by Pretty_In_Pink
We lost five years. In the first chapter, she runs away at 17. You need to tell what she does inbetween, both so we see the passage of time, and so we aren't surprised when she says, "I'm 22. Or I work at a law firm" when last thing we knew, she was applying to be a waitress
Your story has too many continuity errors. If she had a waitress job how can she be at a law firm? Time gap is huge. Also you have an issue with the mobile app. It shows your forward, not your story.
Continuity is a problem here, like the previous comments said. Also if you're not going to be posting for a while, don't post one chapter and say that, leave posting chapters til you have a few to post, update your bio saying so.
17 in the last chapter, suddenly 22, and she comes across as a very immature 22.
Like others have said continuity is a problem and it causes the story not to flow. Keep writing i'm sure it will get better.
We love the story so far, and we do not understand why the comments on continuity of the story it seems good to us, we kind of like that she keeps going back and remembering her past to show how she got to where she is now. so keep up the excellent work.
I see all what most of the Ano's are saying ... the jump from 17 to 22 was a surprised also... but this is a amature writing site and your allow to stumble and the more you write the better you get until its second nature... so keep going and take from these comments only what helps most give great advice... good luck.
And that's the important part. Writing skills grow with exercise.....:)....If you don't have an editor or beta reader look on the front page of the site. There is a listing of them. Don't let a few grumpies stop you from writing. Look forward to more of the story.
I like your story, very much actually and can't wait for the next chapter. I guess the only thing I didn't really like was the Alphas phone conversation. They both seemed a bit immature and boyish when their supposed to be mature and responsible men considering their alpha positions. But I love what you did with Dylans character.
Thanks for writing and sharing.
Your story itself is fun, but I would echo what others have said about the problems with continuity. It also seems that you are letting more grammatical errors slip through as the chapters move along. The first one was pretty good, but each one has had more mistakes, and they are simple things like using "to" when you mean "too." It wouldn't hurt to have someone proofread for you before you submit each chapter.
I like Ur story, but is like to see more of a longer story. Al in all its very good
I actually like it that the alphas are a bit more... Human? Whatever, werewolves are social and unless theres official bussiness why do they have to be so serious afterall half/a part of them is human and not many humans are humorless-macho-bossy-know-it-alls who can beat anyone with closed eyes and one hand on the balls. Why does the alpha-wolf aspect have to be so completely prominent when they are talking, afterall they are like brothers.
Loving the story so far. Little disappointed that you didn't tell us more about Taylor or the "other " woman. Who are they? What's is there background? Doesn't have to be much just a little insight into them. Agree with other commenters too. Find an editor to help you. Keep writing! What's next for Kat?!
Im already so addicted to your writing. I feel like she's gonna be the mate of the alpha. Not this packs alpha bit the one she's going to. Can't wait to see if im right! :-)
I know it takes a long time to write chapters and such but please finish this story! :-)
I've really enjoyed reading this and can't wait to read the rest of it. I too think that the alpha of the new pack will be her mate. Just a couple of points. Who is the other woman she met? It would be good to add more details about the pack as it will add more depth to your story. PLEASE keep the story going and update soon.
I have really enjoyed the story so far. It has made laugh out load a couple of times already. That is achivement because a lot of writers don't know how to include good humour in their stories. Get back to us loyal readers when you can. Happy new year.
Can't wait for the next chapter!! Please please please write post the next chapter soon!!
Dammit it!!!!! Please continue it was getting good!!!!! She has to be an alpha since she didn't submit. She has to be that other alphas mate!!!! Please continue!!!
What is it with all the partial wolf stories? PLEASE finish this.