All Comments on 'Badge of Betrayal'

Might want to correct the type size and resubmit.

Due to the small typing fix the issue then I will read it

Oh Pfft, use ctrl + mouse wheel.

This is a major work, in size at any rate, will take some digesting.

Typically I managed about four pages in, and pulled up stumps until tomorrow. Weak of me yes, I know. I have skipped ahead to the last page (no. 26 if you're counting) but no I won't spoil it for anyone, nevertheless I'm eager to see what happens in the intervening 22 pages.

Cheers from Tired Eyed,

Kilroy.

Not sure I want to put that much time and effort into reading what may turn out to be crap.

The first part has such small type it's hard to see. From what I did read, it appears to be a well written story, but I don't think you're going to get many people to take the time to finish this.

I would suggest pulling it, fixing the small type, then break it into 3 or 4 chapters and submit them one day apart.

After the first few paragraphs the text got too small to see & it became readable again at page 23 or so. Keep in mind that the small text makes the story the 26 pager it currently is, increasing the size would put it at & probably over the 30-ish mark. Divide the story into chapters, no more then 8 or 10 pages per chapter, preferably 06. Since you already have the full story, a chapter ever few days would work. You DO have a good story here, but the small type & length for this site are the weaknesses.

Small text started right after you had used a superscript on 5th. The 'th' superscripted, but the text never returned to normal after that.

I did read it all and enjoyed every page. When I encountered the small type, I simply used my browser and increased the size of the type. One of the best stories I've read in my years at Lit. In the future, splitting it up would lead to more readers. I admit that I'll usually skip stories this long, but I read a few pages and was hooked.

Thanks for a great story.

I sized up my browser font and could not put the story down... Well written and just enough humour to keep it light, and tonnes of drama.

Great entry and some interesting twists on the formula.

One of the more successful stories to pop up this year. I love a tale that takes its time and pays off in the end, and you managed it well.

I cannot imagine why people are complaining over the length. It was great. Of course, it could have edited down a little here and there, but what I think could be edited, someone else who not. It could have been done in chapters, but I have never understood that. If I get tired of reading, I can walk away and come back, but if I prefer to read it all at once, good for me.

Overall it was one of the best works I have read in a while.

Michael

Even overlooking the font issue, this is one of the best LW stories that I have read in a long time. Nice to see screwed husband come out standing smelling like a Rose. Thank you for the read and look forward to other submissions.

I was only on page 3 of your story, Badge of Despair, when I ran across your sentence: "Dr Slattery and Dr Morganstern, the hospitalist who would be overseeing my care from now on, talked with my wife and I about the future of my care and how soon I might be able to go home." I was really enjoying your writing, so good, so well constructed, and so readable that I cringed when I read that sentence. No matter how often you will see that incorrect usage, it is still wrong. Try reading your sentence aloud leaving the words my wife and out. When you hear yourself read, "talked with I about the future...", you will hear that it is wrong. Now read it, replacing the "I" with "me". Talked with me about the future...will ring true in your ears. Your writing is so good that it deserves correct spelling and usage.

2. Ten paragraphs later you wrote: "It wasn't worth me risking my boys growing up in two households to get a divorce. So we just continued on, Clarissa doing her thing and me wallowing in my celibacy. Another example of popular usage which is not truly wrong, but redundant. Continued means to carry on. Continued on means to carry on on. Additionally, your sentence should correctly read, "It wasn't worth my risking...". I won't bore you with the explanation according to the rules of grammar. I was an editor with Prentice-Hall, Inc. for years because I know all those rules.

3. Three paragraphs later you wrote, "I'm not that big of a pig that I felt no remorse over stepping out on my marriage briefly." This is really nit picking, but your excellent writing deserves the most rigorous editing. Correctly, your sentence should read, "I'm not that big a pig that I felt..."."Of a pag" is fine for normal conversation, but not for published writing.

4. Five paragraphs later, "I couldn't help but be glad to sense that my experience had even given my sons a little bit of gravitas of their own, especially for Nick who was my oldest and who was now navigating the social minefields inherent in junior high school - especially since he was basically a new kid in school, despite living in or near Red River Falls his entire life. First, and again nit picking, your character has two sons, therefore Nick is his older. Can't have an oldest unless one has at least three. I was impressed even more when I saw your use of gravitas. Your use was exactly correct, and that word has been used since its use in ancient Rome. You and Caesar!

Finally, I'm not looking for a position as your editor, or anyone's. All the above was sent because I respected your writing sufficiently to take the time to send this before I had even begun page 4. Thanks for your story.

Great story. But you were wrong about Curly Bill Brocius being at the O K Corral.

I enjoyed this story very much. Easily 5 stars.

5 stars. Thank you!

I rarely read a story that makes me yearn for revenge, but this story did it. It was long as hell, but I couldn't stop reading it until I saw that asshole and his whore go down. It was worth enduring the small type. I'm gonna give you 5 stars. Great job!

But I figured I'd read a couple of pages & give it a shot. It was very well done & you had me hooked with your tie-in to one of your previous stories.

