All Comments on 'Unintended Betrayal'

Continuing to see shallow characters...unfortunately the world is full real people like that so there is more realism that I feel comfortable admitting.

Once again lack of communication is leading to a divorce. Why she didn't talk to her husband is beyond me. OK. Maybe he was working too hard "To climb the corporate ladder". Now she's cheated at a conference. All I can see is one day she'll be caught and it's all over.

hopefully her husband leaves her with nothing she doesnt cherish her marriage and is just a whore.

She will get half of the husbands wealth even if she betrays him. Sorry state of affairs when there are no devastating consequences for her behavior.

One develop your characters if she is cheating you should have worked on the bar conversation

Two your sex scene was like a teenagers work on it.

Three a small mention of the husband gets you no where it would have been better to put the conversation in with the wife stating her complaint then cheating if she doesn't get her way

Four draft proof read rewrite proof read at least 2-3 times you will be amazed at the changes that show up

Life offers no second chances

What happens when the wife becomes a partner and work becomes the wife? This would be the result.

Yes, good story. A little short and to the point but none the less a good story. If it's purpose was to entice and arouse it did just that. It had all the beginning elements of good erotica; conflict, emotion, arousal, driven passion. Sometimes that's all there is to erotica, but a great deal of the time there is more. Other times, you prefer a little more character development, plot and intrigue. You started with some and it was moving well enough for you to establish motive and then you jumped into the sex, which for me works, but check out writers like frozenhero1 (who balances good story and good sex) or The_shadow_rising (the master of the internal struggle).

Last comment before I go and that is to all the Nay sayers, this is a story your moralistic diatribes belong elsewhere. Talking the high ground on a quasi porn site is a little bit of an oxymoron don't you think?

Well told and written. I think she likes how he feels and will want much more as time goes on. Thanks for sharing.

All evidence to the contrary. Well written but certainly not unintended. She wanted to cheat.

That is a fact that you can take to the bank. She was just feeling lonely and wanted someone to fill a warm stop in the bed next to her that night. She just crossed the bridge to slutdom.

An interesting story. I like slutwife stories as much as the next man, and thought this was good. Although, I thought half way through that maybe this was her husband, having surprised her on her business trip with a reawakening of their passion.

That would have been good too...

I think if you want to have a family and children that's great. But you should EXPECT that at some point your woman will cheat, deceive and betray you... because that's their selfish nature. As long as you expect it, are ready to deal with it appropriately and protect yourself... go ahead take a long term mate. But if you think for one minute that your love is somehow special and immune to this type of behavior... if you think that she really cares about you as much or more than herself... that she would NEVER disrespect you or hurt you... then you are DESTINED to be in a lot of pain.

the ache to be wanted and to be passionate with someone who wants to be passionate with you is a powerful force...one that has had me under its control. And as I read your paragraphs I knew exactly where she was going and the mixed feelings she had a long the way. I thought it was very exciting!

Decent first effort. Too short though. Didn't like the wife. She knew she was wrong and did it anyway. She woke up knowing she could leave and did it anyway. She didn't complain about her husband exhausting himself to make a good home for her. She didn't express her frustrations to him before she allowed herself to cheat. However a good author writes for the effect on the reader good or bad. You have done that

not conducive to long term planning, TK U MLJ LV NV

The mechanics of the story were well done but some minor errors a good editor can catch (i.e. "...that nobody need NO of her indiscretion" wrong NO - it s/b 'know') Anyway, it would be better if you gave a little more background about her husband and the "bigger man".

Keep writing and try to develop a stronger storyline.

Plot: Can you blame her? She spent 6 months telling her husband he was not performing his husbandly duties - ( or did she?). 3*

Nothing new or special here. Without talking to her husband, she takes what she wants.

This is why I've advised my son to get a prenup. I don't want him to be a starter husband for a woman who sees him work his way upward, then grabs half his money and runs to her next victim.

Vows mean nothing, nowadays. The marriage "contract" is bullshit. If it were a real contract, you should be able to sue the bitch for "intentional (yes, intentional, not 'unintended'!) infliction of emotional distress". I don't get that. How about it, Rehnquist? Can you explain that one to us?

Two people talk to one another even if it's just a bar hookup. This story had:

"Fuck me."

"Cum in me."

"Again?"

That's it. Zipless fucks are fine. Wordless fucks are dull. I'm not talking about the "Argghh, stick it in me, unnnngghh unnnngghh AARRRGGGHH" pirate talk crap that passes for human dialog in many LW stories. I'm talking about the conversation that led up to that happening. It's what people do and it's what writers should try to capture. LW stories are about human beings.

It's easier to write with dialog if you pay attention to how people speak to one another. It's easier to read because there are fewer long boring sea-of-gray paragraphs. And it's far more realistic and entertaining.

And the narration features a plethora of adjectives and adverbs! What is the 'collective' for adjectives (like a 'murder of crows')? I offer 'an excess of adjectives' - to be shared in describing a ganging-up of adverbs!

