by Slirpuff
Well written and enjoyable but so short I would call it a flash. Still great to read a new posting. Please, may we have another.
Probably would have been a good story, had you bothered to write the whole thing.
I like writing flash stories, and love reading them. Leaves you to fill in the gaps. Great little story.
So glad you came back to writing, slirpuff!! I've missed your brand of stories!
except to say how excited I was to see a new slirpuff, yet mildly disappointed that the entry wasn't more meaty. So, as to this story, it is a nice bite-sized morsel, and I can only hope that this was a little pen-polishing exercise, getting us ready for a more substantial feast soon to come. Either way, great to see you still at it! Thanks!
The author labeled this as a "Flash Story." That simply means it is a short, concise story with a single theme and no side threads. This was a well written flash story. Thanks!
You're my favorite LW writer, and as I reread "the Price of Forgiveness" today I was hoping you would write more! Great flash story.
Are why you are amongst my favorite writers, no I take that back why you are my favorite writer here.
To those of you who think this story is not finished you need an injection of imagination. I'm going to take this yarn many places bofore i'm finished.
Looks like wifey and Uncle David are going to do some time.They certainly deserve it
As per usual with a Slirpuff story, some tremendous moments were captured along with some trite ones. The near death experience introduction grabbed attention and riveted me to the rest of the story ( as did the bitch-queen redhead). Therein lies the following problem.
The ending, however, was a veritable throwaway with the revelation of the damming handwritten ledger and cut brakelines. Those two elements ceased to be cutting edge about Rockford files ruled in Nielson ratings top twenty. I'm sure brake lines are still cut & accounting ledgers are hand written but not by people with three digit IQs.
To sum things up, I'm hoping this flash story triggers a creative explosion from the esteemed author. He has a streak hitter quality as an author and there's very few talents more moving when he's on a roll.
Slirpuff has been, quiet as of late, & he has been missed. The comment boards sizzle with passion when stories like the 'Big Mouth' series or ' A Little Bit of Death' enter and elevate the Loving Wife fray.
You haven't posted anything in a while and I'm glad you are back. Great flash. Hope you have another story soon.
the britease liked this he would have forgave her.The story was great and right to the point.
Too short but...perfect!
Thanks, hope you've got more in your head...a little bit longer. Good stories need to be read slowly, patiently, savored and enjoyed like a good steak dinner.
Okay, write soon!
Thanks!
quick, fun, great to have, but leaving me wanting more
thanks for posting!
A good friend dreams on his friend's wife.
A better friend fucks the wife of his friend.
However THE BEST FRIEND KILLS HIS GOOD FRIEND IN ORDER TO FUCK HIS WIFE!
I generaly critize the Authors to stop writting longer epilog. However this sort of story which need not any longer epilog. The epilog may be a criminal court trial only.........
junkie. Heart rate only went up five beats when this ended. Damn. Fine start to something more......
You're forgiven. Love your stuff. 5*
Great tale. He had the best revenge possible against the cheating whore cunt wife and his jerkoff asshole prick brother. HE LIVED!!!
And it was said in one page. Excellent.
With a Slam Dunk delivery. The only thing that surprised me is that Carla did not even try to fake it. She was a psychopath!
But flash stories are always crap. Next time, please give us three pages.
Always look forward to your stories.... been a while.... where have you been........ i think there has to more to this one... you just whett our apetite....
I just love a guy who rides a bike and trains in martial arts...sigh.
Maybe again in your next story?
I keep you on as favorite knowing you will return sometime,,, nice to have you back
Nothing like a really short story from a really good writer. All the essentials are there. We fill in our own details...or not. It could be expanded into a fuller story, but there is no need. Total immersion into another person's mind for a few minutes. Wow.
Always a pleasure reading your stuff, I look forward to Moore.......
This story was tight. Not just its length, but its economy of words and presentation. Maybe the best written of SP's stories? Was kind of hoping for a classic SP marriage in turmoil emotional rollercoaster, but this was slick as hell.
For a prolific writer you have been gone for a year and a half,it's nice to see you are still with us. I just hope you start writing your wonderful stories again. By the way thank you for all you have written.
... but it's good to see you back. Even though I haven't always appreciated everything that you've written, I still think that you're the most talented writer on this site and "Life After Death" remains my favorite story to this day.
A lot of good authors are ill or passing away(relinquish,castlestone,josephus...) i am glad you are with us!
Not one wasted word. Interesting and to the point. Well done.
best make plans to Plan B, TK U MLJ LV NV
Even this little one beats the hell out of almost all the rest. I hope you find time to stay tuned.
The 'off' aspects are well-addressed among the comments, as are the kudos. I hereby echo both!
'Uncle' Dave,' to address a comment, may well NOT be a blood relative or an in-law. Very economical read, but certainly rich...and COMPLETE. Do those who want it stretched out REALLY want to read about the red-head bitch and UncaDave in (different) prisons for 40 years? I thought not.
Yea Slirpuff, I wanted more . Please, write soon. Make it a big juicy, thoughtful,
heart rendering, and sexy story. Am I asking for much?
@LSD Yes cutting a brake line is mundane and old. Writers have used it for 100 years, to kill people. On the other hand criminals have been using hand written ledgers as a second set of books. They are unhackable. Not downloadable
(a memory stick for example). And not easily erased or manipulated. I guess
you aren't much of a criminal LSD. lol.
