All Comments on 'Sign Language'

For the images it brings to mind.

Father's song to a child : high 5-ed !

Beautiful

I really like how you draw us in by the description of your hands and then cut to the heart of the poem.

The device of vivid description followed by a relevant switch to feeling seems a departure from other poems of yours I have read and reminds me of Oldbear (I certainly have tried to modify my style after reading his).

Anyway, very clear, very moving poem.

When I first read it I assumed you were talking of a woman but Ashe's interpretation of a baby fits better I think.

once, too well - I am going to speak to you as a technician, in two years you have earned it. I read S1 (it is amazing) it is a unique description, poetry without poetisms. Then the language becomes simple, so far not a problem. But like we all do you set up problems when you write. What I'm going to say is structural and should not be construed as anything else but me talking to a peer.

Think balance, remove S1 and read it, it is a good poem, see it, the problem you set up is S1 outperforms the last stanza, The last stanza is the most important. Also consider position, suppose the next too last stanza, or even the third was as word crafted as the first, the simplicity of the last is elevated by the contrast. Considerations

Besides that, I am impressed,

Keep in mind, all poems beyond four lines are subject to some failing, just the nature of the game, 10,000 things are tough to keep track of,

Really, man you have arrived. 5ed

1201 for your thoughts it makes sense, I appreciate the effort you have put in to help myself as a writer, it's time that you give for free to give feedback that benefits all involved.

@ cleardaynow I have experimented with this type of write before but haven't been satisfied with the piece, most of my crap I throw out in the threads to get them out of my head and if in a couple of days time I think there is potential I'll edit it to submit.

Thanks trix, honey and ash :-)

I have really nothing to add to all previous comments. I thank them for their insights and thank you for sharing it. I admired it very much!

5ed & recommend.

The description of the working hands coming down to the ending is really strong and beautiful. Wish Lesse could read it.

Beautiful.