by icefang4436
A really good start would love to read more. Good job for a first story.
Slow down. Let the characters develop slowly. Show us don't tell us.
I really like the start to this and hope you continue writing it. The characters are interesting and the plot is intriguing...where are they? Why were they brought here under shady circumstances? What will happen with their relationship? I'd like to know more about the world they are in...are there lots of supernaturals around? Do people know they exist? Why do they not want the jailers to find out?
I kinda felt like the dream could have come later. It was well-done, but I felt like it might have been better to develop the plot a bit further first. That is the only thing I would have liked to see changed. Keep writing!
cannd
I agree with all previous comments. You've created an awesome world and intriguing characters. You picked us up and tossed us in the middle, so now you need to flesh things out about this world and these creatures. So many questions! The shifting point of view is fine, but without the use of names at some point within, the reader can get lost. A few times I had to go back to see who's viewpoint it was. Just have the 'speaker' throw out the other's name in speech or thought a little more often. Looking forward to more and welcome aboard.
Interesting story. My knowledge & understanding of supernaturals is extremely thin. So I agree with some of the other comments. Pace felt rushed at times. Think I have figured out most werewolves. Vampires a little bit. All other creatures are a mystery to me. When the characters are combinations I feel like I'm in a vortex. I see that you have additional chapters. Enjoyed this one. Look forward to reading the others.
I like the style that you write in and the names you give your characters.