All Comments on 'The Black Velcro Choker Redux'

by Q_L_P

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  • 109 Comments
looking4itlooking4italmost 11 years ago
Certainly a change

This is, of course, is much different than Murphy's version but no more believable even if it better transcends what the majority of male readers would like to see. While it didn't make me as angry as the original it didn't satisfy either. Things that are worked out or happen as coincidence are not as satisfying as those that are logically worked through. So as far as having a case of VD and getting someone's balls smashed as an aside there is little to feel good about in regard to the blatant cheating. Even though I hated the plot and outcome the writing was good from Murphy so this story ended up being trite even though the outcome and plot were more agreeable.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
Murphy sucks dicks.

This story is better, but thats not hard.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
better

ending, but anybody with an I.Q. higher then ten could have had a better ending then the fool that wrote the original story.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
A story?

Hardly.

BobNbobbiBobNbobbialmost 11 years ago
An author's story . . .

. . . belongs to he or she. Sometimes permission is granted to extend. Some stories here go so far as to ask for the reading audience continue the story by providing plausible endings. Most stories, though, are pretty much self contained. Readers can approve or dis the original ending. The method and place for such commentary is in the section labelled of all things Comments.

I'm not at all sure this story should have been approved for posting, but that is not within my sphere of influence.

IrrumatioIrrumatioalmost 11 years ago
I preferred the original

It was more realistic and more erotic.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
Boo Hiss

I didn't care for the original and obviously you didn't either. However, that does not give you free reign to hijack their story for a rewrite to fit your BTB needs.

A real man doesn't need to demonstrate this kind of snit. Grow up and move on.

TornadoTysTornadoTysalmost 11 years ago
Good Guy wins for a change

I am glad to read that the good guy can win and the cheated wife is burned.

One thing though, why would her lover ditch her unless he hope to some gain some of her divorce proceeds !

Huedogg2Huedogg2almost 11 years ago
I find this a "much NEEDED touch" to a murphy621 story

You're going to have your haters, ignore the CLD's and have fun with this. They miss their little cucky lifestyle. 5 stars

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
Much Better Ending to a F*U* Story

This is a more equitable ending to the original F*U* story. This, coming from one who has been burned by the legal system. Luckily I had my own "Steele" of a law dog. BTB was too good for her. Also, too bad Miles just had his balls crushed. They should have been in a baggie hanging from his neck!!!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
.

The original was utter crap. No points from me, for bringing it to my attention.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
Can it get worse?

Yes it can. When a green fly tries to sweeten the fresh dump for the only purpose of giving the rest of the swarm of green flies more to feed on.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
We liked it and much better ending than the original.

Way to go author.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
Not usually a fan of BTB; but as fantasy it was pretty good.

Sadly the legal system is more likely to favor the results as per the first story instead of the second.

But one other issue is the conclusion. In the first story her lover was wealthy and intelligent. He would have been unlikely to put her in that position without anticipating and preparing for any and all contingencies.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago

This is why you write your own stories instead of copying someone else's. I mean really, if you're going to change fundamental aspects of the original story to suit your rewrite, rewrite the whole thing - your own story.

You've basically taken a lame cuck story and turned it into a lame BTB story. Why? Because both versions are nothing more than fantasy pandering to certain dynamics rather than engaging in quality story-telling. Rated 1* on both versions.. All characters involved in the first are unlikeable fools with an intact plot, while the plot in the second is plain broken with a marginally more likeable husband.

I consider this yet another good reason to hate both the Cuck and BTB brigades. Sinking perfectly good story concepts with their need to populate and dominate their poisoned world views.

chytownchytownalmost 11 years ago
Fun Read***

Still laughing.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
I like this ending much better

I honestly cannot stand cheaters getting away without having to pay for the pain they have caused.

murphy621murphy621almost 11 years ago
Burn the Bitch

Well your ending will make the "Burn the bitch" crowd happy but I still like my off beat ending better. I like to keep my readers surprised and the BTB boys irritated

Murphy

betrayedbylovebetrayedbylovealmost 11 years ago
Better Ending

Of course you like your ending better Murph. No one else did, however. Anyone else want to take on this tale? I know other authors have different ideas. The bitch needs to be burned more than she was. Great first attempt at a tale Q. I look forward to more.

