All Comments on 'Okay... Ch. 01'

I don't understand why a minority of story tellers on here, have to indulge what seems to be a hatred of women, or at least dislike of them. Surely, you could write a story of mind controlled sex that is sexy, exciting and believable without half killing the lady participant.

Nice little twist at the end, where she didn't obey. Makes you wonder...

I agree with what one of the other people posted, you definitely should think about reworking your story somehow. It might take a bit more thought, but im sure you could come up with other ways to showcase the ins and outs of his power without your main character reveling in treating his sister in a manner which is at least abusive, and at most bordering on getting off on almost killing her....in the first chapter!

I say you have a start here. I don't know where this is going but I think a lot of critiques here are due to the fact that it really is only half of a start. And no, the guy doesn't have to be a good guy or bad guy but the fact that we can't tell what kind of guy he really is, is off-putting. He is right now an incomplete character, if you want him to abuse his power go for it... If he is to be more in control but with a weakness for women... Just go for it, you are the writer, you know where you're going, I for one wait for the next installment to see where you lead us.

Mind Control is basically mental rape. No one goes into the comments of a rape story to call the author a misogynist. It was super rough and super cruel and I really enjoyed how the protagonist went on a blatant power trip. The extremes of not only having this power but exerting it over someone powerful can totally appeal to someone. I thought the breathplay was really hot as well.

Look, I get that it doesn't appeal to everyone, but there are thousands of other stories on this site. Why attack this author when you can just move on and read something else that you prefer? rifkinraf, I hope you keep on writing and don't feel intimidated because a few people didn't dig it.

She fists her ass for the first time and it didn't tear apart? He has the power to make anyone do his bidding since he was a child and Were supposed to believe that THIS is the first time he's ever raped a woman? We're supposed to believe that she gets mashed into the concrete, gets a bloody nose and she only says "wow"?!?

Are you fucking mental? I get that this is a story but when it becomes as cartoonish as the coyote and roadrunner show, it loses the ability to entertain.

Foundthe story interesting but lacking in character building. As for prior coments on the choking - I tend to place that in the Fetish category. Some women like to be choked during sex. Thankfully I, personally, have not encountered it but have known other mates where their women loved it. It is an act fraught with danger and unfortunately too many guys get off on it without seeing the long-term (physical and mental) damage to their partners. Anyway, the story lacked in character building and this reduced the interest in the characters.

Despite the flaws described by the other commentors, i quite liked it. Keep it coming!

He said he thought it was luck, that he DIDN'T know he had the power as a child.

Cool!

Very well written strong story.

You didn't even follow your own rule that was in the story. He said don't drown twice, a command, and she said okay both times.

Fantastic story. The whole power corrupts absolute power thing must have never been taught to the detractors. It is rougher than most MC stories, but that actually gives it a more unique voice. Plus the protagonist seems to be discovering this as he learns. Five Star effort.

I know it's ten years later, but people are probably saying it's misogynistic because at the end he told the girl to make him a sandwich. Telling women to make your sandwiches, and it's not like she's the maid or mother, is misogynistic. Other than that I don't get why her ass was so elastic or why at the end she suddenly enjoyed it when she was embarrassed after the blow job. I don't think the themes or the scenes were bad it could have just been written better and had more consistent characters.

Re-discovering this classic years later. Hope this sort of rough play makes it way into Milf-ception as the guy realises he can do whatever he wants in a simulation.