All Comments on 'South Mountain Pack Ch. 05'

by pocketbooklover

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Speedy1106Speedy1106about 11 years ago
more please

Can't wait for the next chapter, this one was great. Really enjoying this story. Keep up the great work.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
Love it!

I'm obsessed with this story! Can't wait for the next chapter.

baldsexybrawlerbaldsexybrawlerabout 11 years ago
can't wait

Glad to finally find out why Scott hates Anthony, and that scene in the kitchen was hilarious. Looking forward to Chapter 6, post quickly

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
Please hurry

Please get the next chapter out as quick as u can i so want to know how the maria alberto thing goes down and hear about ant kicking scotts ass and sophias date with ant

ChurosChurosabout 11 years ago
Length is good

It is so long. But not much happened. The 'tell' is winning over the 'show' I guess. It's okay though, to let everyone know what the Carlucci's and Rossi's are doing. But sometimes, you can spare us some of the details. And the boys, lol. Okay understandable. They are werewolves. I thought they could only impregnate their mates. Oh of course it is different in the story. I still don't know who is who so I will prepare a cheat sheet. Ehehe.

So Alberto finally scents Maria. But they already met before (the brownies?), in fact, I thought Alberto is a friend of her brothers. Oh, nevermind, hihi.

Keep writing.

ariesgirlariesgirlabout 11 years ago

Since the dads have no problems with their boys having sex as much as that want do the girls get taught the same thing too? I'm going to guess and say they are against that behavior for the girls. If that is the case the males are hypocrites with double standards.

I wonder what Anthony will tell Sophia if she asks about his sexual experiencces.

baldsexybrawlerbaldsexybrawlerabout 11 years ago
to ariesgirl

reread chapter 3, I had the same thought about the men being hypocrites with the boys boinkin everything in sight, but I remembered there was a reason behind the girls being so protected. to protect them from unwanted matings, rape and unwanted attention from pervs, plus the whole decrease in female birthings thing. when new chapters come up I read those and go back and glance back over the old ones, helps to refresh this old mans memory.

ariesgirlariesgirlabout 11 years ago

Baldsexybrawler,

I remembered all their pack's laws and rules mentioned that is why I was amazed at how the fathers teaches them about safe sex and have no problem with them being playboys till they meet their mates. And they cheer themselves on like they are playing sports. It seems to be a double standard if they don't trust the females to have safe sex just like the guys. Since they have to hide their sexual behavior and their talks then they should see there is something wrong. They shouldn't expect the females to remain virgins while the guys get to screw around till they find their mate.

I guess you can tell I have an issue with the males' behavior. I think I get too much into these stories sometimes. I would like to find out from the author if the females and males are given the same treatment.

pocketbookloverpocketbookloverabout 11 years agoAuthor
A note from the author

The first thing that I would like to say is that I am honored and thrilled that people seem to like my stories and are dissecting the motives and reasons behind what I have written. As with any author, anything that I have written is for a reason, the reason may not be apparent at first, but it will become evident. As another commenter had noted, the girls are protected the way they are until they turn 18 to ensure their physical and mental well being.

The two main girls in my story are just that, 15 year old girls. The boys are aged 15 to 18, but only the older boys have engaged in sexual activity, and they have done so making sure that they have used condoms and only with girls over the age of 18. I haven't introduced any Pack females over the age of 18 yet, but every female hasn't been mentioned yet. I also never said that the females had to remain virgins until they mated, just until they turned 18.

As for the way the boys talk, from my experience with both older and younger brothers, cousins and friends that is the way that men talk when they get together. They may deny it to our face when we ask them, but I know from eavesdropping on my family when I was younger that men talk about sex constantly, especially young teenage boys.

I hope that this clears up any questions or issues that you had, please feel free to continue commenting. Chapter 6 is done and waiting on the final edit, and should be submitted soon, and its a long one.

