by mikoli5763
No sudden character changes, actual character evolvement!!! You can do it. While I did not like the story because of the cuckolding and poly, kudoes for a well written tale.
...you just had to go and ruin it with all that crap about two wives. Arghhhhh.
What looked to be interesting turned into just another stupid story. You are aware that people do move on after a bad marriage, right?
Mik,
Nice, but I would rather have seen them as a simple couple at the end. But, that's just me. Well done overall.
Matt Moreau
The unimportant was a little too drawn out, the tense and emotive scenes a little too factual and fast, and the woman too weepy pleading for someone who is doin these things. I get the need for her to be placative in order to have the ending you wanted, but it could have been a character growth translation that we see played out. She didn't seem believable as someone having an ongoing emotional affair. She was too apologetic.
You use little motion moments really well (see: the cig before coming in and the man turning away at the bar). Try using description more to imbue emotion as well.
After what is said by most people of people like muslim and mormons and other asian cultures practising the same. I give a 2 for your writing and the content of this story.
Knowing Matt Moreau's stories, I can understand why he would prefer a couple at the end instead of a threesome.
The classic adultery conundrum: if love is stronger than fidelity, where are the boundaries in using love to abuse one's loved one? When does one lose oneself when preserving a destructive loving attachment?
In this case, he loves his career too much for his wife's comfort, but they couldn't acknowledge that his career had to come second in order to preserve their marriage. She loves sex too much to allow her husband to build the affluent future they apparently agree they both want. Neither sacrifices, and both lose.
I'm beginning to think I should sponsor a prize for editors and writers who know the difference between "discrete" and "discreet," "complimentary" and "complementary," etc.
What kind of voodoo science lets a woman who has had her uterus removed, then bear and birth a child?
That's what was written, she was beaten while pregnant, had a miscarriage, had to have her reproductive organs removed...
THEN! Magically the other woman (who must be lobotomized to be so complacent) gives up eggs to be implanted in the cheating whore for the whore to then give birth. WTF?
The story should have ended with the cheating whore being kept as the new couples piteously disfigured maid as she listens to the love of her life(who she threw away) have hot wild monkey sex with the sexy new woman.
I wish that when people write a piece of crap like this, they write a much shorter story so the readers don't waste so much time reading it. It was actually half way decent until the third page, then fell completely apart. What a pile of doo,doo.
Just like I said last time he wrote. Mikoli is a very odd guy. I've never met anyone who thinks and goes about life like his characters do. Is Mikoli odd like his characters? I'd say he has to be to a certain extent. While this is fiction I believe each story brings out a little bit of the authors life and train of thought. When you have a fairly sizable body of work the reasoning behind decisions tends to come out almost the same way in each story (Matt Moreau). Therefore we get a glimpse into the life and minds of certain authors. I'm not saying anything truly negative about Mikoli but he would not be a person that I would get along with. His reasoning and train of thought differ from mine so much that I don't understand the decisions he makes (or his characters makes). I have been highly in love with someone too but I didn't compromise my principles and morals just to back down in hopes she won't leave me. To be honest in my experience when a guy acts that way with his wife it has the opposite outcome. A guy who will not let a woman walk all over him will be far more successful with the ladies then a pushover. It may have been ok in the 60's or 70's but this day in age not being able to put your foot down when it comes to women will run them off faster then just about anything. Women want a real man, not a yes man!
It was going decently till about 3/4 of the way through and then he took her back. After that it went into the trash. No way she is coming back to me. Had one of those and she is now in a second floor walk up working menial jobs cleaning houses. I gave her my heart and soul. Maybe I SHOULD have smacked her once in a while to keep her attention?
My problem is that he didn't divorce her the first time she came up with her plan.Who wants a cheating slut as a wife. And why on earth would you think that the woman that's pregnant with his child would sit back and be happy with him bringing the first wife into their lives? It makes no sense. The plot line is a well used one, but it was okay until the end. I guess my problem with this story, as with several of your other stories, is that I don't feel "engaged" with the characters. The writing isn't compelling enough for me to care what happens to any of them. Their behavior seems illogical. Their emotions seem false. In the end, I didn't care what happened to any of them.
That was sickening. From her demanding an open marriage to her "cheating", she was already fucking cheating! Adultery is any sex outside of the marriage relationship. He was an idiot to put up with any of it. The proper answer is suck it up, this is what married life is about compromise you fucking bitch! In truth, he should have cut the slut loose after the first time he mentioned it. Disgusting story.
You still can't write dialogue to save your life and you still have this sick, misogynistic attitude towards the idea of an open relationship. At least this one wasn't a snuff piece like the two I notice aren't up any more, so that's an improvement, but still only one star.
It was ticking the boxes as an average BTB then it turned violent before taking the bypass to La La land. 2*
It could just be me but how do you "shake your head yes", shouldn't it be nod?
Goes to show that trouble always follows when a loving couple invite extra people into their relationship.
Mikoli, you've created two of the most ignorant characters I've ever read about. I'm so glad they are fictitious; it would be scary to think people like that were roaming the earth.
