All Comments on 'Aloha Means Hello AND Goodbye...'

all Right!!! BTB!!

Perfect

But I gave you 4*. You should get someone to edit story.

No ice in paradise,,,,Coals to Newcastle,,,,Drugs to Kona.....oh well to each their own, TK U MLJ LV NV

For the read.

Why is it that the women with the happiest lives and the best husbands fuck around and when they are caught they say they love only you. He was just a fling. You know which women do that? Fucking cunts. Great revenge on the cheaters. Five Stars

Good its a revenge story BUT it still needs a hell of a lot of editing.

. . . is no excuse.

A spell checker is NOT an editor.

Spell checkers will NOT catch errors in word usage, only spelling errors.

Just one example of many, you said "He has been arrested to...."

The correct word is "too", not "to"

A funny one is where you said " I took a deep breath to clam myself"

I assume you meant "calm" not "clam." ))))

All the errors are a distraction.

And distractions take the reader out of the make believe story life.

But again, thank you for the story.

It was good not to over the top.

I liked it because it was plausible. While somewhat risky, everything the main character did was possible for an average guy. This helped the plot. What was lacking was tension. There was a lack of drama which is great in real life but not so great in a story. The dramatic points in this tale were her cheating and risking her marriage, his decision about whether to try to save his marriage or dump her, and his getting revenge while risking jail time himself. In this case points 1 and 2 were quickly thrown out and we were left with 3. 3 wasn't all that dramatic because while his revenge was harsh, even if he was caught he had taken an action to avenge himself, thereby overcoming his victim status. In these terrible tales, the horrible dramatic points are - is she really cheating on him? Is the marriage dead or does he want her back? One thing that always bothers me is when a couple has been married for more than a few years and they do not have kids. The normal progression is to have kids in less than 5 years after getting married. Otherwise, what's the point in being married to have a roommate that you can fuck? Why wouldn't the relationship disintegrate? Two people alone and fucking for 12 years (in this case) is just so interesting. After a while it gets old. How many times can you fuck the same woman in every possible position before nothing is new? Sex is not enough. You need to grow up and have a family.

but nicely done, especially considering the author is pretty much a newbie.

I personally enjoy the interaction between the cheater and the cheated upon, this story did not have much of that, so it is not one of my favourites. But good effort by a new author in terms of what the author had in mind.

Almost funny how you hit every item on the BTB story checklist. I would suggest in the future you write the story from your imagination as you see it happening and only then consult the checklist to see if you should work any forgotten device in.

It is a fact of life that at some point almost all writers can no longer find mistakes in their work. That can only be done by someone else. Find a good editor and you'll be getting 5 stars all the time if you can create more stories like this one.

Too harsh in my modest opinion. The problem with BTB stories, they are unreal. Revenge is only good if the recipient of the revenge do know who delivered it and why. She did learn the consequences of her cheating, but put the blame elsewhere and became an unjust victim. His refusal to give her peace shows that he is a petty man with little self esteem. In my opinion he became a looser in a big way. He has no reason to be proud of himself.

Great little story and hubby's method of getting payback was plausible without needing navy seals, ninjas or rocket scientists.

@Anon

Don't forget about Ohio with hubby thanking the bullshit marriage counselor as well lol. For a author with such a hard on for RAAC stories and taking cheaters back, you would think he would be able to write something semi believable by now.

always keep in the back of your mind, dead cheating wives tell no lies

Yes, many awkward errors.

Several times using "in to" for "into", "strait" for "straight", "to" for "too".

"keep this information about who gave it to you got it a secret." should be either:

"keep this information about who gave it to you a secret." or

"keep this information about how you got it a secret."

"we did married" should be either "we did marry" or "we did get married".

There are more, but you get the point!

So your wife cheated, just divorce her ass and post all those videos send them to her office and family. That should be enough damage, there were no children so you make a clean break. But to send someone to prison for this is so sick. The burn the bitch crowd should love this ending.

That's OK, it's your story. Please get an editor, or spend more time proofreading - you need to watch the use of you/your, where/were, strait/straight, to/too, calm/clam and likely some others I have missed or forgotten... that aside, "I love it when a plan comes together," as Hannibal Smith used to say.

...but after reading that I feel like I have synapses misfiring all through my head.

I am glad you are writing and sharing, MT, it IS a brave thing to do, but if you want to write, please DO find a good editor... one who may help point out some story-writing basics, and if you really want to contribute, maybe do some further research on story structure and layout.

