All Comments on 'The Octopussy Necklace Ch. 06'

garbage

While we at least get some much needed plot advancement, what we get is a nonsensical mess. Leaving out the deus ex-machina ring and that the villain takes a whore back to his secret lair, once hubby is found the wife leaves him there and goes back to the whorehouse!

WTF!

Why didn't she look for the keys to the handcuffs or ring the police/FBI/Hubby's shadowy friends? She didn't even try and find out from her husband what the fuck is going on never mind what happened to the missing girl that started off this whole mess.

Hell, hubby is conscious enough to drink but says nothing to her? Not even the fact that she is naked? Hugo also doesn't seem to be bothered that he blacked out for a couple of hours, while with a whore he hardly knows, at a secret location and with a captive only next door?

This story has suffered from bullshit logic from chapter 1 and its killed what could of been a good story.

The plot has advanced somewhat but it's difficult to understand WTF is going on. Hopefully you can wrap this one up quickly and apply the lessons in narrative and structure you hopefully have learnt and make your next story an improvement on this one. I wanted to like this story as it has some really interesting ideas and they are rare around here but the execution has frankly been below the standard I'd accept for me the rate this highly. That said I encourage you to learn and continue to develop your writing.

The pacing and flow of this chapter is inconsistent with the others. Very bumpy.

How do we go from a whore banging a poet to guys kicking Hugo's skull in? That was so abrupt and so unexplained that it jarred me right out of rhythm. .

hate repost in general but stupid ones even more.

Agreed. Breaking this story up from a 4 parter and making it 7+ installments wasn't a good move IMHO.

I can't see things turning out for the now skank whore. This tale was drawn out and filled with unnecessary detail. Perhaps the end is near. I hope.