All Comments on 'The Fifty Year Lie'

What happened here? No dialogue, no depth, no nothing. This is not a story, it's more like a first draft of a story.

Obvious he waited so long cause the cheaters no longer able to give him the cream pies he enoyed so much. These guys want to suck cock, but just don't have the balls to be themselves so they get the cum from a slut wife.

Story not very good on any level. Sorry.

You needed to build on it though. Not enough depth.

Looks like a vignette - not bad as an outline but maybe better that way to keep it simple.

WTF? Wheres the damn story? And 'stridden' where'd you come up with that? The word is 'strode'.

This is a description of a story, confusingly laid out.

Some dialogue would have helped, some names, things like that.

Rework it. It has promise, but as-is it rates a couple of stars, tops.

But it isn't. As badly conceived as any of the children in it and very poorly written.

What a bunch of crap, please don't write anymore stores, because you suck

it told a story with consequences. we dont know why he stayed with the wife but he was obviously having a family with her sister and a very loving one too. sort ofcool payback that the wife kicked it during the show. same for the lover.

not sure why kids shunned - but i dont care.

There was a few times in the story where I wasn't at all sure which husband or wife you were referring too. Names, names are useful.

in a nutshell. 50% of LW stories in abou a dozen or so paragraphs.

Short and to the point. The real disappointment is that you intended to have retribution but you obviously had no intent on filling in gaps. Therefore, in my opinion, this could easily be the biggest wastes of cyberspace at Lit. Congratulations. Not because it was a subject I objected to or poor writing (which it was not stellar there either) but because there was nothing there. No story or plot merely an extended essay without substance. If that was your goal, well done!

It reads like an urban legend told by a guy at a bar to a stranger in town. To call it an outline rather than a story is a little unfair, because I think that was what the author intended. Coolly dispassionate, as if told by a disinterested spectator, or a reporter who found the story to be distasteful and didn't really want to dig into all the hows and whys of the story, and perhaps didn't really care if his whats and hows were entirely accurate, either.

I don't think you are going to score very high by delivering stories in this style on a consistent basis, but I thought it kind of worked with the subject matter in this particular case. So I gave it a good score.

That BTB group will stoop to anything. How is the "husband" any better than the "wife" when he had another woman and children. Does not matter who started it. It was a childish behavior to do for any kind of revenge even if the major motive was happiness. Since they both had paramours on the side or front to back or whatever they both were in the wrong equally or in the right equally. An example of the attitude of the rigorousness of the supposedly wrong that I hate so much. What a waste of electronic space.

The number of legal doctrines that would stopped these lawsuits before they started is myriad; most would come under the general classifications of estoppel, condonation, and repose (limitations)

The lay reader isn't expected to be familiar with all of those; too bad the author didn't try just a little harder to see if it was possible to make the sun rise in the west just this once (it wasn't)

As for plot and character development - what can one say? There wasn't any

Maybe someone will flesh it out. I'd lose the hubby's second family as it lowers him to the level of the whore wife.

A read not a good one but still a read!!

and nicely tight in narration with virtually no superfluous fluff.

but did he have any love for the other children?

i like the second family. the husband found love and kept up his obligations to the cheating wife. it is hard to be worse thana wife who gets fucked on the day she is married and in her wedding dress too. that is major cheating from the get go.

as far as the bastards you just have to go with they did not work and play well with the husband and he dropped them faster than a prom dress when he could.

You have your limp dick wimp who will slurp another man's cum from his wife's pussy and crave unspeakable humiliation. Then you have someone like this go to his knees to service the BTB crowd. This typing of words had no other purpose than to lick the balls (if he had any) of cantbuyme and his ilk.

I'm glad the anonymouse prick who thought this btb story was too harsh can only vote once. That pin head should grow a set of balls.

It's different and it worked well. Thank you for having the guts to try something a little different.

You've got a complete bitch for a husband who is incapable of doing anything about his wife cheating for fifty years? That is just pure wimp. Killing an old and already crippled lady with shock from a heart attack after she's had a full life enjoying cuckolding the fuck out of him and he is supposed to somehow be redeemed? How the fuck does that make any sense? And why the hell would he disown kids he raised as his own into adulthood just because they didn't want to be humiliated by the scandal he brought down on them for something they weren't guilty of? The dude comes across as a gutless ass, and it's even more obvious that this is the case when we find out he's been shacking up with his own whore all this time. So he committed murder when he already had his revenge? The fuck?

That's just the characters - I love BTBs but this guy is a fucking moronic douchebag who is not only a cuck, but a cuck who betrays his own supposed values.

Then there's the plot. What the hell were you smoking when you came up with all that "plus interest" stuff for adult children? In point of fact, the fucking moron never divorced his wife - he deliberately spurred a heart attack so that she'd be dead before a court could rule on it. So he's got no opportunity for Alienation of Affection. Moreover, as soon as the court figures out the FUCKING IDIOT STAYED MARRIED TO A WHORE FOR FIFTY YEARS AND WAS GETTING HIS OWN ON THE SIDE, why the hell would they even rule in his favor?