A first pointer: Don't jump from one subject matter to another totally unrelated subject matter in the very next sentence.

There are other errors in here, but I don't want to smash you with them.

I am trying to be constructive in my criticism, I hope you take it that way.

I still read your story to the end, and was satisfied that all deserving parties were summarily punished.

Considering that I have read some VERY WELL WRITTEN stories on here that I could not finish, hopefully you will learn, grow, and keep contributing.

...as long as you don't write about a wimpy cuck

You write another story with out finishing your past work , leaving those of us who read it hanging. Don't do anything stupid needs to be finished , this is not hard to do. Just post a part 2.. Thank you if you do this..

5 stars for a good effort but needs editing. Always glad to see a BTB story that is somewhat plausible and very glad the male character did not take the skank back. She deserved to feel the consequences for a long, long time.

As some here have said, looks like you could use a good editor.

Keep it going.

Thx!

Well written with good plot development. Thanks.

First, I loved it. Great BTB done right.

But like quite a few others have said, get yourself a good editor. If you can't find one or don't want one, I suggest either running your tale through Microsoft Word's Spelling and Syntax checkers, at the very least. If you don't have, or can't afford Word 2010, Apache Open Office is a viable, and FREE alternative with the exact same functions as Microsoft Office 2010. Hope that helps. :)

5 HUGE Stars, and keep 'em coming!

Pretty well done too. Needs some editing help, but a good effort.

I find the fact that your protagonist goes from loving husband to a hateful son of a bitch without an iota of remorse, heartache, and all of those things that need to evolve between zero and sixty implausible. Your story had a solid premise. More fleshing out with regard to the relationship and characters would have made them more human. Thanks for writing the story. I read it all the way through. I think you should write more and hopefully take any criticism you get as a gift from a stranger who cared enough to give it. Just my humble opinion.

Adultery deserves punishment, but prison? Overkill.

If she was hiding this trip to Hawaii, why would she pack four days prior? He was scheduled to leave 24 hours earlier. That's where it falls a part for me. After that, it becomes all fiction.

Steve 'thru' parties? That's the one that made me laugh out loud.

Dude, your writing is so bad, it's a distraction from what might have been a decent story.

You're on my automatic ignore list. I'll check back in six months or so, see if anything's changed.

You have a good story here, but your writing needs to be checked...

"I stayed in my office for over an OUR"

"the epic parties Steve THRU"

BTB BRIGADES

with this and many similar stories one wonders:

why would anyone want to write it and someone else duplicate it

and duplicate it and so on?

there must be an urge served, i guess.

In addition to the other suggestions, Personally I would limit the physical descriptions of the characters, unless they are important to the plot of the story. The commenter who said you were short on drama is right. You needed to tell us more about the six month of them fucking. The emails are a nice device for that, but you didn't use them. Presumably there would have been comments to tell him the motive for the affair.

Then after her arrest, we get to hear her story, and also hear him point out her lies one by one. The Jail conversation would have been better if he called her on several points on her story, told her to get it straight for his visit next week. He could postpone the visit a week of two to further fuck with her mind.

If the drugs were found in Hawaii, think how much better to be arrested so far from home!

Oh well, next time.

Lastly you tell us briefly how he felt, but don't show us how he felt.

Nice setup. Drugs are easily available. Easy to plant. I agree with the criticism that contacting the TSA is pretty risky but I'll bet there are anonymous tip lines that would have done the job.

As to whether she needed to know that HE set her up for the revenge to be effective, I'm not sure I agree with that. I think the person that executes the revenge certainly needs to see the target suffer. Some stories describe the revenge setup and execution but then the target drops out of the story. No one gets to see them suffer, which was the whole point of getting revenge. We and Hank all got to see Kathy suffer. Although Kathy doesn't know it was Hank that set her up for the drugs, she clearly understands that he knew about the cheating and divorced her for it. Keeping her in the dark is more effective. She thinks Gary planted the drugs. If she knew Hank did it, she would feel furious and justified in cheating on him since he was an SOB anyway. Now she thinks Hank is a good guy who was wronged by her. She feels really bad about it. She is carrying all this angst because she doesn't know the truth. She can't let go and her suffering is increased. A lifetime of revenge indeed.

I thought it was funny in the final confrontation that SHE seems concerned about the drug issue, not the cheating. HE is obviously more disturbed that she cheated on him. He never even mentions the drug charges, repeatedly telling her it was the cheating. She defends herself about the drug charges twice and says "I love you", like that will fix it all. She still doesn't get it.