Kate12345675Kate12345675almost 11 years ago
5 Stars

LOVED IT !!! Thank You for Writing

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
That's right "murphy621"

you keep on "pumping" out those RAAC / Cuck / Wimp stories ....... including your highly rated "The Black Velcro Choker" ... that would be the wildly successful "2.61" reader rated story of yours!!!! Oh and don't forget to "zip up" after you get off in your Cuck Closet.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
much

better

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
Everyone knows murphy621 is a cluck-loving asshole.

Good flash story. Unlike the cluck-loving murphy621 who is still looking for the instruction manual on how to wipe his asshole after crapping.

likeboblikebobalmost 11 years ago

A bit over simplified and lacking suspense or emotion, I thought. For your first effort it was still fairly well done. I hope you continue to post. Thanks for the read.

oscar73oscar73almost 11 years ago
better

this is a more realistic ending. don't know about having a super lawyer for a friend but if he knew she was cheating it made sense to get pictures, and hire any lawyer to get him a decent deal. Good story

pakmul48pakmul48almost 11 years ago
Excellent ending

I enjoyed your writing and especially the ending. Beat murphy621 hands down

C_frommnC_frommnalmost 11 years ago
Much Better

Love the Ending better

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
more

............

phil2213phil2213almost 11 years ago
A little Walter Mitty divorce fable

Great tale a cheating skank gets her fair share. Her lover gives her his devotion and Charlie Tuna finally gets called by starkist. It doesn't get better than this.

RePhilRePhilalmost 11 years ago
Truly a very good story

And excellent writing. Please stay in this section and write us another one :)

theFBReftheFBRefalmost 11 years ago
great

The redux is truly better lol

betrayedbylovebetrayedbyloveover 10 years ago
Excellent

This redux was fantastic. Way to go. The whore got what she deserved. HERPES.

HA HA HA HA HA

drtsdrtsover 10 years ago
better

a far better ending than on the original story

FullCircle56FullCircle56over 10 years ago
Yes Indeed

Much better ending. She admits to doing wrong to her marriage. Then expects the courts to reward her. Happens way to often in real life. This no fault shit has to go. Or at the least every marriage license should come with a prenup page 2.

lance_spearmanlance_spearmanover 10 years ago
I agree with the other comments

A much better ending

AnonymousAnonymousabout 10 years ago
Well that was just great!

Your ending managed to turn a pile of garbage story into a good read! May all the bitches burn! My only problem now is that Murphy621 has SO many other stories that need this treatment. Can we expect you to continue righting the wrongs? LOL!

Well done.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 10 years ago
CINCO ESTRELLAS

GOOD ONE.

BobbiNonTheCock go, go away, go and smoke your pantys, you creepy tranny !

tazz317tazz317about 10 years ago
SORRY CHARLIE

sometimes the courts do enjoy Star-Kissed pay offs, TK U MLJ LV NV

bruce22bruce22about 10 years ago
Lots of fun

Nothing like a Walt Disney fantasy... It was fun, while it lasted

Ducky7Ducky7about 10 years ago
Much better ending than the other one.

The last sentence was the icing on the cake.

sugnasugnaabout 10 years ago
The Black Velcro Choker

The original seems to have been pulled? Nice story, I like your problem solving plots!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 10 years ago
* * * * *

B T B BRIGADES

oldwayneoldwayneover 9 years ago
*****

torchthebitch forever!

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
If

it would only happen this way 5*

SplitAcesSplitAcesover 9 years ago
Much better!

Hard to believe anyone could like the original.

betrayedbylovebetrayedbyloveover 9 years ago
Re-Read this fine tale

All's well that ends well.

OH YEAH

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
this is for lrrumatio

the reason you preferred the original is because you can sit at you computer pulling your pathetic little pee pee and imagine it is you fucking the skank slut because in reality you couldn't get fucked in a whore house on freebee night.

xtchrxtchrover 8 years ago
Yes!

How to take a pile of shit and turn it into gold. Well Done. Thanks for a terrific story ending.

tazz317tazz317over 8 years ago
YOU MAY GET WHAT YOU WANT

but not what you need or Had. TK U MLJ LV NV

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Very nice!

