All Comments on 'Trip To Remember Pt. 01'

Suggest an editor for your next submission.

with these filth authors.

Yet another cuck writer flooding this site. 1* and I didn't even get half way. How's that for feedback you were so desperate for?

The bus couldn't have cabins so big to allow what happened. maybe it wasn't a bus, but a big ship...

Don't do it, man. Seriously, you don't have command of the language.

Or probably just slime

Also, this story is just bad and I didn't get thru the first page. You need an editor who knows the English language better than you do. Bad grammar & tense use utterly destroys the story. "I woke up because of nice feeling..." is just 1 example. There are many more. the phrase should be "I woke up because of A nice feeling...". Also, please use English names people can understand--Ashmet????? Even Ishkabible is better than this Indian bs.

1*

at least these two losers are together at least for a little while

Damn, guys. This author obviously doesn't speak English as his first language. He went out on a limb and submitted a story (unlike the annonies here who contribute nothing to the site except their incessant whining), despite his difficulty with the language. No one forced you to read it. Hell, I didn't get past the first couple of paragraphs.

This isn't a great work of erotic literature, but why do you all have to be such fucking pricks about it? Why does this site attract so many angry losers? Just because we're approaching a weekend and you're all stuck at home again, dateless and jerking off, don't take it out on this poor guy. Lighten up.

Sorry, author, but I had to comment on the comments rather than your story. If you ever do write a "Part Two" to this story, I highly recommend you find someone to edit it for you. We don't expect Shakespeare here, but the story has to be readable to be enjoyable.

Totally unbelievable.

at least the idiot anonomouses keep their anger here and out of the elementry school and ar15"s out of their hands

...especially in light of the disparity in language and culture.

Orgy on the bus to Goa, is a new theme for this category....although a lot like other vacation orgy stories in most regards.

Since you are translating from your own language into English, it might be wize and especially important to put two or three times as much effort into editing as into writing.

In your place, I would put vast effort into making every sentence grammatically correct, every word spelled correctly. I would seek another's help with editing for both content and structure so the story is more readable, more enjoyable and so it bfollows a plan or, more accurately, a plot.

You are certainly a brave soul to submit a story in a foreign language to a venue known for harshness and biting criticism.

But you have something to offer in how your story develops and progresses and some of your ideas are intriguing.

Try again, but put much much more effort into editing, so it is smooth and flowing from one idea to the next.

As it is, a very rough, very crude first time, but with some promising ideas.

The simple fact is english is too subtle a language for a non speaker to be writing stories in it. As far as editing goes it would have been impossible there was too many mistakes.

You show an unfortunate ignorance, both of the basis of writing and the basis of language.

Plenty of non-native speakers write here, and their language skills are not a problem. Even those with a discernible "accent" (I'm thinking Winterfrog) can write localized stories that might even be enhanced by the sense of place residual non-native grammar gives.

Finally, English is not owned by a particular ethnic group. You would confine it to the British Island? Which section of the US do you want to have control over the American sub-dialect of English? And... quite of lot of what happens in India happens in the English language, and English closer to its origins that what is spoken in the US.

This story had poor grammar, spelling, and word choice. I have worked with non-native writing in English, and what I saw here is fixable.

What isn't fixable is uncontrolled arrogance.

Green-something

Give the kid a break, will you! You know English isn't his first language, so enjoy the story and just glide over the "mistakes." I'd like to see you try writing in some other language than English! Oh, and your comments aren't all that well-written, by the way. Clean up your own English before you criticize someone else's .

Bangcouple, keep at it and ignore the stupid ignoramuses.

very hot

Excelent story! And for those grammar teachers, this is not the forum to criticize our writing. Start with the Americans (from the US, of course, not LatinAmerica) that speak and spell the worst English. Ask the British how they feel hearing a Texan or a Newyorker...

I enjoyed the story a lot! We read to get hot and excited, and you succeded with me Bangcouple!

Wife getting 2 new cocks in bus, what will happen in hotel and on beach like Majorda.

I would love to see my wife with two or three cocks and then love her in all ways

Despite a situation which didn't seem plausible and some language errors here and there, I liked the story... and don't worry, if 19 people have commented here and some of them have tried to pick on your language skills, the story is worth its salt.... there are so many works here which otherwise go completely unnoticed and many such stories are written by 'Americans' in their 'impeccable' english...

But yes, there is no harm running your next story past an editor for any grammatical/spelling error... I am ready to do it too, if you wish so...

All the best and keep writing

I like your work. I do notice that English does not appear to be your first language and this shows in occasional awkwardness of syntax or phraseology, but this is a minor issue. Your overall writing is good and I trust that you will continue writing it.

We had been married for a short time when we went to the beach for the 4th of July. I am a very small lady with small boobs 34B. My husband is a foot taller then me we both were very young back then. My husband always tell me that my puffy nipples make my breast look great. We had drove all night to get there and when we got into the ocean the water was great and my suit would not stay on very good it was a white and was very lose on me. I was getting sunburn and the lady next to us told us she had some cream that would help my burn. My husband feel asleep so I sit with her and her husband. She unhook my top to put on the cream it was so cool. I forgot about my top and her hand were so soft I must have dose off the next thing I know I feel her hand on my boobs I just kept still and let her feel me up. I was so hot she even put her hand into my bottom I started to move around some. She moved her hands away and kiss my lips and said hello sunshine.

If you aren't ready to write, as in this case, or can't write, also the case here. Just don't try it. This is a farce.

Welcome to the toughest category you could post a story in, Loving Wives. You're paying the price of admission here in the comment section.

The fact is most of these commenters have never posted a story and are quick on the draw to shoot a story down. I say fuck that and keep writing.

That said, never expect any mercy here. Write because you like to write, not for anyone's approval. 5 stars for effort.