Salivating for another Slirpuff I am
AMerryMan
In the day's of rampant identity theft, all major creditors being frauds, 1000s of lawyers threatening people for fraudulent debt... yeah, EVERYONE should be keeping their most important records by hand... and storing it for bloody ever.
well written but incomplete... you cant end a story like that... we need more... much more...
He had the prescience to keep his mouth shut. Really good quickie. Real fiver! It has the makings of an interesting longy.
Great to have your imagination and skills back. You have been sorely missed. Will be checking for more of your work regularly. 5 for this one.
Unsatifying story, in my opinion a flash story still needs a middle, not just a beginning and an end. About as erotic as slamming your finger in a door. 2*
Slirpuff is one of the writers who inspired me to post some of my own stuff here. It's great to have another contribution and I want to give it a high score - in thanks and to encourage more.
As others have said, this story is well-written and as a taster is fine. But it leaves me dissatisfied and wanting more, I think because it does not work in its own terms. It sets out a situation but fails to absorb us into the action and make us care about the characters, who are not provided with uniqueness or personality. I think very short stories such as those written by the greats (Hemingway, Carver, Cheever for you Americans, I guess) create an intense moment full of curious elements and a vital charge of ambiguity which leaves the reader wondering what happened when the momentary exposure of the scene is over. This story leaves the reader nothing to wonder - except possibly to ask why an intelligent man would be married to a woman prepared to kill him for his money.
Slirpuff, your big strength is in your naturalistic description of personal conflict and in keeping your better stories psychologically truthful - that is to say you let your characters do what is true to their personality. Your best stories - not I think the highrest scoring, but for instance A Room with a View - do this better than anybody else. Another story of marital conflict, where husband and wife more or less love one another but are beset by the ups and downs of real life and real human weakness, is what I'd love to read - minimal 'plot' and maximum dramatisation of the problems in human relationships.
A remarkably skilled, imaginative, and consistent writer, and this does not vary at all from his high standard.
A sterling example of what a skilled writer can do in the shortest possible space without superfluous details. Well done Sir! Five stars.
.... "FLASH! AHH-AHHH, SAVIOR OF THE UNIVERSE!"...
A good few minutes worth. Ok, it's wrapped up in a short page, but it also could have been great as a full write. There's more in here than in some other's whole story.
Cheers
I haven't seen you negative commits in too long.
Glad to see your still out there...
I didn't read all the comments but one said short and sweet but could have been more. I tend to agree with that comment. I have read most of your stories and am sure I liked them all. In some cases more is better. Thanks for the read though, I really liked it.
ps. kudos on your comment to H in VA. He tends to ding me all the time too and often writes so much it is a shame he doesn't channel that energy into actually writing a story once. *S* at least all you got was his zzzzz's.
pss. sorry for anonymous but I didn't feel like signing in today.
To paraphrase an old news man: "And where's the rest of the story?"
It is fairly obvious you are holding back "The rest of the story."
Just another excuse for not filling out the details. Or you're joining Britease and JPB in not bothering to finish your stories. Where is Finishthedamnstory when you need him?
Not too long, not too short!
Just concise, covered all the needed basis (at least for those of us who have an imagination) and...Perfect!!!
Thanks!
Very good, well written, tells the tale and even the English is quite good. Keep writing
Few words that pack a punch. Well written.
Thank you.
Regards,
-Pultoy
And all you others who don't like the length of this story.
From the bottom of my balls, BLOW ME!
If you want more, ask the author if you can "finish" it yourself.
In the follow up you guys want so much Steve misses the sound of her voice, begins visiting her in prison and is waiting for her when she gets paroled.
I liked it well enough and thought it was good while it lasted, but.........
Yep, I couldn't believe Slirpuff ( aka Steve Moore ) had actually written this tale. Where were the spelling, grammar & basic English mistakes ...... GONE, oh no, somebody's stolen Steve's LW id.
That aside, this was a fun read, short, sharp & to the point, didn't need anymore. Keep it up. 5 *****
Great story. I enjoyed reading it and had to read it twice. It is a good story line for a bigger story, I wouldn't mind reading such a story from You. Keep em coming and we'll keep reading em.
it's amazing you could cram that much drama into such a short story. I know many complained it was incomplete but you really had to understand the short ending to get the full meaning
she is really pissed off, for some unknown reason. TK U MLJ LV NV
Write good flash fiction. Regardless of other comments, the story is complete and just the right length.8
This was a very good flash story. The author stated that this was a flash story, so why do idiots like Erotfan make their stupid comments about this story being a flash story. Because they are idiots!
is a flash..:) Thanks, SP. Hey detractors, listen up. If you want, maybe he'll let you take the premise and baseline for you to run with it into your own full-blown story, if and only if you have the guts to post it here. Chickenshit is what it is. Take the heat yourself one time.
"A FLASH story for my friends." No background. No details. No 'fill in the gaps'. Just a sweet, short, get to the point and get it done. No muss, no fuss. 5*.
Flash means just that. One scene, minimal characters and plenty of dialogue. The writer needs to be good enough to infer the prologue and epilogue.
You did well.
Not only does he dump a cheating wife but with her charged with trying to kill him, her and the asshole bother end up in jail and he gets a clean divorce with custody of his kids. Sounds like a win-win.
If you are going to yank the tigers' tail or poke him with a sharp stick you better have a plan for the claws and teeth. Good Job. Signed: BTW