All Comments on 'Touched While Restrained'

by hipeeps72

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erectus123erectus123almost 11 years ago
well done-maxed

rapes are unpleasant in reality, only pleasing the rapist; however in fantasy or retell of an actual event they can be quite erotic to a vicarious reader. Gang rape in particular has its erotic elements of public depersonalization, so much so that the term is often used when multiple sex penetrators are consented to. The poem ends on a high note of tension leaving readers interest unresolved, why? Perhaps due to literotic's usual refusal to publish erotic rape poems? Last four word seem to predict an unpleasant resolution by moving from present participle to present tense.

technical comments: minor typo, wine=whine; I'd prefer "half undressed" to "half dressed" ;"making short of his work" could be deleted as breaks continuity and distracts; I'd prefer "I moan in protest," although its obvious who is moaning but to eliminated the idea that moan is one of pleasure by rapist;"he starts to rub

Making his way under my thong" is confusing, you'd assume he rubs after he is under thong, also you might say, "he penetrates" my thong.

In any event ignore hyper-critical comments, you have done well.

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