All Comments on 'There Must Be a Mistake Ch. 02'

socially inept multi billionaire, finds himself raising a 16 yo niece.

she proves to be a super genius who can analyze and interpret data so sensitive it is for an agency that is within an agency that doesn't exist.

hmmmm. let's upgrade to super size while saving the world from intergalactic villains.

Surprised at only one comment. Great character development.

where is chapter 1?

Where is Chapter 1?

I still can't begin to read comfortably not knowing if I've missed some important part in Chapter 1 that is integral to the story. So what's the reason for the omission?

Apparently ch01 has been taken down by moderators, can the author please re-upload them?

http://www.i.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=872472&page=7

What happened to chapter One?

Appreciate the effort but its getting boring, repetitive quips, and cloying sentiments. I lover her, I'm going to kill her, she's God's gift, she's Satan himself. You can milk a cow, but a punch line not so much. I will start jumping past the lame dialogue to see if there is anything of interest. Go for quality over quantity.

What's Tony the tiger say? "GREAT"!!! Fantabulous! Cripes I've only read two chapters and I love it! It is hilarious emotional and driving Rod ballistic. Cheers!

i am almost laughing out loud.

i think there could be a movie or tv series here.

they would not need a script writer. what is here would do nicely.

This is turning into one if the best stories I have ever read, both on here and in print. I just love the sarcasm, the wit and the interplay between the 3 main characters. It is a real joy to read. And there still another 18 chapters to go.

Can it get any better, on to chapter 3 to find out !

Ignore criticism from idiots who read fiction and think it is real life. Keep up the good work, it's a great belly laugh. GD

Logically, I don't think you can keep this madcap story going, but I'm hoping with all my heart that you can.

I have been laughing for two hours. Damn this is great! I need to pace my self or I WILL croak by the time I get to the end of whole novel.

One if the best stories I have ever read.

I kept getting frustrated as I read these first two chapters!

How could the author keep making such huge grammar and spelling mistakes! How could he not use an editor to correct his mistakes?

THEN I REALIZED ... THESE WERE WELL PLANNED AND EXECUTED PARTS OF THE STORY!

HE knew how captivating his story telling and writing is. HE makes sure WE pay attention by having US make mental corrections so WE stay under his control and keep the plot going!

An old saying I heard years ago went THOSE THAT CAN DO. THOSE THAT CAN'T TEACH! I believe THOSE THAT CAN WRITE. THOSE THAT CAN'T READ!

He just educated us...well me for sure...in another way to keep me the reader involved in the story.

THANK YOU

Can't wait to see where you take these characters, what a unique tale!

One minor kvetch: You use 'photographic memory' quite a bit, yet Delicious remembers conversations and more than likely complex procedures (as evidenced by her use of advanced math and chemistry) which makes her memory eidetic... Sorry to pick, just trying to help the super smart people sound super smart ;)

Jason

I am just so sick and tired of the endless "clever banter" between the characters. I tried skipping whole swathes of it to see if there was an actual story but only found faint glimpses of one.

Please get someone to help you with the grammar. The errors detract from a good story.

The endless banter is hard to wade through. Just when the story looks like it is having more meat hung on the skeleton we have to wade through what seems like endless juvenile banter.

don't be so judgmental. this is just a fun little story. everything doesn't have to be the next to kill a mockingbird or gone with the wind. relax and enjoy.

It's like a slapstick comedy skit turned into a three hour movie.

There were hints of real characters, but I just didn't see enough of them before the constant back and forth between the character's facades wore me out. At this rate, even if we do finally get to meet the characters behind the masks they're wearing it'll be five chapters after I want to kill all of them because I'm sick of reading about them joking about it.

Rod is probably the worst. In his shoes I'd skip the vasectomy, take up masturbation, set up trust funds for the kids and start hiding the rest of the money so I'd have something after the divorce.

at the line, "I chanced a look at Delicious, and I swear her jaw unhinge, like a snake." Hilarious! I can visualize the movement of her face as her jaw gapes like a smilodon. Great line - thanks for the laugh!