Yup, editing. Straight not strait, etc. Such errors are like potholes in a road, jarring an otherwise smooth ride.

Actually, "aloha" means "love," which seems to be in short supply...

Easy to slam someone for errors in English... I am not perfect in my writing eather.

The whole BTB genre is a mystery to me. I can't really figure out the appeal of torturing someone for life for a relationship failure. But fiction is full of some really horrific deeds by the likes of Shakespeare, Stephen King (not that they are comparable) and many more. So it isn't the subject matter that is the problem.

The problem and the mystery is why the BTB stories on this site have to be so universally dull and unimaginative. Cardboard cutout characters, inane formulaic "plots" and a chorus of Anonymous peasants right out of Monty Python's Holy Grail screaming, "She's a witch!" There are 30-40 right here in the Comments section.

Ok, you've written a couple of stories and showed that you have some ability to write. Use it to write something worth reading. Write something that has all the BTB idiots screaming at YOU...if you dare.

Thanks for sharing.

... says rjordan, the guy with a long list of cuckold authors in his Favorites. I'd say that you would have to feel the bone deep pain of betrayal to understand, but you'd probably just get off on it. So I won't bother. If you don't like BTB, don't read it. I stopped reading cuckold/sharing/swinging/swapping tales when I figured out that the hubbies in those tales were just slaves to their fetishes, and were never going to grow a pair. Do yourself a favor and do the same with BTB. It's a win/win situation.

Let us review: Sweetie is in a rush, but she has time to check her e-mail (mainly about a tryst some time in the future!) But ... she does NOT have time to close her email program (maybe 3 seconds) OR hit the 'Shut Down' icon (another 3 sec!) Does NOT have to wait through the actual shut-down.

Dumb-Ass Bull has put a compromising title on his note! Hubby is clearly a Master Sleuth. Then Hubby puts together a masterpiece revenge plan! Destroy two people's lives because Sweetie is no longer sure enough about her partner choice. Dump her ass, punch out Lothario, hide some money ... OK! Hubby made an unwise marital choice, now he has to resolve that. NO children involved! Maybe add a bit of overkill, OK! Five and Fifteen years in prison, plus Ex-Felon status until death. Surely that is commensurate punishment for Hubby's inconvenience!

I especially liked it when Hubby reminded himself to remain CLAM! By then, it was clear that the author never re-read his own magnus-opus! I should be so lucky!

2.5 = 3* by the hair of its chinny-chin chin!

Just guessing that Hubby's 'Auld College Buddy' never got invited to the great party! Personally, I'd rather have the 'several thousand' bucks (Will not show up in the divorce analysis of fiscal resources?)

Or maybe JUST keep the drugs to have a nice 'uncoupling party' after a regular divorce! Maybe invite Sweetie, but NOT Her Bull!

I kinds liked the story and I appreciate your trying to be better. Keep writing. The only way to write well is to keep chugging away at it.

I want you , and everyone , to read the comments written by Sugna. This is perhaps one of the best comments I have seen someone write here.

He points out points in the storyline that need to be addressed. Also, as someone else commented, errors take the reader out of YOUR world and back into the REAL world which is counterproductive to your writing.

It was plausible. And I liked that. The hero wasn't a former SEAL/Martial Arts Master/Surveillance/Spec Ops. He was just a guy. Because of that, you needed to build up conflict. Conflict is a core to good writing. Without is, what is the story? She/He cheats, gets discovered, BTB or Cuckolds him/herself. Build the conflict. Will he forgive? Is she really cheating? How will he handle this new knowledge? Does his chewing gum lose it's flavor on the bedpost over night?

Please, write again and just reread and not just spell check your submission. I see some ability so please don't give up.

I see too much of submissions from people I wish would give up. LOL!

Some folks to check out are HardDaysKnight (HDK), Reinquist, StangStar07 (sic), Ohio, and a lot of others. I really get a kick out of FinishtheDamnStory's submissions. :)

Cheers

C

Don't give up your day job. Writing is not going to earn you a living. This story is shot full of spelling errors, bad grammar, homophones and almost every other kind of mistake you can name. It was so off-putting to read that I had a hard time remembering that there was supposed to be a plot.

