All Comments on 'Family Road Trip'

by sushik999

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  • 15 Comments
FinnGriswoldFinnGriswoldover 10 years ago

Too short and you repeated yourself once at the beginning. If you had extended this to an actual incestuous encounter then it may have been better.

AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago
Unrealistic

No real build up, repeated descriptions and just too stupid a story to be even remotely believable. As if you could just do that and she would accept it....lol - if you are going to write a story at least make it realistic.

AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago
stupid

stupid story

AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago
Keep going

Keep going with it, but proof read before submitting. The more you write and learn from criticism the better you will write.

BigPeteHBigPeteHover 10 years ago
Unrealistic??

it's getting really annoying seeing feedback like this? i mean seriously think about it ... how many realistic situations where a brother and sister hook up are there? sushik this was a really good start and i hope you continue :)

AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago

It was indeed short with a few errors here and there but even so it was good and I would love for you to continue the story. How is Danni gonna make him pay her back? Is things between the Danni and him gonna heat up? will there affair be discovered? will Mari get involved? There is so many ways this story can unfold and I can't wait to find out how it does unfold. I would love for the next chapter to be a bit longer at least 2 if not 3 pages long.

thecarolinadreamerthecarolinadreamerover 10 years ago
NEEDS WORK

The idea is good but it's very short. Last line is confusing, who owes who? I read it as the sister owes the brother. That makes no sense to me, so maybe I read it wrong. Just a suggestion: always print the story and read it aloud from the copy. I'd like story better if I knew more about the characters. They badly need fleshing out so they seem more real. I hope you continue this story line. Think of the paths it could take: Danni, Mari, and even Mom are all alone and needing it badly. Give it to them, man, but make us believe it could really happen. above all keep writing!

AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago
LMAO!

I love it! I'm dying here. Almost busted while jacking off...."hmmm...no rag, no sock....I know! Sis's mouth! This is brillant. You, sir, are either a trained and talented author, or a really funny guy. Regardless, I enjoyed this story and urge you to continue it

AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago
Totally Stupid

Crap - Who would even think of this as a fantasy?

AnonymousAnonymousabout 10 years ago
not good at all

no background no character development a rushed stupid middle and no end all equal a waste of time.

Trevor0311Trevor0311almost 10 years ago
Yummy!

I really don't think that this story needed character development for what it was trying to do. I greatly enjoyed it. Also, what man would't want to squirt a load of cum into the mouth of an unsuspecting little sister? No explanation needed as far as I'm concerned :)

cyberwolfpackcyberwolfpackalmost 9 years ago
where's the next bit

I like stories like this where there in the car and the ones in the back are doing erotic deeds while the people in front are non the wiser can people please make more like this also can you continue this story just asking

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago

Pathetic

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

I fucked my aunt and my aunts oldest daughter plus my sister four them they are now carrying my kids in them we living together my aunt that sleeps with me the most in my bed top it off she married me there was even one time4 woman and me went on vacation nudist we all nude when two groups black guys took my mom and aunt put them both big blanket put on their backs rammed their cunts large cocks both screamed tooks turns with them then real gangbang ing started heard aunt scream my ass extra large cock in cunt and ass and my mom to all guys end up unloading in them then saw my cousin and sister being fucked by black guy all I heard my aunt yell don't cum in me all four and carrying black kid them once we go home told 4 of themhaving those kids too

AnonymousAnonymous5 months ago

Fucking painful to read. Your writing is atrocious. And I'm not saying that based on one story. I just went through your entire library...yep...all three of them...and determined that you can't write. It's not even as simple as needing an Editor. You need a Ghost Writer, because you have proven you can't do it alone.

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