Much better than the unrealistic piece of garbage by Murphy. Other than the horrible ending the other thing that bothered me in the Murphy original was in the very beginning when lover boy demands her name and phone number? I think 1000 out of 1000 women give the creep a false name and a wrong number and that the rest of the story never happened. The original story truly was a horrible story.

phil2213phil2213about 8 years ago
Great fantasy

Too bad we can't afford an attorney like Mr Steele, as the Guardian of Justice in this story. Masterfully written and a joy to read. Since I am not an author I limit myself to comment exclusively on the aspects of a reader. In summation, it is always nice to see the conquest of good over evil. Unfortunately, this is rarely the case in real life. In spite of the lack of plausibility, I loved the outcome in this story. If a couple finds that they are losing interest in each other, they should discuss it and then seek counseling or separate and/or divorce or perhaps move into other arrangements.

GoodhueGoodhueabout 8 years ago
A Rightful Result!

- This ending to murphy621's original,"The Black Velvet Choker" corrects the unjust ending present in that first version.

- The heartless,cheating twat got exactly what she deserved,and Charlie and the kids were a happy family. (Nice to see Charlie trading UP to a sweet young hottie,too!)

- And the final evidence of justice being served,or KARMA,if you will,was having Miles getting his balls crushed! (Would have been nice to have known how!)

AnonymousAnonymousover 7 years ago
Utter bulllshit!

the author plagiarizes and writes a fantasy that only the BTB assholes can stomach!

Stop writing, asshole.

TMSPTGR3TMSPTGR3over 7 years ago
Poor Anonymous

No forced implausible reconciliation and you slobber at the mouth in rage?

AnonymousAnonymousover 7 years ago
Write forever if you feel like it

The real guys and Gals love the outcome of disrespect!!!!

AnonymousAnonymousover 7 years ago
To Anon "Utter bulllshit!" ....

.... it must really suck (literally) to be a cheating WHORE wife apologist! So sad for you .... now it's time for you to return to your bedroom closet and wait for the "next" real man to service your wife.

Rc68Rc68over 7 years ago
Well done....

Nothing better than a disrespectful cheating cum dumpster wife getting what she deserves.....

AnonymousAnonymousover 7 years ago
Nice Take

A good look at possible fallout to the party who acts in their own interest, with no real care or regard to the affect it has on others. The man got powerful legal representation and a judge that had probably seen one too many of these "bullshit" cases and ruled accordingly. Nice to see that "Miles" got just deserts in the end also. Enjoyed your story, thanks for sharing it.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 7 years ago
Great recovery from a crappola story

Yes sometimes there is justice in this world and Q_L_P has given us a glimpse of what should happen to idiot fools. Love the crushed balls on Miles but for me a shotgun would have been a better solution.

Thanks for the new ending - I rest better at night knowing that real men exist.

ScorpioJJScorpioJJalmost 7 years ago
Miles not killed is ok

In his case, I think it is great that he can look at the pretty girls in the world and not be able to do anything with them. I wish him a long life

AnonymousAnonymousabout 6 years ago
Just As Absurd As The Source Story!

As a lawyer, I found the "Hearing" on the ex parte order completely, totally, utterly, absolutely, ABSURD!!!!!!

No final divorce is granted at an ex parte hearing, which would have been to gert hubby out of the house, get her keys to the house and back in it temporarily, some temporary maintenance for her, etc.

The offers of proof, the shrink, his lawyers testifying (instead of the shrink, boss, new property owners, etc, etc, ad nauseum) were just that--enough to make me sick.

As bad as the cop shows where the DNA is sequenced and the perp identified from the FBI Data Bases in 30 minutes.

When the case does go to trial in some months, wifey still gets the kids in 47 or so of the 50 states. As well as rehabilitative spousal support for a few years. And she most likely gets to stay as mom in the only house the children have ever known, until the last one reaches 18.

Just as absurd as Murphy621 burn the cuckolded husband, but here it's burn the bitch.

BOTH STORIES ARE IN THE WRONG CATEGORY: THEY ARE BOTH FANTASY!

carvohicarvohialmost 6 years ago
OK...

It's hard to take a basically lousy story and try to fix it. I give you a five for trying.

I see you only wrote two stories, too bad.

Jedd Clampett

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 6 years ago
Well, I guess a little fantasy is good now and then.

No real conflict in this, just simple fantasy.

26thNC26thNCover 5 years ago
Good ending

Love your ending to the story. Seems justice was done, and the Bitch was burned. Smells like fries.

0zed0zedover 5 years ago
Much better ending!