Poorly edited - that's been mentioned twenty or thirty times

Why was the wife having an affair? I suggest it was because the narrator is a pompous, self-satisfied sort of guy who know what is best for everyone, all the time

The glaring mistake in the search and seizure of the drugs has been pointed out. The feds might not have let her walk, but hard time - no way.

Our hero would have complained about the amount of family money that went to defense counsel - especially when he walked her out of the courtroom.

And our hero forgets the basic truth: is a divorce going to make his life better? He reaches the affirmative conclusion based on one series of adulteries. Nothing else about the wife - her social skills, her money management abilities, housekeeping - our bozo is likely to find that there is more in a good wife than the ability to keep her knees together

but you could use a proof-reader.

Big plot holes.

But the people who feel that she paid too high a price for a little fun certainly do not know the meaning of being devastated.

Now every time I read a BTB story I wonder if it is for real or a satire!

did you have to make the "hero" such an asshole. over the top revenge stories are not entertaining. By the end I disliked him more than her.

I cannot recall reading "Literotica" stories where an author professed to be a professional writer, so don't worry about the jabs. You'll do better with time if you keep writing and submitting. I enjoyed your story. It's not too difficult to read around sentence structure and spelling errors should the story line be interesting. Cheers!

not a good story. the plot is shit. to many little egos. cheating is shit but with you and other bashers we would have no overpopulation anywhere. treating her like shit after prison time was even worse. and your major problem is this should be an erotic story page and not how to kill somebody because of a character flaw.

2 stars fro trying

Terrible lack of emotion. This was a synopsis,NOT a story.

After 12 years of marriage. A person doesn't go to work after getting one of the largest shocks in your life. How does he feel the first time with his wife after the discovery?? Who knows. Not much, apparently. On and on.

I'm not even talking about the technical english errors.

Keeping this 2 pages long really inhibits your story. Your first story, in LW, was better.

It was 4 pages long.

Anyway, better luck next time.

AMerryMan

Great story, better than perfect ending. It was easy to figure what you were planning, but the end was great. Anyone who has ever been cheated on has had the same feelings, you just made them look possible. BRAVO

First off, you don't say what kind of drugs you planted on your wife & Gary. Most first time druggies get probation & counseling as a sentence. So, basically the punishment doesn't fit the crime. Second, committing a B & E (breaking & entering) on Gary's house is a crime- an unnecessary risk! You had to drive with the drugs in your possession (risking getting stopped) and B & E Gary's house (risk getting caught) to hide the drugs. Finally, if you think the Detective wouldn't talk to the TSA guy and force the TSA guy to reveal his friend, you're crazy. Your friend would lead the Detective right to your doorstep.

Five years being Big Shaniqua's plaything for a young attractive married employed first time offender. What the heck did he hide in the luggage a meth lab? Despite that a four star effort.

Implausible drivel. Apparently, Hubby is so cold-hearted, he will meticulously plan Wifey's downfall without demonstrating the suffering of a normal loving and devoted Hubby who has been wronged. Nope, instead he exhibits a robotic lack of emotion and decides to get revenge via hard drugs!?

He avoided using electronic means to purchase his tools of vengeance but proceeds to undo his fastidious efforts by ordering the lock picking equipment via the net; any drug investigation would be thorough enough to spot this circumstantial piece of evidence which would unwittingly make him a suspect. Let's not forget Romeo would claim the drugs were planted and the investigators would be inclined to put two and two together...

Wifey comes about as a dimwit considering she managed to hoodwink her hapless Hubby for six months. She'd acknowledge her guilt by putting one over Hubby dearest but she'd argue her ass off by claiming she had nothing to do with the drugs because she KNOWS she's innocent. In other words, she'd be more vociferous in placing the blame on Romeo whilst putting less emphasis on saving her marriage which she'd accept as a lost cause.

As is the case with all typical 'soulless revenge pulp', the wronged Hubby who does not show any emotion to justify his vengeful ambitions, miraculously lives to be "successful" while the cheaters suffer overly-harsh punishments (5-10 years of jail time over six months of cheating???).

Such ridiculous tales are seldom enjoyable because they focus on the erection-driven fantasies of BTB fanatics.

Why do these scorned husbands proceed to fuck their slut wives for last time's sake? I mean, they'd surely be emotionally wounded to avoid the wanton cunts. Even after a passionless fuck session, a wife would notice her husband's uncharacteristic nature which in turn would make her wary of her duplicitous lifestyle.

I read two prison usage stories for drug earlier. Both stories showed a betrayed husbands, who used the drug for getting the children custody after the divorce.