AhzureDragonAhzureDragonabout 11 years ago
Good

Still holding my attention with the family drama in a pack life. I must say with younger characters I did question what the story was doing on Lit. But I have really enjoyed it thus far. Can't wait to read about the Hell breaking loose at the end. I find it interesting that there has to be a reason these girls are finding their mates younger than normal. Wonder what that could be?? And I am sure more hell will break loose when the family of all girls shows up. That will make a great twist. Keep up the good work.

hakdrakkenhakdrakkenabout 11 years ago
Oh brother

I gave it four stars, but reading the author's comment about "that's really how men talk" made me want to give it three.

As if. That was just stupid.

baldsexybrawlerbaldsexybrawlerabout 11 years ago
men don't talk about sex???

Hakdrakken, once again you have shown what an idiot you are. You think men don't talk about sex or women? Where did the term "locker room talk" came from? How do you think women get reputations? As a 52 year old happily married man I still talk about women. Leave the author be, if you don't like the story, then stop reading and save us from your inane comments.

KyriaeKyriaeabout 11 years ago
baldsexybrawler

i agree with you and i am also going to say is women talk about men and sex too and the author has shown it as well when maria and sophia were in the store.............

anyways to the author job well done............... i can wait to see what is going to happen with maria and alberto and as well as the arrival of the ten daughters........... i hope when they come another family comes with them which increases the female population and cause a mass of declarations (tehehehhehehhe)

hakdrakkenhakdrakkenabout 11 years ago

Of course men talk about sex. If you think that's what I meant then I'm sorry for not being more clear. We also breathe air when we're talking... Was I supposed to point out all of the obvious stuff?

My point was that nobody talks like the author has them talking. Dads listening to their sons talk about gang-bangin' orgies with cheerleaders? Yeah, right.

"But they're werewolves, not regular people."

Yeah. And that excuse works as long as you don't actually think about the implications for these werewolves who look and act enough like people that the humans around them don't notice.

Gimme a break. Anybody who thinks this is how PEOPLE actually talk has spent a little too much time in fantasy land while living in mummy's basement.

If this story was indicative of the overall quality on Lit, the site would have gone under years ago. I'm not going to waste my time with high school-level wolf drama storytelling, and I'm not going to worry about what anybody thinks of my comments either. I've dished out lots of praise and constructive criticism, but the best thing I can say about South Mountain Pack is that each chapter has and end.

As does this comment.

baldsexybrawlerbaldsexybrawlerabout 11 years ago
to hakdrakken

Well if you don't like the story then stop reading it, plain and simple. I really like the story and so do many others apparently. I checked your profile and you haven't had the courage or writing talent to submit anything of your own. When you do then the rest of us will get to comment on your masterpiece.

secretitosecretitoabout 11 years ago
To hakdrakken

I beg to differ SOME men do talk like that and as the author herself pointed out she based them on what SHE experienced. Or will you now call her a liar? I myself have had more guy friends than girlfriends as well as have spent much of the past 15 years around sailors. I can also say some of the talk that I have been privy to can be very graphic, though most of the time embellished. Women can be just as bad when they want to. It just takes a strong stomach and a thick skin to sit through it. When I was reading this authors version of "guy talk" I was able to picture guys I know being these characters. Bottom line you may want to be a little more careful when you generalize because I doubt you've heard every conversation taking place. You may not know personalities like this but just maybe someone else does.

As for the author sorry for the rant but I had to get that out. Keep up this entertaining story. My only gripe is minor inconsistencies but we're only at the tip of the iceberg with this story so I'm counting on explanations coming to light in later chapters. It's been a hilarious read so far. Thank you for sharing it.

PaganKittyPaganKittyabout 11 years ago
Hakdrakken

As you prove with each post men DEFINITELY breathe air..in your case most of it hot and foul. Go back to your cave please and let us enjoy what we wish to enjoy. Didn't your mama teach you that if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all? Mine did, which is why i'll end my comment here. =^_^=PK

Speedy1106Speedy1106about 11 years ago
more please

Really enjoy this story, can't wait for more. Hope to see more soon.

fefe428fefe428about 11 years ago
Don't want to add to the controversy

While I do think some of the "guy talk" indicated in the story is a bit far fetched for reality I'm still enjoying the story. Then again, I like to read because stories can be fanciful and don't have to be true to life. I can't wait to see what happens next, especially since you've left us with a cliff hangar. I suspect I know what's going on with Alberto, but it'll be fun to see what happens. I just hope that Sophia doesn't end up getting hurt by Scott.

drews_lette11drews_lette11about 11 years ago
Damn it!!