Congratulations on making a class A shithead for a male lead. If you'd dropped the fifty year cuck marriage, I'd have given this three stars just for the BTB ending which is really more her fault than murder. Intead, I have to give it two at best because your plot is shit and so is your male lead. BTB stories are no fun when the husband is a gutless shithead who doesn't deserve to win.

Who took the pictures?

Where were the 'other' partners living while the 'original' but unloving couple was living together. And WHY?

It is a VERY powerful story of MASSIVE hate by Hubby AND something (perhaps actively negative, like disdain; OR more neutral, like helplessness or uncaring) by Sweetie. How did Mistress live and bring up Hubby's get? How could Bull sit back and watch Hubby & Sweetie raise the Bull's get? And WHY?

How did Hubby get the pictures? Did he have a PI firm (too many years for just one PI to sneak around and get all those pictures! In a wheelchair long before the job is finished!). How much money did Hubby inherit to afford this? Wouldn't a rich guy fix things more to his liking VERY early on? Did Hubby put up with all of this soul-sucking aggravation JUST for this 'I-told-you-so' last celebration? Unbelievable foresight!

The story is easy to destroy! There are many other bizarre aspects not addressed here! The only troublesome aspect is the state of someone who screams out in such pain!

1*

Not enjoyable at all.

Strange but interesting story. Would be a good outline to work on another story with details,

The story developed in my head in the form I wrote it in and submitted in . No one knows the reasons husband remained in marriage but him. Maybe they were Catholic, Maybe he didn't believe in divorce. There are numerous reasons if you have an imagination. He found happiness and a good woman. Thanks for the compliments and helpful critisism. To venom0027, no it is not related to any of my other stories.

The voices told me to do it! So I did, then submitted it as it was.

I am more worried about the COLD RAGE expressed by the author through this story than I was before! Show this story to your therapist, Mikoli !

Still cannot figure how Hubby got pictures of Sweetie getting drilled by her paramour at their wedding reception. Was it a special photo op arranged only for her best friends? Did the 'regular' wedding photographer take these pictures, or just the other participants? (Hubby presumably excluded!) Most young newlyweds would NOT want such photos...especially if it wasn't Hubby.

How many weddings has any other reader attended where the bride had the time and opportunity to get boffed by her 'true love?'

I have generated hundreds of First Drafts. None of them got anywhere near being submitted. Sometimes third drafts...more often fourth or fifth. (No, I don't publish on LIT!)

Only one problem. FIFTY YEARS? Why? We need a sequel.

OMG pathetic beyond belief. The supposedly "righteous" husband is a CUCKOLD of epic proportion. Here in less than a page is proof beyond reproach that not only do two wrongs NOT make a right but that ignorance and anger are the parents of evil. What a putz.

Except it is not a story. It is just an outline. There really are no characters in the story and I can not get my head around how all this came to be if he found out on his wedding day that she was cheating on him. The only possible back story would have been the sister taking the pictures for her sister and holding on to copies and then after thirty years putting him into the picture... But then the sister would be all ready 50 years old when starting the new family. The idea and the format are interesting, but it was not ready for the light of day.

fuck what anyone thinks, this came fast and furious. in and out, everyone got the idea. the bitch cheated on her fucking wedding day and had another mans kids so he banged her sister and started a second family. he knew and she didn't. works for me.

I am really surprised that anyone at all could find this story of interest. It was a narrativ of events, no story.

Is an excellent example of why we need to restrict immigration.

i liked the story

would have liked to have seen you make in more pages but good point in killing them off

encourage folks go form a new country, elsewhere.

I give this 4 stars, I liked it.

to keep under control for so long,,,,TK U MLJ LV NV

Very cool. As far as the bastards go they should say thank you to the man who raised them and leave him alone.

not his kids and knowing it living a lousy life with a cheating bitch, if any man would do that he really has some serious issues, for the love of money is not enough reason to live that lie . how could he have sex with the other guys cum in her.

... I can only call this a disjointed vignette with many problems. One is that it suffers from various grammatical errors. Two, it is very disjointed, which leaves the reader feeling confused at best, with much difficulty in keeping track of which characters are doing what. The lack of character names for a reader to identify with further enhances the confusion.

Frankly, this zero-star story attempt reads like an exercise in confusing readers instead of trying to get them to read your product. There was nothing to hold a reader's interest. While I often will take stories and look at them as an editorial exercise (doing a re-write / enhancement, without any publishing on my part), there is too little of this story to even try and make an effort.

I see that you have written the husband's version of the story. I hope there is more to to that missive than what is found here. Then again, having two character names would be more than what is here.

(word or no, stupider hits the nail) than living with a deceitful bitch and her deceitful children for 50 years, is moving to the gods-forsaken desert. Really? Tempe? If you're going to move to AZ full time, at least pick somewhere nice like Flagstaff or Prescott!

Illiterate fuck, cantbuy a decent score in this cat, puke oughtta shut his piehole.

to realize your only option for revenge is to outlive the sons of bitches, TK U MLJ LV NV

Either the husband was taking the photos or the couple knew who was. Photography 50+ years ago was not the same as it is today.