The ex husbands got the children custody because the prison past mothers are not role models at the divorce judges!

1. itemgr2010's story "Black & Tan Blues"

2. The other stories had an interesting detail. The PI friend of the husband gave the drug in double sacks to avoid the DNA traces! (Unfortunatally I forgot the Author and title).

I don't mind BTB, but in my mind it is about exposing the lying skank to her friends and relatives. Maybe diminishing her share of community property. Infidelity is treachery and a betrayal of trust, not to mention a total lack of respect for one's spouse. However, lying or setting up a false imprisonment is worse to my way of thinking. In this story there is no character with which I can identify.

I would never tell you how to write your stories, but you might think about the people who read them. Readers like to identify and live vicariously through your characters. I did appreciate the lack of descriptive sex. Many of these stories would be even better without sex and some need it to further the understanding of the emotions involved.

You are good at what you do, I look forward to more of your work.

@ hansbwl (A little Revengeology!) I think it is good the revenge, when the "victims" of Cruel or Modern Figaro Type Revenges do not know who organized the Revenge. However the Authors should use the Romantic Revenge in such case. The ex husband should be written with new better, nicer wife and with two (DNA test proof) kids, when the the ex wife is leaving the prison............and she knew her ex is happier!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think he should have told her he planted the drugs, when she came sniveling back to the office. Nobody would believe her, and just let her try and prove it 5 years later.

I do like a happy endings !

A good read.

He did what had to be done.

Don`t you just love it when a plan comes together-----A-Team

That was terrible.

I'm a BTB fan, but this just went flat right away. The revenge is like an amalgam of a lot of the other stories, lacking even a hint of creative thought. Lazy is in the writing. An example is the start of the interrogation of the husband. You list in quotes a bunch of questions by the cop, then a bunch of answers of the husband. This would happen one question at a time, but that would have been harder to do, even if it would have been better writing. Lazy.

Can't characters simply divorce without the added illegality? Not only does this husband frame his ex-wife and her lover for drug possession and intent to distribute, but even after she serves an unjust sentence, he still feels the need to humiliate her further.

This husband did something much worse than his wife and I cannot overlook it merely because I find infidelity repugnant.

Think trough the logic of your plot twists in order to help your readers accept and enjoy your creativity. Her father did not know of the divorce for about a year--you mean he never tried to speak to his son-in-law during that time? Did the defense attorney try to suppress the evidence by attacking the TSA's tip? If so, they would have tracked it back to hubby. So, why did he not give an anonymous tip or some other untraceable one? Was he really so angry that he could live with sending his former wife to prison for many years and to leaving her with a permanent felony record? His morality here is relevant. Overall, your story was fine, though,even with the extreme revenge. But take your time with your next one to think it through.

Kathy got what she deserved, and her lover too, especially. He probably has a "girl friend" now in prison. A good plan and a good ending. I like the comment above of George Peppard's line in The A-Team, "I love it when a plan comes together."

The first part was edited okay, but the mistakes were in the last half that needed to be edited. So I gave 4 stars.

How does it feel to be a wimp suck up sellout?

Writers don't write for whiny ass white trash losers.

The write the truth for themselves.

The very first time that you write the very first word to please one of these sleaze bags, you permanently destroy your integrity.

Including me. Maybe the storie was a little week in some aspects,, but the it entertained me and the good guy won. His punishment seemed a little over the top but no one can say she and her boyfriend didnt' have it coming. If you have people interested enough to finish reading the story and get emotional responses then you are probably on the right track.

Hank comes across as a total douche, sending his wife to jail because she has a mere fling. What a conceited little wanker. The story grossed me out. I guess porn comes in all twists and shapes, including petulant revenge fantasies.

and,

you said at the beginning you accepted the suggestions of critics from another of your stories that you needed to do a better job of editing. well, it is time to acknowledge you can't do it by yourself and have someone else help you.

This was a very good read....I look forward to more

I can see many readers do not understand the meat of the Revenge stories.

The Revenge stories are the MONUMENTS OF THE MUTUALITY.

1. First it all, the majority of the Revenge stories are fantasy stories, so not every betrayed husband plan to send his soon to be wife to prison in the REAL LIFE. But one of the Modern Figaro type revenges is the sending the cheating spouse or the lover boy(s)/mistress to prison when they are inocents.