I see it as just a wonderful story. Keep on - Keep on.

Old Marine Vet - Ron wood

It's shitty for Rosalynn to make Ron pay for her choices. She's the Catholic one and are already bending the rules. Rules are to be kept or rewritten. Bending, breaking, or ignoring rules is a sign of hypocracy. How can she expect her husband to get a vasectomy when she won't go on the pill or getting her tubes tied? He's carrying the financial part as promised so that she can worship as she pleases even with her womb.

Why are a 16 year old deciding what a couple aught to work out between them self. So he's letting his wife taking both the day and night shift. I'd do the same if my spouse chose a religion than dictated that we would have that many children regardless of my wishes (however they may be). My guess is that he can afford a nanny along with vacations/privacy for her. Where is her praise for having a man that keeps her out of poverty while letting her practise brood marring.

... Too Long!

This is great! I love it! There's plenty of two-page strokers on this site; it's refreshing to read something with a plot and some substance. Thanks, PD! Another 5 stars!

This story has great potential.

My only complaint is the huge number of very minor errors that a half decent editor would have corrected. Never bother proofing your own writing, you are unlikely to see your mistakes.

There are plenty of people on this site who would gladly proof read your stories.

Good luck with your writing.

The clever repartee reveals the author’s talent for comedic dialog, but too much of a good thing is still too much. Was almost expecting to the characters to launch into an Abbott and Costello “who’s on first?” routine. That said, it’s a 5-plus star story, well worth the read—the imperative for a fastidious editor notwithstanding.

Almost the entire story so far has been an endless tirade of inane, sniping dialogue with no break and no actual plot, character development, or direction. Sorry but this is giving me a headache. I'm out.

It started well but deteriorated into endless snarky dialogue with no real purpose or plot development, I thought it had promise but soon disappointed me.

anonjerry

so this is a universe the air is 30% speed and 5% meth?

That would explain why everyone talk all the time right?

I love good dialog, especially of the witty kind, which your story has in spades. This is probably why my favorite short story is ‘I Hate Dragons’ by Brandon Sanderson. You do need a good editor however as you have many words out of order breaking the flow of the story. It is interesting how many comments are about the volume of dialog, yet I find it nice as it better conceals the true feelings between the characters, yet is brief enough that my mind can still find and track the subtleties. Nicely done.

cheers

Damn...this story is SO good! I am completely and utterly dialed A-L-L the way in!

Nice but pacing way too slow. Plot meanders all over the place with no discernible goat. Then there is this huge aside for the Ros/Ron story which seems to lack any discernible link to whatever the main plot is..???

Nice snappy dialogue; but quips do not a story make

I never laughed so hard at some of the sarcasm. It is almost as good as military or medical humor. This story resembles life the way it takes so long to get where you are going.

Still a beautiful story. I have never laughed so hard or so often as I did reading this story.

Great writing, you're almost as smart as your protagonists, with the hilarious dialogues. Love it.

You said somewhere you don't proof read, edit, etc. That is within your rights. It is also very notable, alas. No five paragraphs go by (on average) without some typo's at least, and often a phrase that is contorted, whole words off, missing or redundant. So much so, we have to guess as to the meaning. It hurts your otherwise delicious prose, IMO.

Tx&gtz

Agree with servant111 btw, i even skipped part of the Roz/Rod story (i assume that's what he was referring to by Ros/Ron!! ;-) ). It was keeping us away from the plot line for too long. To my taste anyway.

WOW!!!

I LOVE your writing!!! There aren't enough exclamation points for how much I love it!!!!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

The humorous dialogue had me laughing so much that my dog thought something was wrong and came to celebrate with me. (She loves when people laugh)

Nice story and initial plot. Kind of not sure why we got so much back story on rod and roz.

Kind of getting tired of the constant man basking and all of a sudden roz is happy to be mean to her husband?

OK - i'm going to be the grouch here. Definitely didn't like delicious interferring with Rod's sex life. I've seen something like this happen in real life - husband got tired of the interference and left his wife.