All Comments on 'A Gift From His Father Ch. 17'

Love it! Don't make us wait so long next time!

I like this story A LOT!

Please don't keep us waiting too long for the next chapter!

Addition to the story line now as to the other Rings. when will they make them selves known and can more then one Ring be controlled by one individual.

Will Rachel decide to remain a BIMBO? Will Candace leave nursing? Can't wait to find out.

Thank you for the list of characters. It is really useful.

Have enjoyed the story and hope you continue but please, please find a proof reader. The grammar is atrocious. Every paragraph in all 17 chapters has several errors which makes it difficult to read.

oh please chapters need to find out if there is going to be more battles for the rest of the rings

#youneedtocontinue

Story is very good, but you need geographic lessons. Mountain View aint got no "open" space and Modesto is about 2 hours from Mountain View, on a clear night and everyone is asleep otherwise about 3 hours. Mountain on south end of the Bay peninsula, next door to Santa Clara and San Jose. Traffic like LA.

Great story with its twists and turns. You are a gifted story teller. Keep the story going as long as you can maintain it at this level.

That's what makes it so frustrating to read your work. I want to read it as quickly as I can to learn where the story is going but keep running into brick walls that stop me because I have to figure out what it was that you really meant to say. Sometimes I have to reread the previous sentence or even paragraph to do so.

This detracts from the experience since at times it feels like a real chore which reading for pleasure should never be.

Also, a minor point but there was a little too much repetition of the plot and character's background in this chapter especially in light of the much appreciated Dramatis Personæ given at the end.

I don't want you to discouraged by the negative comments about your grammar and word usage but if you take steps (an editor or English composition course) to correct them you'll stop the comments and make your readers' experience much more pleasant.

More Please!!! :-)

When may we get new chapters.

Please Please proof read your work. I did enjoy the read look forward to more

That was awesome...... but only draw back is you take awfully long time to post the next installment. people are waiting for your posting with dick in their hands... buck up

Gifted writer. Very interning story line. Like to read much more, a novel even

I have just posted the Chapter 18. I had a few personal issues to resolve that interfered with the creative process. I hope you enjoy. It will likely post in the next few days.

very engaging tale you have going here. although very long, i cant imagine where you might shorten it. also you have created so many splinters that, in my opinion, you could keep these threads alive for 50 or more chapters...i too have noticed the spelling,language errors but i don't think that they have detracted from the story as a whole. but then again, i'm not a spelling or language nazi...

His cock must be very long or he is a contortionist.

I am just now reading everything in order since I just found your story. Now to the topic: The Bank President (vice president, which ever) Mike Adams. I do not recall that particular thread being wrapped up and Adams being fired, or what ever was done. I have read everything up to this point in just a couple of days. It is possible that I missed it, but I don't remember it. I only mention Adams, because, he was listed in you players roundup at the end of the chapter, and I occasionally wonder when you will return to finish that thread.

Now to pile on a bit. :( Looking at the posting time line, you have had nearly two years writing this awesome story. I have seen some small improvements in the spelling and grammar. Please (if you haven't already) get some editing help, you have had many offers. If you have some, you may wish to find either a different editor, or more editors. They are not catching as much as they should. I hope to see more polish with this great story in the future.

I am not too concerned with how fast you post new chapters in your story. I understand that ideas and writing takes time. I am reading another series that gets a new chapter about once a month that is about 15 pages. lol She has a LOT of editing help and I rarely stumble across grammatical errors.

Love the story, keep it up. :D

during fight with Chance, John has buried him under a partially collapsed house.

Instead of leaving him there John goes and digs him out giving Chance another opportunity to win the fight.

Despite Elizabeth's belated explanation of what went down on the island, it is inexscusable that she did not fully brief John ahead of time and deliberately let him walk into a trap where he could have been killed. This, in itself, is a betrayal of

Master and a huge gap in the logic of the story -- then John is portrayed as being too dumb to see it.

You list the bank teller in your character sheet but you haven't shown him getting his justice yet.

Continues with many tenses' problems, many wrong or misspelled words, ... a good English-speaking proofreader and a story editor (for continuity and to keep 'dumb' errors to a minimum) might be a good idea, as this tale is growing, ... still liking this story, and daydreaming about what I might do with such power, before I was then trapped inside the ring's limbo space (oopsy). Very creative! ;-) TTFN