Unlike many, I don't like revenge scenarios. I understand that people sometimes cheat. I understand that people sometimes simultaneously love more than one person romantically. I understand that relationships change and end. I prefer when the end is amicable. It is possible to break up without hate. It is possible to move on and even be happy for the other person's happiness. It is possible to applaud the winners even if you are the loser.
Your protagonist is a murderer. He is no better than Brad. Sigh
The story held my interest and was well written. Good job. I just didn't like the direction the story took.
Writing wasn't bad and the plot was okayish but the characters!!! .... Wishy washy at best.
Give some thought on a redux.
There really isn't much more to say after that. The plotting was inane. It was a RAAC goosed to a moronic level.
He married her knowing she was divorced. For what reason, had she cheated before? A 'just about possible' story. The end hangs on whether he could find a second woman who was willing to live with the first wife, while knowing her past history of promiscuity.
Guess I'm an ass because I cannot fathom loving a woman enough to put up with her crap. Once? Maybe, but not that many. Her reasons for playing never works and I invite someone to prove to me otherwise. Dale isn't really someone I liked or felt for. Chelsea was certainly a stereotypical self-centered immature bitch. I don't get Michelle. How does she get pregnant by a guy who she apparently knows is still in love with his "should be" ex-wife. Weird. Why did his boss care about him giving her a chance to explain. I must have missed it but why do we care if Victor Fleming died? And, last--how in ghe world was there an in vitro fertilization????
OK, the workaholic has to be threatened, but cannot CONTROL himself, so Sweetie lowers the boom on her threat. Things rock along OK (implausible that Hubby would not be checking up on her) until she cannot CONTROL herself! Then she sequentially gets worse about controlling herself emotionally.
A story that was only odd started to smell about this point. Then Sweetie loses total control of herself on Heart Day, which coincides with when Hubby's workaholism started to pay off big. So Hubby's loss of control trumps Sweetie's in politeness & finances.
By the time we get to partner abuse, extra-marital pregnancy, partner abuse, mutilation and feticide it gets really terrible. Then it goes into the shitter with contract murder. Finally, it flies into a supermassive black hole with magic-fetal-recovery and transcontinental transplantation.
Downing ten shots of mezcal while writing erotica is just fine, as long as it is two-a-day for five days. The worm starts fucking with your brain a little after two shots, and by ten-in-a-sitting the worm has grown into a Dune sandworm!
2*
if that doesnt speak volumes. ...
or filled with rage... He fucks her? YAWN
Working hard for THEM as a married couple is no reason to cheat. Still the wife does have needs.and THAT is where and WHY the story dies.
The husband DOES make big chsnges and the wife concedes he has changed his ways. So WHY say "i still want to fuck other men."????
At that point its over...the marriage and the story
There has been a lot of stories regarding the poor workaholic husband who gets grief his selfish, immature, self centred, princess of a wife.
Even she can be that dime she will reap his efforts with the increase in their standard of living. So tough love stance and resorting to open marriage which is forced upon the poor husband is not a new theme !
I do wonder how a man can get a women pregnant and she would be ok for his ex / wife to join them in a shared home !
Also would Chelsea have been that stupid to fall of the wagon and even do it in her marital bed !
A better situation would have been some sort of black mail on her by Brad.
I think Chelsea would not give up her life for some idiot like Brad for the comfortable life with Dale. Woman do really know what side their bread is buttered on !
In the story I would have liked dale to have some women in the open marriage and Chelsea then realise he was slipping away from her not the other way around.
Mikoli I'm not going to rate this. There is no way he would take back that cheating whore. How many chances are you supposed to give a slut? Maybe one. MAYBE. But she broke the trust many more times and she didn't deserve her faithful husbands love. No she didn't deserve the beating she received but she did earn loneliness. Fucking cunt. I respect your ability as an author I just don't understand your thinking sometimes.
That's about it, you have some issues and you really need to work them out if this is what you think women are like.
Your story. Your ending...personally she woul have been history after her telling me she was going to fuck whomever she wanted.
It always amazes me in these stories how the cheating wife is caught, swears she won't do it again, does it again, gets caught, the expects the fool to believe her when she swears again that it's over!
Another thing from the beginning: While I appreciate the sentiment that if the wife is going to be allowed lovers that the husband should be also (something not always seen in these stories), given the fact that her reason for needing other lovers was because he was too busy to see to her needs, where would he find time for other women? And why does she continue seeing other men when his schedule eases up?
If she needed more sex, or attention or affection or whatever, than her husband was willing or able to give her she needed to leave and get another husband. I can't for the life of me see how an "open" marriage can work in a marriage where either one of the spouses really loves the other one. The premise of "just sex" sounds good in these stories but I can't see how to separate lovemaking and sex.
That said, if there weren't lying men and women and unfaithful spouses who are just the least bit stupid or arrogant then there wouldn't be divorce lawyers, would there?
Convoluted story, fairly well written. Not a dog, but not a homerun either, to mix metaphors. Decent read, keep writing. So far, always a good read.
