All Comments on 'Elise, My Best Friend'

I'm from Lacey :P :)

Awesome story, btw

Good read. Hope you continue the story.

Loved the story and hope you add to it!

We dust shelves with "cloths", we wear "clothes"!

I usually stay away from this genre but this was pretty good. I feel bad for her working in that Oly Target store. And you stayed away from the cliche "it's always raining in Seattle" thing.

There was a little too much exposition of "ooh" and "aaaah" in here, but the story was still good.

Sweet, I loved it.

The second "I'm cuuumming! Ahhhhhh" ... it just started to sound very contrived and childish. It was like a perverted guy writing about lesbian sex ... no subtlety .

it was an Okay... i expected better.

But please, can anyone stay aloof while her crush musterbrates right next to her? :/

I thought it was well structured and written well. The story line was a good build up to each erotic event. Nice job.

I thought your sex scenes were pretty good, I do enjoy the noise they were making. Though I think you might want to consider including what they are feeling a bit more, sort of mix it up a bit better. While you do a decent physical description at the begining, you never went back to it, well not really. You did get back to breast size once and you kind of went from Elise to being a decent size to small (to me a C cup is decent size, not small, though I guess that's preference lol). So, it would've been nice to have incoporated that a bit more too.

Also, I found that the story lacked flow and you were more writing in point form. That being the case, I found it hard to get into the characters and it didn't make their love for each other as believeable as it could be.

That's just constructinve criticism, I do think you have talent and I look forward to reading more of your stories. Thanks for sharing! :)

Well written. Great erotica.

Loved the story! Hope to see more of your work :)

Got a bit tired of all the screaming, to be perfectly honest. Also this "Driving home, all my feelings for her were coming back. My legs squirmed at the thought of Elise eating my pussy" came completely out of nowhere and made me double take. A very sharp turn in the tone of the story up to that point. It was alright on the whole I suppose, but I couldn't engage with it as much as I would've liked to.

This is the hottest story I've ever read. Your writing is superb and I loved how you built up to your impending love for one another. Then to end it with you both fucking yourselves with a strap on was the icing on the cake. When a guy first fucked me I felt that same passion as you two did. Thanks for such a hot story.......

One incorrect spelling of "cloths" would be acceptable, however, you used the incorrect "cloths", in place of "clothes" every time.

Your story got me wet. I loved it

I really liked the story, but there were a few moments that were either very weird/gross or you just completely spelled a word wrong! I mean come on! I think that you need to actually go to collage, or just go back to collage, I'm serious, your story makes me think that if I were your English teacher, I would fail you and tell you to get out of my classroom!

Did you go to collage??? Did you go to a picture made up of various cutouts?? I'm sure you meant 'college'!

He who throws the first stone, etc.

Yes, I know---looks silly, doesn't it? And there are far too many of those in this story. Inarticulate noises of passion do not transcribe well, so why bother with them? Try using your powers of description instead. There are plenty of words which can convey passion, terror, pain etc, and they're all just waiting for you to find them and use them. The ooooohhhhhs and aaaaahhhhs etc, plus some silly spelling errors and some clumsy word use, spoiled what could have been a fairly good story. If you are new to writing, there are plenty of books on technique and grammar available. And if all else fails, find yourself a good editor. These comments are meant to be constructive and helpful because I do think you show promise. Good luck with your next story.