All Comments on 'Living Riot'

Khartoum , Jallian Wallah Baug or the Fall of Bastille ...!! 5-ed

first 5ed

hive mind buzz, Rolling thunder - old as are a few others, but:

Rolling thunder rumble of feet

The shaking wake of the stampede

Felt in the guts while heard

are good sonics, let's try a small change

Heard in the guts while felt

how does that play stampede/heard feet/felt?

Blank and automatic in the moment is a fantastic line.

I agree with 1201 about some of the images being a bit cliche. It works, but you have a lot going on in that mind of yours and I'm quite certain you can come up with stronger, kabaaam images.

On a side note, I believe mobs are born as much out of boredom as fear and discontent. Although maybe discontent is quite close to boredom.

a glimpse into purgatory. TK U MLJ LV NV

The 3rd triplet really strikes me. Yes, this does have a clichéd moment or two, as 12o1 mentions but I think you slant enough of what's current into your poem that it doesn't seem trite at all.

Overall, I appreciate this poem as a comment on the times, could be Cairo, Istanbul, Athens... ahh what a wonderful world!

...of fear. We see it SOMEwhere in the world almost every night. This poem creates the atmosphere well. 5 from me.

The mob mentality is a very frightening thing to witness as it becomes as one maddened beast