All Comments on 'We Seasons'

All in all a good morning to read NP's 5ed

ain't easy to write imho but you've accomplished it with a deft touch and an interesting approach (by seasons). I think you could lose some unnecessary words that aren't bringing anything to the poem and make it a stronger piece. Just my one opinion. Overall I really enjoyed reading it. 5ed.

excellent lead in, first three lines:

my heat is your heat is the heat

rising like a stubborn morning

fog from my curves are your lines

next two

are the intangible borders that

make us a nation of two,

are? also borders and nation don't do much in the context,

but you pick it up again, all in all, excellent, (in perspective, I am not a four seasons fan) A little clean up perhaps, adding at first glance the end looks dreadful, that is tricky, hope you get more comments. 5ed

some nice lines,

" I toy

my nipples across your impossibly smooth

arms and let the imprecise wriggling of love

awaken you until you thrust"