All Comments on 'Seducing My Colleague/Roommate'

There were a couple of typos but that's not a hanging offence. The story was quick and dirty and got to the point. I'd like a little more description of the players, how they both were dressed, and maybe a little more description of the sex itself.

Note my comments aren't because I didn't like the story - it's because you caught my interest (I gave it 5 stars as encouragement to keep going).

Not sure you understand the meaning of the word "seduction" . . .

Crap

Quick and dirty, just what I wanted. Would change seduction to submission though.

Please try to stay in the same tense. If you start in the past, jumping to the present in the middle of the scene is a distraction and does not add to the story. I agree with the typos as well but your choice of words and the story flow is better than average.

It would make it a more complete story, and IMO would make it work better, if you had told us a bit about who these people are. How did they come together? What has gone on between them at work? At home? Did the heroine have other women as lovers in the past, or currently? Or is this her first lesbo experience?

What are her expectations now that she has taken this woman? Will they now become lovers? I wouldn't call this " seduction," more the seizing of an opportunity. Actually it was almost like rape, in a way. Why did the roomate submit to this? Why now as opposed to previously? What was SHE thinking?

And what about the desire to "now shut her up?" What does that mean in their relationship? Have they liked each other? Argued? What's their deal?

The sex itself was Ok, but pretty standard "wham-bam, thank you ma'am" stuff. Kind of a no-frills fuck. Traveling tourist, if you will.

I think you have a good sexual imagination, but you need a story too, not just a nearly clinical "report" of a fuck incident. Maybe even a little romance.

I hope you don't take offense at this critique because none is intended. I wouldn't have bothered if I didn't see good potential.