All Comments on 'Awakening'

done mr. q, i.e. 2nd verse

quite an improvement, o praise god or dog, no rhymin coups!

next step

exploding - why not explodes?

Awakening - awakes?, etc. if you have a reason, fine, if not question every word, word ending

Nicely done. You might want to think about fewer gerunds. You most likely could substitute word combinations without adding substantially to line length or the sound of a given line. For example, "Awakening her thirst and hunger/Wanting and needing absolute fulfillment" can be written differently.

For all your comments..... but, specifically for taking the time to read and reply... QQ

Want to change that last line to..

Like a lone flower in the desert needs rain

delicious , suspense passion everything is gooood ! the anti-climax whether in real life or here is a devastatin' let down ! 5-ed .