by BlueJewelZuzu
It is as senseless as a dream. We don't know how many people are talking, even what genders they are, or even if they are in the same place.
Sort it out for yourself. Sometimes the reader has to contribute something of their own. This isn't reporting at all. It's fantasy.
in a mental home ? IQ lower than 40 ? not really erotic to see 2 human beings with no brain.
Can be entertaining in small doses, or as free verse poetry if intentionally understated. On the other hand, this needed some plain english along the way. It works for me as a woman's rationalization for her ongoing affair, explaining her hopeless capitulation.
It perfectly captures the throes of passion and desire that we can experience for another human being. It's very erotic and sensual. It's fabulous. It's a story about a fantasy that I've had but never lived. My guess is that it's a story that an incredible number of people can relate to. You are a talented writer and hopefully we'll see more of your work.
the last paragraph / statement / sentence. Hey, I like a good flash story too, but who is Vicky? Is the narrator talking in 3rd person? Who is keeping the file? I am not suggesting you need to make this story any longer, but you can't be stylistically cryptic and expect people not to be left with the bad taste of "huh????" in their minds at the end. It will affect the voting. No matter how brief the tale you want to tell, it needs to have a strong ending. Also, less importantly, I would have liked some thought or regard to her husband. Any remorse at all, would have made her appear as more like a real person instead of just a squirting blow-up sex doll. However, I did think you captured some passion, and so I say Good Start! And may your next one be even better! Thanks.
This was meant to be more of a red shoes diary entry than an erotic novella. I know, because I wrote it that way. (My bluejewelzuzu is locked) I wrote it to myself and then thought, people just might like it in its raw form. I don't have to explain to my Diary my vixen's name is Vicky. But in hindsight, I should have provided more details for the general public and erotic imagery to flesh it out.
My purple sweater dress hugging my hourglass shape was as soft and seductive as a string quartet playing an adagio calling him to me... Maybe I'll do that on the next story.
Agree on 'Erotic Coupling! Yeah, I got that she has said "I do!" to someone she now regrets having committed to (as has her Bull!) HOWSOMEEVER, neither 'other' spouse is involved in this tale, outside of existing!
And would like to represent either or both spouses of your characters. All either of them had to do to make it less worthwhile for me was to ask their spouses for the divorce they obviously want. But now I get rich, thank you you dummies.
Two cheaters acting like animals. ZuZu was so embarrassed by this that she quit.