2. We (revenge story fans) are not sanctimonus pricks, but the SUPPORTERS OF THE MUTUALITY. The cheating is a etical negativity and the simple divorce for a cheating is nothing and ONLY NEUTRAL ETICAL ANSWER!!!! The revenge answer may be NEGATIVE ETICAL ANSWER TOO!!!! Yes to send somebody to prison, when he/she is inocent that is NEGATIVE ETICAL ANSWER for the negative etical thing, BUT MUTUAL ANSWER!!!!

3. When somebody cheats in a marriage he/she loses his/her human right for fair human connection treatment. Such revenge stories, where the betrayed spouse uses such tricks wich is not detectable from the Police may be negative but it is enjoyable for us (not sanctimonus) revenge story fans!

4.Does every Revenge Story shows NEGATIVE ETICAL ANSWER??? Not, the Romantic Revenge is such type revenge which is not negative etical answer, but POSITIVE ETICAL ANSWER to the cheating!

Examples: Vulcez "How Are You" Stangstar06 "Love For Suckers".

Yes it does not matter the answer positive eticaly or negative eticaly for the cheating, but let the answer be enjoyable for us revenge story fans!

Don't start criticizing others for their comments you sanctimonious twit.

Once more If a spouse cheats he or she lose his her right that the betrayed spouse treat him or her in fair method.

To fight for the children custody, to hide common assets before the divorce and as in many stories to send him/her to prison when he or she are inocent!

We (revenge story fans) are not sanctimonous, becouse WE ENJOY WHE CHEATERS GO TO PRISON, WHEN THEY ARE INOCENTS!

We (revenge story fans) are not sanctimonous, becouse WE ENJOY WHEN CHEATERS GO TO PRISON, WHEN THEY ARE INOCENTS in fantasy stories!

A sanctimonous does not like, when inocent goes to prison!!!!!!!!!!! We like.

Thanks for the story. I love a cheating wife story, especially if there is some justice at the end. Keep on writing, I will read them>

Thanks for spreading some talent amongst the WACC crap that has been dumped in LW lately

Her infidelity does not warrant several years in prison and being made a felon you cretin.

I thoroughly enjoyed this story, and to the "anonymous" commenter below, calling the writer a cretin for a FICTIONAL story that they wrote is so asinine that I can't even comment without shaking my head in disbelief.

Weak story.The biggest problem is for the amount of drugs he bought and planted (<2k dollars) they wouldn't be talking felony level,and certaintly not intent to sell.To tje DEA and the cops this would be minor league.More importantly,they would investigate Gary and not find any signs of his suppliers...they would get misdemeanor charges at most,she might even get off if they think.Gary planted the,stuff.There would still be the embarrssment of getting busted with the boyfriend.Her having her bags packed is a problem,too,but he could have planted drugs in all her bags and maintain plausability.

The biggest hole to me is he never really confronts Kathy about the cheating.When she says it meant nothing ,he could have told her the investigators showed she had been w gary for 6 months and had taken other trips before....he never does,which most husbands or wives would do.He would want her to know he knew she was lying,to know the hurt.The other weakness is Kathy never really comes off as real,she is a cardboard cutout of a cheating slut,not teal.

who fucking cares what you think?

It's his story, NOT yours.

Your so called hero is just an EVIL CUNT!!!!!

He he. Really, you need an editor.

There are two types of editors, one who critiques the story and another who does the language bit. You need both.

You mention covering your tracks so many times I wanted him to get caught.

Also, don't write about what you don't know. He made so many errors any decent law enforcement investigator would have caught him.

Since you didn't bother to give us details, I can only surmise that he put small amounts of drugs in his wife's luggage. She certainly would have been arrested but it is doubtful she'd still be in when he got back. That's our legal system.

Planting drugs seems to be the revenge of choice lately. It's getting pretty trite. They'd have done a drug screen and found her clean. Ditto for 'Gary'. Something seems rotten in Denmark. They check for finger prints, none are found (oh, you forgot that, his would have been!)

Let's see: Two people who don't take drugs are caught cheating, with drugs. They pass tests. Hum, who would do this? To wife: How did you communicate? Email. Could hubby ever have seen them? I hope not. Did he act differently? Well, the last night he raped me ... God, give me a break!

They check the bank statements, where did those thousands $$$ go? To wife, "Did husband ever have druggie friends? "well, ..." Way too dangerous and stupid to boot.

Many of the BTB love any story where the wife gets hers. I do too, when it's well written and plausible. This was neither.

