by CambriaRose
you make the next chapter when he lives in retirement homem, this way the supber dumb bits story can be ended.
You mentioned in the start of the first chapter that you made this different. I read the original, and these characters are doing the same dumb things in your "rewrite." Neither version explained why Max left the second time.
Max is making the same mistakes he made in the original version and lik the last time I hav no sympathy towards him at all. At this point I'm rooting more towards Jordan than max as a father towards Christian. Max is selfish, immature, and unable to step to his responsibIlities. I still don't understand how he walked away the second time, after he got angry at Megan for not telling him bout his son and he's the one that walked away?
I am sort of hoping that the next chapter begins with Jordan inadvertently backing over Max, putting him out of his misery. I can almost buy him being downrange and not knowing that he had a son but there is no excuse for leaving the second time.
You really have to feel for Christian, his father has ignored him for the entire 7 years of his life and his mother is just stupid enough to want him back.
The only one in the bunch who is thinking about Christian is Jordan.
Different to the original? How? So far it's the same story, I think you were just hoping to get new readers or hoping the ones who read it before forgot about it, and will give you better comments. 1*
i read the original too and don't see any dif. until we find out jordan is a drug dealer I was on his side too
referring to "comments"
some may remember shit comes from anonymous "assholes".
x
Max is written as the biggest asshole of all time. Completely unlikable. Yeah, he's in the army. Lots of military guys find a way to parent. He should step aside as father. Jordan wants the job. Max ran from it. Like I said, asshole.