by fltzr44
the was great
i had a girlfriend whose family was like that,
wow, do i miss her
mm jess family just one hot start just hope you can keep it up mmmTYleannXXX
GREAT INTRO AND TOTALLY HOTTTTT PREMISE..DEFINETELY TELL US MORE..AS A SUPER.. SEX CHARGED WOMAN/MOM..WITH A TOTALLY HOT...UNINHIBITED... FAMILY..JUST AS YOU DESCRIBE... WITH 2 SONS SAME AS JESS AND HIS BRO..AND A HOT STUD HUSBAND/DAD.. WHO ARE TOTALLY INTO STUD "BI' ACTION..WHICH ALWAYS GETS ME TOTALLY DRIPPING..AND MOST OFTEN "SQUIRTING". JUST AS IT DOES TO SO MANY OTHER WOMEN/MOMS OUT THERE...PLEASE TELL US MORE ABOUT THAT WHICH YOU BRIEFLY STARTED TO.. .AND IGNORE ANY STUPID/USUAL CRITICS ON THIS SITE..WHO ARE TOTALLY CLUELESS TO THE DEGREE OF HOTNESS THAT TOTAL FAMILY BI ACTION RESULTS IN. WHICH THEY ARE AFRAID TO ADMIT...HOPE TO HEAR ALL THIS FAMILY ACTION WILL INCLUDE INTER-GENERATIONAL ALSO....THANX
...from 1 to 150 miles an hour in 10 seconds! Listen, the sex is really hot but how about another few chapters with some sexy, erotic build up before the sex and some background too. It would make for a much more rounded out story, believe me. In the meantime, thanks for the interesting read.
As usual, an anonymous critic of other people giving feedback about a story, that the author asked to receive. If the author didn't want feedback, he could've turned it off. Negative doesn't mean bad.
To the author, the story was rushed, but you have potential. It just sounded more like a news report, than a story. Keep at it, you'll improve.
you have imagination, but you should work a little on the pacing and the dialogue. Also, it would help a great deal if the family characters had names instead of just calling them Mom, Dad, Bro and Sis. It's rather distracting.
Please take this as constructive criticism, you really have potential.
This has real promise, but you should slow down the pace a bit and flesh out the story. Barb is coming into something unusual and new. Even though she wants it you'd expect there to be some emotion both from her and the family, not just bang boom, fucked before she hits the floor. They're humans, not bonobos. ;)