You need to give Murphy621 some writing lessons! Maybe give her some dick while you're at it. I don't think the man hating bitch has been laid in awhile! LOL!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
Yes, a better ending, but...

The appearance of the superlawyer for Charlie, was more like a deus ex machina that didn't really add any meat to the better ending. More like a sweet roll than a main course.

26thNC26thNCabout 5 years ago
Again

That "do you want fries with that order," is a LW classic .

AnonymousAnonymousover 4 years ago
Much much better story

Much better than the original. Kudos to this author. Always good to see a writer keeping us out of the cuck zone. Thanks

Jhbrown27Jhbrown27over 4 years ago
Yes, much improved version

The first version was as dark as this was bright. Murphy621 just has visions of super slutness, where nothing matters more than her next orgasm.

robroy93robroy93about 4 years ago
Haven't

Haven't read the other version, but nothing could be better than this one. The "fries" line is , as previously stated, a classic.

WargamerWargamerover 3 years ago

That’s more like it. Well done.

Scores 5/5

26thNC26thNCover 3 years ago
Again

Perfect ending for the original story. Justice is served.

AnonymousAnonymousover 3 years ago
yeah

If only....

skruff101skruff101over 2 years ago

If only life were this good. I made the mistake of reading the original, the ending was shit this in some ways makes up for that.

But we all know that justice very rarely gets meted out in such a satisfying way.

Snaglepuss67Snaglepuss67over 2 years ago

By far a better ending justice is served.

betrayedbylovebetrayedbyloveover 2 years ago

Nice

Fixes the original. Fucking cunt.

InfosaugerInfosaugerover 2 years ago

Just one question: What das this sentence mean?

"One of his friends gave me a gift that keeps on giving on both sets of my lips."

lujon2019lujon2019over 2 years ago

@Infosauger

.

herpes

johsunjohsunover 2 years ago

Nice revenge story, but I don't think that the court system would be quite so harsh on her, or nice to Charlie.

Pasqual_ClementePasqual_Clementeover 2 years ago

I agree with johsun in "that the court system would be quite so harsh on her, or nice to Charlie." While this ends 180 degrees different from the original, it is just as bad. If Miles is as affluent and powerful as intimated in the original, how could Charlie get to him to do or have done the damage stated here?

someoneothersomeoneotherabout 2 years ago

Totally unrealistic.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 2 years ago

You want fries with that?

RimmerdalRimmerdalabout 2 years ago

Damn that's funny.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 2 years ago

Short revenge story. this time, in favor of the husband.

kirei8kirei8almost 2 years ago

Totally impossibly hilarious.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 2 years ago

Just as ridiculous and unbalanced as the original but in favor of the husband, and not quite as well written.

jflindersjflindersalmost 2 years ago

Hilariously over the top, but at least in this version the guilty party suffers and the innocent party gets the better of the legal battles.

LT56linebackerLT56linebackeralmost 2 years ago

GREAT !! AWESOME!! I loved ti. Not long enough, and all most enough carnage, but it will do.5 stars, the Bear approves. More, please.

The BEAR

P.S. I Iove happy endings.

alvinjfrazieralvinjfrazieralmost 2 years ago

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 👍😂 Funny as hell. Nope, it's not realistic. Damn good short fiction! (ANONYMI - you know who you are - GET A LIFE! LAUGH A LITTLE! OR... READ SOMETHING ELSE. 🤔)

SexecutionerSexecutionerover 1 year ago

A shame this writer left this cesspool of cuckys & limp dick beta bitches...

phill1cphill1cabout 1 year ago

like he couldn't get THE SAME representation from any in-town attorney.

What makes any of these straight-from-central-casting figures interesting?

MarkTwineMarkTwineabout 1 year ago

Thank you for fixing what was a horrible original story.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 1 year ago

A good ending to the previous mess.

pummel187pummel187about 1 year ago

yup that's a swamp donkey alright!!! I'd know their bullshit a mile away!!!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 1 year ago

I loved this part much better than the original which I was barely able to read. And finally the court system gave proper judgment.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 1 year ago

Great improvement over the original. Miles still got off too lightly.

Mfj

inka2222inka22229 months ago

What an amazing BTB. Didn't bother reading the original (based on its score, it ended well for the criminal, not the victim). Easy 5 stars, please write more.

AnonymousAnonymous9 months ago

Top version.

AnonymousAnonymous9 months ago

Much Improved. Thanks

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