I knew Alberto would claim Maria as his mate but did you have to end this chapter this way?

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
HOT!!!!!!!!!

Awesome!!!!!!!! Just unbelievably amazing!!!! Plz hurry!! Don't leav us hanging!!!! Love every single chapter!

jazz1190jazz1190about 11 years ago

more more and more I cant wait to read more...

polgaranightpolgaranightabout 11 years ago
YES!!!!!

Now the fun is really gonna start. Yes, (hands rubbing together, snicker, snicker). LOL

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
Can't wait

I'm in love with this story. I just can't wait for Sophia to turn 16 so they can finally share there first kiss.

Keep it up! :)

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
Love it love it love it

I need more chapters absolutely love it. I aways check for updates 2this story when I can. Love sofia and anthony.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
cant wait!

I am absolutely in love with this story! When is the next chapter coming??

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
So good!!

I love this!!! I cannot wait to read more!! Please post soon :)

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
me again ms love it love it

U knw hw they say curiosity killed the cat?? Well I'm positively dying 2read the next chapters 2this story. Please update sooon. Call me viv. I'm becoming one of ur biggest fans. I love ur work. U'll always have my five star vote.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
when?!!

I've been waiting a week!! I cant wait to read the next chapter!!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
Oh my god

I am so madly in love with this story. I can't wait for chapter 6. Keep up the good work :)

bignsassy818bignsassy818about 11 years ago
Recently discovered

You must continue!!! I just discovered this story and absolutely fell in love. You can't keep us hanging!!! Great work and keep it up! :)

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
Love it!

I love this story but you have to submit ch.6 already!!!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago

I really hope that chapter six comes out soon. I started this story when it first came ou,which wasnt very long ago, and ive loved it sciene then.

Speedy1106Speedy1106about 11 years ago
hehe

Huh. Its amazing how the authors just give you enough of the story and then yanks back as you get hooked and make you wait till the next chapter. I enjoy this story a lot and do hope the next chapter comes soon. Pocketbooklover I just hope you don't makes us wait to long, please keep up the good work.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
Come back!!!

I really hope u dont give up on this amazing story! Many will be very disappointed!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago

I'm getting to the point where i don't care about this story and I'm frustrated with you because chapter 6 is not posted yet!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago

its been almost a month we need a new chapter or chapters please!!!!!!!!!!!!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
Great archetypes

It's a good story. You do have some great characters. . I would say you have some fairly standard gender characters - macho, sluty men who treat women who have sex like dirt and 1950's house wives who adore their men and laugh at their attempts to be sensitive. I'm enjoying the story - would be interesting to see you twist the gender roles a little more though.

MyrtleBeachFanaticMyrtleBeachFanaticalmost 11 years ago
There will be no licking......

the kitchen scene has to rank as one of my all time faves. great character development and I keep going back and rereading these chapters until the next one posts. great work

kiwiplumkiwiplumalmost 11 years ago
girls

Enjoying the story but a bit hard to feel anything for Sophia/the girls. Shopping? Can't you give them a bit of life?

maxd01maxd01almost 11 years ago
No Licking...

I almost died. I do have to agree that there is a sort of disparity between the guys getting all the action till mated and the girls have to be goody two shoes till they are 18. I can see the reason with the male female ration that was mentioned though. Well that and I have sort of seen werewolf packs as being sort of male dominated much like a wolf pack. The guys get all the fun and the women are not screwed...

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
Extreme stereotypes hurt your story

I really wish you'd made the guys and girls in this story more real and less extreme, because the storyline is cute and I had been enjoying it. The guys are too male whore. They can't control themselves to go somewhere private to have their orgies, yet they are trained to be disciplined fighters and respectful of pack females (only). Yes boys will be boys, but public orgies with human girls are extreme and differ from the standard were open sex within the pack followed by most lit writers. Yes this is your story to write as you choose, but there are were standards on Lit and you have followed some, so when you deviate it will be noticed. Even your pack is living secretly from humans.