Its my life its now or never, husband of new couple not the oldcouple

THE TITLE SAYS IT ALL. HE SHOULD HAVE DONE THIS A LONG TIME AGO. REVENGE IS SERVED IF THE PEOPLE ARE ALIVE FOR YOU TO GET IT. THE CHEATING WIFE AND HER LOVER DIED AT BEING FOUND OUT. CHEATERS ALWAYS THINK THEY ARE SMARTER THAN THE ONE THEY ARE CHEATING ON. WHY NOT LET HER AND HER BASTARD CHILDREN SUFFER FOR 40 PLUS YEARS WHY DO IT THIS WAY NOTHING IS REALLY GAINED. THE HUSBAND MUST HAVE REALLY HATED THEM AND KEPT IT BOTTLED UP INSIDE HIM IT IS A WONDER HE HAD NOT DIED OF A STROKE SOONER.

RON

He should have done this at their twenty-fifth anniversary. Would have given him more time to gloat.

Ha

the ultimate burn the bitch fantasy. the product of a sick mind

It was a fucking wimp cuck story from a cuck author

Absolutely dead solid perfectly spot on, Anonymous 04/24/13 and Lickideesplit

Such perfect analysis of a , ah I just can't do it... as bad as the story is, I can't call it the names it deserves.

The author at least is trying. English is obviously not first language. And he is obviously a very submissive beta type male trying to sound alpha. These things are not his fault. He can't help being who he is and like I said, he is at least trying to write.

psycho-babel

Why bother with something so inane.

cuck shit.

Another unresearched story with logical gaps big enough to drive a hearse through. A of A lawsuits are a joke. Not even on the books in 44states and largely ignored in the others. Most states make the man in whose family the child lives responsible for his welfare, so suing for back child support and interest is stupid and indicates a lack of research. Stupid.

Only Thing I can say is. Jerry Springer would have loved this one! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! Well that's my Comment 5 ★ WOOF!

In addition to two prior comments on this tale, I would like to also point out it is totally narrated. No actual conversation between people, and few character-thoughts even summarized by narrator. Great way to generate character development and reader interest. Might as well read a newpaper.

Well done, Mikoli--5 stars.

Well, that stung a little bit. Guess they thought that they got away with it. Good burn of bitch and bastard.

This story was just too short to pique my interest. I wish I had the three minutes back it took me to read it.

Well written but short.

and he made sure there would be payback and total disclosure, TK U MLJ LV NV

We have no connection with wife or the husband which makes it purely a fantasy filme.

Leaves you with questions but in this case I like it

Children caught didn't like

But no information given to suggest what or if they had done anything to deserve this

Serious strokes would have been a better result!

I can understand the destruction of the wife and lover, but to totally disappear from the kids' lives is just a dick move. They didn't have anything to do with what the 'adults' did.

Again, that was some cold and savage revenge. Tough about the bastards, but he wasn't the father. Too bad the old cheaters died without suffering for a while.

Haha, be still my beating heart. I mean, the long game has its pros, but waiting till your 70s to drop the boom is a little much. Ideally, you'd want to move on when you're still in a position to actively enjoy life.

Well it certainly brought a chuckle to me.

Read itAgain

Talk about consequences. I hope both the cheating wife and the asshole lover died in pain.

Idiotic.

stupid story

1starr

Such a stupid story. It’s like the author was telling us ABOUT the story he wanted to write, instead of just writing the story. So many things required so much explanation. And by the way, shock doesn’t usually cause people to drop dead, especially from a seizure. Fainting, sure, but people in their 70’s are just not that old and frail. Just write the story, expand it properly, and do a little research.

Not all that bad.

I think dumber than shit IS an actual award in LW isn't it?

I thought, pretty ingenious! 5 BIG FUCKING STARS!

One of the most fundamental principles of good writing: show, don’t tell. This “story” is a description of a story. It would be fun and interesting to actually read the proposed story, you know, with components like characters, emotions, motivations and behavior.

Hey I’m a weasel!

No, there is no dumber than shit award here, but the Cheating spouse/slut certainly deserves one.

Not the author; however. He’s a fine one.

The only problem I have with this story is the fact that he deserted the children he had raised. They were innocent of anything their slut of a mother had done.

The children never knew that he was not their father. He should have still kept in contact with the kids regardless of their parentage.

Sorry, couldn't make much sense of this.

A touching family gathering, they call it, “Picture Wars."

Actually too stupid for words. So, it was fitting there was no dialogue, per se. Kudos to the OP for not writing out this train wreck in full LW irrelevance, complete with inane dialogue, and a long, rambling, over-detailed back story, all held together with LW's preferred construction material, cliché-maché!

Interesting story but badly told.

Just a stupid and implausible story. Sorry.

Probably could have been a great story, but it was so fragmented and poorly written and Confused that it was just too hard to follow to be enjoyable. Too many distractions, just kind of lousy in general...

Cheating bitch couldn’t hide and she and her lover died for it.

me dio risa

hace 6 miinutos atras me preguntaba porque te seguia

ahora lo entiendo, eres gracioso