This could have been very effective with the title. He says "Aloha" to her when she leaves. When she returns he's at the gate and 'catches' them, saying 'Aloha'.

Lots of ways to work that in, with good angst to boot.

"Now she never went to trail as the evidence was so overwhelming that her lawyer said she couldn't win"

eh, it's trial, not trail.

No attorney would ever say that, there is always a chance in trail, I mean trial. A reasonable and realistic plea bargain would see her have a suspended sentence.

Jane Austin told her niece never to write about what she did not know. If you want to incorporate something in your story, google it! Ask an attorney. Try to buy a 'throw away' phone. Check it out so we don't check out of your story. You have promise, work at it and listen to your critics.

Regards,

ttom

Thanks for the offering

This story is the absolute pits. So the husband criminally frames false evidence on the two of them & lands both in jail under false pretences, and he is supposed to be a hero!! All because his fragile little ego couldn't the fact his wife wanted to play a bit, while he was away on business? (No doubt he would have done plenty previous) FUCK ME! I would love to read a sequel by someone like "Finish The Damn Story" where Gary & Kathy find out the truth and pay the jerk back big time. That's another thing - it's only HER lies in the story - Not His!! FFFFUUCCKK!!! Godawful and disgusting.

awwww poor widdle Kenny thinks all men should let their wives cheat around on them becuz he aint man enough for the woman he calls his wife......

I almost feel sorry for you but I dont. ^^

Gary must HAVE what?

Widdle Kenny wuvs cuckold wimp stories. He is in his didy now watching his wifey poo getting fucked by a real man.

Most of her, I mean his favorites are wimpass. Just like real life ay baby Kenny wenny?

Glad you are a father in name only and not the sperm donor for your wife's children.

Oh great story!!!!! Poor widdle Kenny.

Side from the "one line sex scene", this was just about his vengeance.

Should this story not be in Non-erotic?

I like a good revenge story now and then, just as much as a good cuckold/cuckquean. Done correctly there's a place in LW for them.

@ Ken Phillips (a little explanation)

200 years ago the husband found his wife with strange man, the husband got mad and he killed his wife and her loverboy at the site. The jury at the court SAID THE HUSBAND WAS NOT GUILTY. He remarried 2 years later. The members of the jury told each other we would have done same to save our honor!!!!!

Now the husband get10-20-25 years prison punishment depends on the countries in the Western Culture!

The Revenge story a fantasy story to look for such solutions which avoid the possibilty for prison and help the betrayed spouses find to get EVEN!!!!

Naturally whose is the sexual orientation the wife's extramarital sex those readers should avoid to read revenge stories.............

You wrote comment to my republished Revenge story "Different Gyms Do Train The Body!" in Fetish hub. If the wife with her witness the loverboy 18 years old just graduate Rob had gone to the court, she had lost her teaching licence in the all USA!

The husband did not kill anybody in my story!

Story was fun?? There were still a few spelling errors or grammaticals but they did not ruin the story. Aside from some of the childish critic remarks I thought the story line was ok. It was clearly a story of revenge and not your average guy revenge. I am also thinking maybe the cops were asleep as only the DEA appeared interested. But it is your story, I found it interesting.

I liked it. If this is only your second attempt at this type of story, you have a bright future. It was good. You also have the gift of brevity, something I can't seem to master. Anyway, good story. I'm looking forward to your next one.

Husband had a problem and solved it. Both cheaters will pay forever.

The innocent taxpayers have to pay megabucks...

Loved it. BTB with class

You got a comment from angiesophie. I thought she was dead!

I gave you a five and here's why.

The lack of sufficient editing aside it still read well, I think sometimes we all get in a hurry to finish and put something up. Go a little slower next time.

Second you stayed on task; something I find very hard to do. Stang commented on that as well.

Third, yeah it's an old story, but you did as well as anybody and better than most.

I'm one of the wimp pussy wuss writers. I thought you were way too harsh on the poor dumb broad, but your protagonist was a consistently cold blooded bastard from paragraph one. The poor dumb broad should have known that if she got caught her husband would extract a mean revenge.

Think about it this way. Your guy wasn't tooling around in some overpriced over the hill muscle car. You didn't say he had a tiny pecker. He wasn't disappointed that there wouldn't be anymore cream pies to munch on He didn't apologize to his errant wife for being a failure, and you did finish the story,

Next time try putting the guy in a situation where he can't retaliate.

A bit OTT