It's a good thing everyone agreed to keep this from naive and virginal Sophia, I don't think she could handle it with her limited life experiences being cheer, dance, and shopping. I feel sorry for pack girls because they deserve better than man whores and won't know it since they will never get to experience other boys who might actually respect girls in general. And the second stereotype of your girls being superficial and naive virgins is too unbelievable. I hope one of the girls comes home and proudly announces that she won the science fair while she makes sure to keep her hickey covered.

MyrtleBeachFanaticMyrtleBeachFanaticalmost 11 years ago
to anonymous

I know the writer won't respond to your comment because she is recovering from cancer surgery. I do have a question for you, you mentioned 'were standards on Lit'. what are they? are they written somewhere? isn't this a fantasy based fiction site? Pick any five were stories and everyone is different, as they should be. if they all said the same thing and did the same thing, then why would anybody read them? "Twilight" is the best selling movie/book series on vampies, but it doesn't mean all vampires sparkle. The main character Sofia, had her fifteenth bday, not ALL fifteen year olds are experienced and hopefully the majority of them are still naive and virginal at that age worried about cheerleading and shopping instead of worrying if they are going to get their period and wondering how they are going to tell their parents they are pregnant.

shadowssoul09shadowssoul09almost 11 years ago
lol

My life for the shopping god XP

pleasureseeker5pleasureseeker5over 10 years ago
Have to agree w/anonymous about the extreme stereotypes in this story--

they are overshadowing the good parts. Extremely possessive, controlling and jealous males are NOT cute and sexy. Yes, I know this is fiction, but in real life that type of behavior is a warning sign of a potential abuser, so I don't like to see it portrayed as "hot" or appealling. Also, the sexual double standard is ridiculous. These young male weres are supposedly taught to respect females, yet can't stop themselves from using human females as their public cum dumpsters. And the yearly gyno exams for the females to prove their virginity while the males have no such exam or expectations placed on them? That's not protective, that's CONTROLLING.

pocketbookloverpocketbookloverover 10 years agoAuthor
To Pleasureseeker5:

I feel like I have to respond to your comment, something I normally don't do. The girls in this story are not 'controlled or abused' in any manner. I have stated numerous times the reason why they are protected like they are and it is to prevent them from being subjected to rape, unwanted matings and unwanted attention. If anything the brothers are 'abused' because they have to do basically everything their sisters tell them to do or want to do. They have to take them to dance class, training classes, on shopping excursions and whatever else the sisters choose to do. Basically the boys are not given a choice, if the sister wants it, then she gets it.

As far as the human girls in chapter 5 being treated like 'public cum dumpsters' (your words not mine), the girls were the ones who started every bit of the public sexual episodes. I also stated the reason why the girls went with them - they realized they were Carlucci's and Rossi's and decided to follow them to the restaurant instead of staying with Scott because they knew their families were rich and Scotts father was nothing but a mechanic. They knew exactly what they were doing.

As far as the exams, I've explained that too. It is done yearly until they are 18, and after the girls turn 18 then they are free to do and behave any way they see fit, whether they have found their mate or not. This is done again to protect them not control them.

I hope this clears things up a bit and I encourage you to read the rest of the chapters so that you get more of the background and I hope you see that while the men may be powerful, it's the women that are really in charge.

AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago
pleasureseeker5

If you dont like to read those sort of stories find another story to read! Its not like anyone is "controlling" you and forcing you to read each chapter! Better yet WRITE YOUR OWN STORY. That way you can make exactly the way you want it. Keep up the good work pocketbooklover

MyrtleBeachFanaticMyrtleBeachFanaticover 10 years ago
To pleasureseeker5

To pleasureseeker5 - I took the liberty of looking at your profile and saw that one of your fave authors and stories was by Doctor Wolfe - A Slave to the Servants. I think it is a brilliant story by a brilliant author, but it is an interesting choice for someone who is against abusive controlling men.

