All Comments on 'Tour Bus Incest'

A story which has a ring of truth to it. It could have been a little more detailed and moved a little more slowly. I enjoyed it because it does convey a clear meaning to the reader. Part two (2) should be more interesting. His sister could include some of the female artists Johnny works with, and yet maintain her solid connection with her brother.

made no sense,(IE tell me bro why did you stop fucking me) brother gives her nothing,then he starts feeling her up and she rejects him, until next time she fucks him,also there not worried about others on bus,plane etc

my opinion story needs a back story,on how,why,when they started fucking,more on why he stopped fucking her, more about their early relationship etc etc

I sort of like how she went all business on him. "Tess?"..who else would it be?

short left out a few pages :( was a good start. needs a little more polish and editing.

You did a bad job with a great idea. You need to develop your characters.

Thank you for your comments. This is one of my first stories that I have written. I appreciate your comments, even though constructive criticism is a tough pill to swallow sometimes.

I've written several more stories. A few of them are pending approval now. I hope that you all will come to enjoy my stories.

Thanks again

EF

Oddly enough that was a pretty good plot. It felt more like you wrote down an outline, then expanded it to paragraph form. Lil more work in the shop and you got a good piece of work right there. A re-release with a back story, more in depth character development, and the tease of more to come; you could have a real nice continuing story

Great story line that was well developed. I liked the real emotion portrayed here because it was real and understandable. However, you left us hanging...

Good topic. Characters and story line need to be fleshed out a lot more. Needs more passion and taboo flavor.

This story was so fucking short I have no idea why you even bothered with it

if it bothered Tess so much WHY did she continue to work for him? it seems that when he started to shut her down sexually that she would have quit and found a different job. at the very least she should have kept her distance from him, traveling separately or working from an office and giving him details by phone. for her to keep traveling with him would have been torture.

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Nussin siskon pillua bussissa.

Johnny was dumber than a box of rocks. Author you need to be kinder to your characters. Johnny was beyond a pure idiot.