...the "mini jail riot" and the "knives in the back" killed it for me, Capo. :)
Reap what you sow.old mikoli would probably suck a goober too.
The attitude your story expresses in regards to marital fidelity can only lead to the destruction and mayhem you have described in this tale of woe.
Women are emoters, and will attach themselves emotionally to those whom they bed.
Ignoring the hard-wiring that is programmed into their design will always result in things going awry.
What really makes me dislike your character, though, was his decision to put his ambitions above his marriage, when he destroyed said marriage by opening it up to others.
You reap what you sew, and in this case it was money, which I'm sad to say, has no loyalty.
I think that's what you call it when you're out of food and you just throw whatever you find in your pantry into a pot and call it dinner. I guess your pantry was missing animals, but other than that, your silly hodgepodge slop had everything else.
I stopped mid way through the third page. I couldnt read it anymore. The protagonist was such a contemptible cuck it was pathetic. Then turns into a mangina white knight after her boyfriend, whom she cheated with, disfigures her face? Buhahahaha...
I'm laughing becuase it's so fucking pathetic. This guy clearly didn't have the balls to keep his Marriage intact, nor end it when he should have; particularly as his wife proved to be a serial liar and cheater.
The sad thing is crap like this is the standard on Literotica too. A cucks cesspit.
I'll Pass. *1 only cause I can't rate it any lower.
Some good things:
1) She had a problem with her marriage, and she TALKED to her husband about it!
2) She offered him a chance to change.
3) She told him what would happen if he didn't, and offered him a divorce if he couldn't handle it. It doesn't say, but I assume a fair divorce.
4) She agrees that he can have other women.
Most LW stories jump right to #3, and if the husband tries to divorce her he gets raped in the divorce!
Some bad things:
After he had successfully changed for a few months, then back-slid, she didn't give him a chance to try again.
She says that he can have other women, but as has been said, if he doesn't have time for her, where does he find time for other women? Besides, he doesn't WANT other women, so the "permission" is meaningless.
She broke the agreement to NOT get emotionally involved, and to stop if he became uncomfortable.
He cut back his hours, but she was STILL seeing other people. Including "Brad" who she supposedly wasn't going to see anymore.
"she'd been using that excuse to go out on more than one Friday or Saturday over the past two months." - So, she broke her promise to save the weekends for them.
As he and others have said, what good is her promise now, since she made the SAME promise and broke it, in spades!
"I love you more than I love Brad" - That STILL means that she loves Brad! Loving another man, even if she loves her husband "more," is UNACCEPTABLE!
"I'm done with the sex with other people if that's what you want." - If that's what HE wants? It should be what SHE wants! If she still wants it, she'll find a way to get it.
"I realized what I had after you were gone" - You don't know what you have till it's gone!
Yeah, she means it THIS time, not that she's scarred and probably can't get anyone else!
Why the fuck would Michelle agree to share him? She's never done anything to him to deserve that!
Sorry, should have left her behind to wallow in her misery, knowing what she had lost.
You give someone a licence and then get upset when they want to drive the car? That's just silly.
I don't say this often, but this is a poor story.
Good story! Im with sleepery jim on the characters. Chelsea is a much more sympathetic figure than Dale. First he promises to spend more time with his wife then doesnt, then agrees to her frustrated demand for an open relationship which hes perfectly happy with for 2 years, then gets all pissy when he has more time on his hands and wants her back. What a jerk.
Chelsea should've laughed in his face when he declared himself "dictator", taken him to the cleaners in the divorce and played the field asshole-husband free until she meets Mr. Right and decides to settle down.
Hey.... theres the outline for an alternative ending!
She is on the fifth chance and will eventually blow that as well. She was not worth any of the effort he put into their marriage. He have left her after she said she was going to see other men.
Poor story, she had used up all of her chances early on in the story. And why didn’t he slow down at work and not agree to opening up her side of the marriage. She continually goes back to Brad. Nope don’t see any of it happening like that.
This is when you do your Rosanna Rosanna Danna impression and say "Never mind". Your reading comprehension is poor. There's plenty to criticize in this story. Unfortunately, you got yours backwards.
Some good ratings in your body of work but this one was a big WTF? Maybe another editor? Some good comments. Might take those to heart.
Brain dead. There is more to writing a story than heaping one inexcusable act on top of another while the spouse tries to deal with the intolerable. This is nonsense.
Idiot 1: We can have a good marriage if you accept my LIES.
Idiot 2: OKAY.
I’ll conceived story from beginning to end. It turns my stomach.
The real emotion and authentic circumstances went off the chicane and into the trees a-la-Jim Clark when the whole Brad-eat-me-up aspect was revealed. You mean his friend never mentioned that? Also, if she was still on his insurance, he'd have gotten notices, even if she assumed the co-pays, uncovered amounts and deductibles. Then, the part with Shelly was unhinged. Did OP start doing 'shrooms whilst editing? I'll wager 8:5 he was. Too bad to score, but I gave it a 2 for ruining a decent story. It should've ended at the logical stopping point.
My problem with this story is that none of the characters is likeable. So I ended up not really caring what would happen to any of them...