The main character in that story was kidnapped from Earth, sold into slavery, had sex with 5 different men, was disciplined and treated like a pet, she was told what to wear, what to eat, was washed by them and had no independence until the men realized later how wrong it was and changed their ways. Nothing wrong with that, like I said I loved the story. But again, an interesting choice for someone who has issues with controlling men. Also in that story, when she disobeyed them she was disciplined and whipped. But thats okay with you? But having young girls being watched over and protected against rape isn't? Again, it's interesting.

AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago
haha

Pleasureseeker just got pussy whipped

AMHJ89AMHJ89over 10 years ago

Lol how unfair the boys get to literally wore around while the girls have to live like nuns until they're eighteen and why condoms if weres are typically immune to human disease and can only procreate with their mates?

MyrtleBeachFanaticMyrtleBeachFanaticover 10 years ago
to amhj

Keep reading, everything is explained in Chapter 8 why they protect the girls so carefully.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 8 years ago
laughter

I dare anyone to read the first chapter and not laugh their buts off. I like the way the story is so far. keep up the good work.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 7 years ago
Fantastic

I've read this series five times. Great work PBL. Your consistency with name spelling could use a tiny bit of improvement but overall, it's perfect.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 2 years ago

I’m aware this story was written ages ago so my feedback may be a waste. That being said, this story is… not good. Don’t get me wrong, I see your vision but it reads more like a wattpad than a romance story found on a erotic literature site (before your fans come at me, I know there’s a ton of TERRIBLE stories here). I think my frustration with this story lies in the fact that you had some great ideas but this needs at least three more edits before being published. And my edits, I’m referring to your writing style.

1. I fail to understand why she’s 15. You have at least gone for 18 and 21, it’s just uncomfortable to read about teens on this site, even if they’re not doing the deed

2. Introduced way too many characters in the first chapters and it’s clear there’s more to come. It’s confusing for the readers.

3. I want to care about your characters and the way to do that is to gradually introduce them in the story. So they all have enough time in the page to shine. Right now, all these men are the same and don’t care if Sophia ends up with Anthony or Scott or dead

4. Girl, now why are the parents acting like teenagers?

5. All these characters are just stereotypes, again, it’s hard for me to care about them. I don’t know if it was a cop out making the characters so young so you won’t have to work hard to give them personalities

6. I kept reading because the comments are full of praises but if by the fifth chapter there are still no improvements, then telling a reader to wait until chapter eight isn’t a good sign.

7. I get that they’re werewolves and you want to emphasis that they live as pack and give birth in large numbers but maybe you have have made some of the brothers older? That way I would have believed it more when the ALPHA and BETA are talking about pack matters with their sons. Like why are grown were men having a pizza and soda party with teenage boys? I don’t get it. Anthony could have just gone to his father’s office, found his dad talking to his beta (we don’t even need to be privy to the conversations) and he could have been like “oh! Dad, sorry for interrupting” and his dad could have called him in and said the meeting was drawing to an end any way and given his son the opportunity to express his concerns about Scott. Why was it made into a meeting? I get it, pack life, but not like this. It’s immature and doesn’t make sense.

8. The over-protective makes. Okay, I’ll bite and say this happens in your were universe. So if it’s so normal for the girls to be supervised at all times, just show us. Don’t tell us. What’s worse, you’ve told us any opportunity you get that these girls need a wall about strong men for them to exist. Maybe have Sophia be the one who’s used to be treated like a little princess and have Maria be the rebel. Gets them I trouble, sneaks out to go to parties etc. That way, when you do explain the reason for the protection the girls have, you bounce off something wreckless that Maria does.

Lastly, to summaries, I can tell you’ve done research and have planned. But I think that’s the issue here. I can see it. Your story isn’t very seamless because your regurgitating your author notes to your readers. I’m not gong to continue on reader but I think it’s fantastic that so many people love this story. I think I’m just not the reader you intended to attract with this story. That’s okay. Good luck with the rest!

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