Maybe you should have put a little more thought into the plot; made it a little more believable. It's not all that poorly written; mostly way beyond the realm of belief.
you seem to forget that the stories in here are entertainment, not real life, if you don't like them don't read then and later bitch about them.
You fit a lot into one page, but I have to wonder if it might not have been a better story with a bit more buildup. It's a little far-fetched, in this age of instant communications, to believe that Jenny couldn't have gotten into contact with Jake. Or that nobody with whom he apparently stayed in contact wouldn't have heard about a pregnancy that ended up getting her tossed out by her parents. It's also a pretty shaky premise that she could have simply disappeared without anyone knowing where she was or how to find her, or that his father wouldn't have let him know he'd taken her in. Similarly, it's a stretch to believe that Jake didn't even know the name of the woman his father had married. Seriously?
The readers at Literotica ARE expected to suspend disbelief when it comes to the stories here. A person would have to be either crazy or incredibly gullible to believe even half the stories here were completely factual, and not the result of someone's fevered imagination. But even with that "disbelief suspended" there are some things that will make a reader respond with a "Wait-a-minute-what-was-that!?" This story had it's share of those moments.
In response to some of the earlier comments, I don't think TheBuffalo was too far out of line when expressing their opinion. In fact, I find myself agreeing with their comment. After all, what did they say? Let me summarize: "Put some more effort into the plot." "Make it more believable." and "It's not badly written, just beyond belief." Hardly a "slam". I don't know why Lazarus responded as harshly as they did. The remark about "whining" is also difficult to understand, since the comment in question didn't seem to contain any whining.
I agree with part of what Lazarus said: Stories here ARE for entertainment. Having said that, while there's no "requirement" to make them believable, making an effort to do so typically only makes them better. (The exception to that would be those stories that deliberately include impossibly huge cocks, monstrously gigantic tits, and totally implausible plots. And that's not what this particular story seemed to be going for.)
I'd also echo RockyRaccoon's comment: Nice start. If the author could incorporate a little more believability and provide a bit more sound explanations for the actions of his characters, it would also make for a better story. To be honest though, I wouldn't be surprised if this story becomes just another "one and done" entry with no follow-up(s). There are any number of stories that, for one reason or another, just seem to been forgotten by their authors, and many of them are better written than this one, to be perfectly frank.
lazarus402002, you DO know that people have to read a story first to bitch about it, don't you?
Are you one of those tools on here that can't stand read criticism? The inability to deal with criticism is a sign of immaturity.
If you can't handle reading criticism, don't read it and then bitch about it. See how that works?
Really enjoyed your story. Maybe another chapter on how they both get pregnant. Keep up the good work. Don't worry about the Anon Crap, how many stories have they written? Just like a Politican, ain't got no Balls. Thanks.
I hate dominance, it's not erotic or fun to read.
I find myself in agreement with the Buffalo. While I don't care much for S&M I still found the story worth reading. It is a good story, but I think it could have been a GREAT story. Fiction is better when the story is believeable, in every aspect, once we have suspended belief and entered into the world of the story. Every detail should work in the world we ask the reader to enter. Ex. A story is set in modern times should conform to modern actions, therefore the person caring for the child would have told the father. The mother could have found him,or if not we should have been told why. I repeat, it's a good fictional story. Let's make the next better.
I apologize for this story. As you can tell from the comments it is not one of the best I've ever written. The simple fact is that I like to challenge myself at times, no matter the risk, to broaden my writing style and topic.
Thank you all for your feedback. I guess this isn't one of those realms I'll be trying again in the near future. LOL
As for the anon using Arthur.email@example.com who sent me the insightful e-mail my only response is get some balls and put a real e-mail so we can communicate and I have an opportunity to learn from one who obviously has a great opinion of themselves and their ability to write. Hmmmmm ... maybe not since they didn't leave any way to see if they've written anything.
I did not read any ones Comments but i think another Chapter to see where everyone ends up. How many kids does Step-Mom have and Does Jenny become Mistress or just his Sub.
Step this and step that is not incest. There is no blood relation at all. To be real incest it has to be sex between true blood relations. Sex with step family does not count.
According to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laws_regarding_incest#U nited_States
"Many states also apply incest laws to non-blood relations, including stepparents, step-siblings, and in-laws."
So you decide.
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