All Comments on 'Pickup'

the shorter you make, the more you focus, let's do a little more

1st line, Serve a purpose?, I don't see one, get rid.

Next set, we'll forget the cliches

ebony,Ivory,Melon,yellow,red

Melon, wait not a colour, nice slip in, varience, this is this shit you are aiming for

back to the cliches

ebony girl, Ivory teeth, Melon tits, well kind of old

I 5ed, 'cause even if I am a prick, I'm an easy one, and I like the fact that you are leaving comments and not just taking up space

short story , Erectus ? No matter, appreciated the tale & 5-ed .

make the teeth shine and warm up the atmosphere but agree I can 86 it, the colors are an attempt to paint the picture from reality, sure cliches abound but how to paint without color--maybe more reality? From the distance I spotted her could not check her dental health but maybe you are right, I should have. Thanks anyway. There is nothing wrong with being a prick. I am frequently a prick as well; after all, you cannot fuck without one unless you are on the receiving end and even then a hand job is often in order to finalize the matter. Best regards....

Oh yes, Ashesh, I know it is a short one, in my experience, some girls prefer a short one so to please them you must only just stick the head in and leave the rest out for the partner who longs for the whole shabang....take care of "our great Indian poet"!

this is good instinct -variance, and trip up

Not primary colour, Primary, Not primary colour, Melon (?), Primary, Primary

This operates, propels, makes the reader stop and ask what hit me.

this good comedy

Conversation...persuasion

(Fifteen minutes later)

you do continue with the colours, but suppose you had organized them in a structure as in the top, what would that have done? Think about it...