All Comments on 'Explorations: By My Command'

Not bad, but you keep switching between first and third person, very distracting

Don't know if this'll get received by an anonymous user. Sincerely doubt it, but either way, it's worth a counterargument. It's all from Ray, the male character's, perspective. Talking about Emily in 3rd person makes logical sense, in a 1st person narrative where she's someone other than Ray.

Different anon. The story uses the word 'he', which is 3rd person for Ray too.

I'm willing to admit when I missed things when editing my writings before submission, but there are exactly three instances in the entire story, that I could find, where I slipped up, and each of them is a single word. Hardly enough to constitute jarringly breaking the perspective throughout the story, as the first anon suggested.

Critique is fine, and further, readily welcomed, but I'd prefer them to have specific examples of what they're critiquing, if I messed up in my writing and editing. Saying something vague without any examples helps me in no way to correct the error(s) in my writings.

Hot story. The thing that took me out of the story was the short paragraphs. It seems like most of them were one sentence except the spoken parts, and it made it feel a little choppy. That's format though, which is a lot easier to fix than lack of talent, which is what most of the anon posters suffer from. :)

Thank you very much for reading and enjoying, as well as the input!

My format is by design, though, actually. I tend to format my fiction like traditional fiction, which is different than the format of a lot of stories on this site. A great deal of stories on this site, I've found, tend to have a formal paper-style paragraph structure, instead.

Thank you. This is too hot. Should be good in video ;)But still. Sexy.