For crap sake, the past tense of "know" is "knew", not "new."
The story was worth 5*, but the multiple repetitions multiple repetitions of sentences of sentences in the same paragraph killed it. I was intending to go 3* but the story was too damn good otherwise. I'm left wanting to know more about Beth & Annie! Are they, or just Annie, a vigilante out to right wrongs or just a victim of Thomas's crime? If you want, I'll gladly look over any future work before submission.
Really.hood that cheating.bastard deserved it xD and at least now she knows what she really is ;)
Damn this is a good story but to keep repeating over and over
again killed it maybe thats how your wanted it if so I apologize
An excellent plot, but the execution was sloppier than a dog's kiss. The spelling and punctuation errors surely numbered in the hundreds. My advice for the author: in future, proofread anything you submit at least three times before hitting that SEND button.
I enjoyed that, great little story and, as someone else has said, I'd like to know more about Annie and Beth's adventures.
My enjoyment was marred slightly by the punctuation and repetition though why anyone should feel the need to criticise so vociferously is beyond me.
Excellent story, but spoiled by evidence of edit work (like a repeat of some sentences).
It would be nice to know what happened to Angela later on.
PJ, I gotta admit that I find your first story here very interesting. The concept of going after the economic criminals who infest the Executive ranks. Self-appointed, narcissist Ubermen. Predestined to rule over the rest of us, simply because a determined sperm reached the eagerly awaiting egg of an heiress.
tall, male, White, Avaricious, Self-entitled, Predator caste.
I myself favor reviving the guillotine, but I am notorious for my lack subservience to my betters.
Please do not allow the hostility of the commentators trolling you to discourage future postings. At first, the seeming editorial errors was distracting. But I have often had to interpret my way through original historical source material. I have always found that reading such confusion outloud, actually helps clarify the writing. Verbalizing your story, it becomes poetry.
Whether or not that was your intention, it worked for me and I would suggest to those hostile to this writing style to give my system of interpretation a try.
New for Knew but not Gnu...spell-check programs are notoriously homophone-phobic. There are a multitude of word-processing programs, of innumerable incongruous versions. Without any mechanism requiring coherency or compatibility. Then the postings get shoved through a nearly infinite labyrinth of inconstant communication systems. To wind up being reconstructed and re-processed at whatever available computers and software of the week, this site's personnel are using.
That any kind of a legible, coherent message is received by any of us is, by the closest measure, a supra-natural miracle.
When you, the reader have reached this level of comprehension, you may then achieve equanimity. Simply be amused when the wrong word, used in the right context, can be hilarious. Then go on with your lives in peace and tranquility.
Great story except there were a few repeats.
This is very very good. I recemend proof reading though but other then that, this is great!
This came off to be Farley sexest and not at all realistic. She just completely stopped resisisting at a 180 almost. Didn't ease into it. Lot of sentences were repeated which made it somewhat confusing. And how Angela just 180's to a lesbian. Pretty damn sure it'd be just who could not just a woman. Gender doesn't mean anything it's the person. Makes men seem like complete jackass's and woman seem all inocent in this depiction. Ya you can put it were he was a jackass ya. But it's got to many subtle sexest remarks here and there that I personally find annoying
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