

I realize that this is your first offering, and you had to make a lot of things justifiable to move the plot along, but you really need to think things through, first. I know, because I’m in the process of writing an “aftermath” type story myself, and it requires a great deal of “what if?” thinking. Anyway, even though the story was more than a little rushed, It’ll be interesting to see where you try to take it.

John (WK)

This is an intriguing start to what could be a very interesting story. Think ET. Please keep going, I for one, want to see where this goes!!!

if Lucille was at high altitude in a helicopter? why no other aircraft the ones that fly 6 miles up didnt survive what a disorganised ill thought out load of twaddle why would these girls/women not need their shoes the climate may be fixed! but I would bet the rocks glass gravel hot tarmac etc would still be unpleasant to walk on spend more than five minutes on a story outline after you engage your brain and before you imbibe on mind altering substances

Then we can judge.

All living things? All animals, plants - you're gonna get hungry girls! Heaps of people would have been similarly protected like these ditzes - submariners, plane passengers in the air, miners.