A number of useful suggestions were offered, and should be considered (excluding 'The author should die painfully of diphtheria of the dipstick!') Chief in my frequent quibbles is that the story needs a bit more on Hubby...ideally including her Discussion with him about the state of their sex-life and how THEY might improve it! Failing that, a post-coital vow to give daily 'warm, wet wake-up calls' to Hubby like she did to Bull! If Sweetie's relationship with Hubby is NOT affected as a part of an LW tale, it ain't LW! It can be passionate, or sad, or terminal, or re-invigorating or just confusing! (Hubby does NOT necessarily have to know why his life with Sweetie changed.) Without some effect on Hubby, an author might as well just make Sweetie a divorcee, or widow or bachelorette!

After the divorce I hope both of them are happier, didn't find this erotic.

The bit about "unintended" betrayal is quite clearly bullshit. She made a choice to do it and then to keep on doing it. That said, betrayal cuts both ways, and any guy who abandons his wife for upward promotion is a fucking dick, who is telling himself the lie that he's going to be anything but a corporate tool for the rest of his life. Even if a fat slob who does nothing but come home tired and watch TV could make it to the top of the chain, making it to the top of the chain doesn't mean you're going to be anything more than a washed up fat sack of flesh who no longer has a marriage because he discarded it for money.

Seriously guys, don't tell yourself the lie that you're doing your families a favor with that kind of shit. It's completely untrue, and a fantasy fed by people using you. Yeah, *some* day you'll be rich beyond your wildest dreams and be able to finally have your own wife whenever you want.

Someday. When you're old, grey and half-dead.

this is a shit. sorry

It's a pretty good chance she would have been fucked real good.

Now she's just another skanky whore.

Stupid douche.

but I have to point out that this is a terribly written piece. I mean English wise.

I know people hate when we English Nazis appear but dammit, this is supposed to be your native tongue! If it is not, take some grammar lessons.

For instance, any 5th grader is aware that no and know are two different things. If you insist on writing at least have enough respect for yourself and your readers to make an effort at handing over something readable.

And for those of you who want to get on my case for this, remember, America is no longer #1. Why do you think that could be? Could it be because we no longer acknowledge quality?

in all her details. It really explains to you the mechanism behind the seemingly stupid actions of many people. It has to be recognized as a sketch of the story.

Yes, please. I don't go to LW section looking for faithful wives stories and I don't read a story looking for reasons not to like it. So keep writing and keep posting 'em here. Thanks.

because your either the whore your husband married or your married to the whore in the dumb ass story

like this one.... makes a person flip from one side to the other... too many memories

Nice pace and progression.

A fantastic look at the wife's side of cheating and why she acted as she did.

I like reading about neglected women finding relief for their sexual needs.

Thanks for the read.

A commenter wrote; "I like reading about neglected women finding relief for their sexual needs." I do too, provided they get seperated or divorced first instead of acting like a cheating cunt.

Divorce the Cunt!

Divorce the bitch!

I see one side of the family story, we do not see the husbands? If this was a BTB, I can imagine while she gets it on, the husband is out side waiting, perhaps do something that is seldom seen on literotica, where the husband instead of going home, crying or looking over pictures, she showers freshens up and walks outside to come face to face with her husband and process server and without any words is told "YOU ARE SERVED" THE LOCKS ARE CHANGED AND THIS UHAUL HAS YOUR BELONGINGS GOOD BYE AND GOOD LUCK. Lover boy also gets served and turns out is married with kids.. And is informed his wife has complete copies of the video and pictures and your whereabouts which also includes her pulling up and slapping both his face and hers. His wife tells him to stay away from the house his things are on the side walk in boxes and she can can have him. The end both lovers no longer have the sparkle of love for each other and walk their own separate ways. Such is life for a cheater. At least that is how I would angle the next chapter.

this is played out all the time... a total 5 for me

Yes, Sweetie IS married. Yes, we know a little about how their marriage has cooled. Yes, Sweetie DOES inform us how Hubby compares to Bull vis-a-vis wedding tackle size.

BUT, why it does NOT achieve LW status, by my criterium, is that We-The-Readers do not get to know how her escapade affects their marital relationship.

Tell the whole story. Finish it. This could be a random page any where in the whole story. 3*s

This should have a higher score. Yes, it's too short but hot as hell and well written.

for another marriage ruined by a crotch thinker

OVAuthor: For a first story this is pretty good. Those who pointed out need to develop the characters better have a point. Also remember it's hard to have too much proofreading. A good time to stop is when you find you're just making changes for the sake of change.

Keep on writing!

About a worthless fucking slut. Now if you had finished with her getting aids and passing it on to her "worthless" husband that slaved for her each day, that would have been a story.

Hope she likes her divorce.

She wanted it, she got and wanted some more. She will have to live with the consequences which hopefully will be severe.

Just another writer trying to glorify a so called good wife being nothing but a narcissistic slut. Ridiculous

Where was the finish???