Laptop is right though - wayyyyy too long of a story for one read. You would be much better served (and get more readers) by breaking it down to three or four chapters.

I also didn't like the font issue - so editing could use some work. But your story still worked for me - it's a good thing for me I'm on vacation & could finish it off in one setting. Anyways - a well deserved five stars!

This was a great story. Too bad it had to end! Well done.

First, I enjoyed it a lot and did give it five stars. I liked how Pat was a good man, but also that he was not perfect. In his mind he cheated first, but later learned his wife deliberately withheld sex because she was already into an affair. His set up of Bud and Marion again not something a perfect "Navy Seal or Ranger" would do.

The ending was barely enough for me You wrote 26 pages and foreshadowed a smidgen. I think your epilog should have focused more on what happened to Clarissa, Bud, and showed us what happened to all the characters. Did he get custody, did Bud stay away, and so much more. As the writer, you should be aware of this and finish it. I for one want to know how you envision their lives after the drama, instead of me drawing my own conclusions. An extra page or two would have been all that was required.

Still nice job!

Thank you,

M1*****

if can zooms up you computers to 200 or more reading should not be a problem.

Not sure what to write, so I'll just click the five stars and get it over with. Great BTB story.

24.5 pages of great writing. 1 page of a rushed ending. Abbreviated even.

Outside of the end, a really well done story.

Thx

Rarely and I mean rarely does someone's writing catch the reader like this, that he can not stop reading an excellent story. This story is truely a magnificent piece of work and I thank you for sharing it , something that has substance and clarity as this story has. Thank you again.......

Damn, this was a long story! But it was totally worth every last letter, line and paragraph! Sure, there were some things the author could have tweaked or fixed to make it easier to read. But as far as the actual storytelling, this was hands-down one of the best stories I've ever read on the Lit! I see the author only has three stories on here, so I am assuming he will only continue to get better. I have a new favorite author! Can't wait to read the next one!

When I first saw how long it was I thought 'Oh here we go again... so lame wannabe who'll bore to me tears by page three and make me want to put a gun to my head by page twenty-six.'

How wrong I was. Great story and well worth a five.

Didn't get past half of first page small print gave me a headache

You just presented a 7 course gourmet meal to a group used to baloney sandwiches. What a great story...novel! I hope most were able to get by the superscript glitch and make their way through this. I actually downloaded the whole thing onto a word file and fixed the type so I could read it easier.

I think this puts you up with the elite authors in this category. I hope you have more in you!

I generally don't read long stories, but for some reason I read this one, all the way to the end. It was a good story, although I didn't like that Bud essentially got away with his crimes and that Patrick used illegal means to protect himself. Not only was what he did illegal, but he put others in a a very awkward position. Still, I gave the story 5 stars, thank you.

When i saw that this story was 26 pages long i checked your other 2 stories and saw how short they where i wasn't expecting alot for a first try at a lengthy one. All i can really say is GREAT job and can't wait to see what you come up with next.

PS Trying not to take so long to post the next one,lol.

for "loving wives". Normal reaction anymore, but was pleasantly surprised by this new author. Damn you know how to tell a story. 5* for brightening up a category that's gone to the dogs. (ML)

First off, you have a good story. But.... In the beginning, by trying to show all the details, the story gets lost. You might try some judicious editing on the over amount of details. Everyone know most police stations use Motorola radios. You don't have to mention them by name and model number. The same with the weapons. Accuracy is nice, but do in in a more off hand way. Like, "Most want the 45, or the nine mil, but I chose to carry the big forty. It has better knockdown power and accuracy. It is strange what goes through your mind when you are waiting for something to happen, or not."

Don't telegraph your punches so much. By the time you got to the actual shoot out, everyone pretty much knew there was going to be a shoot out and the hero was going to be wounded.

I liked the fact you didn't make you hero a total white hat, plaster saint. You made him human, warts and all. You went a bit overboard with the fling with mommy dearest. But, that is just a personal opinion.

You need to tighten up your scenes. you lose impact with a lot of the witty banter. Go for the gut shot. It works better in short stories. If you have a question, try talking it out. It might look good on paper, but sound silly as hell when you speak the words out loud. As for the story length, this might have been better split into two or three sections. You had great stop points that kept it interesting.

Now for the main character, first you make him a good observant cop, then you make him an idiot, that can't spot the obvious signs of his wife's cheating. Being an ex-officer, cops usually know the signs better than most since they deal with it day in and day out. Especially in smaller insulated communities. If there was a gradual build up of the issues it would have played better. But, from the start you made her an inattentive bitch. Also in most small departments, everyone knows who's fucking whom. They might turn a blind eye to it, but they do know what's going on. All in all, this story needs a good editor and some small reworks to make it flow better.

Good luck and keep up the good words

Myhands316

I don't understand how he could let Bud and his wife get away with trying to frame him and put him in jail for the rest of his life. And what was their punishment? Bud has to retire (boo-boo) and his wife doesn't get him (a person she never wanted). They got away with everything, not the way they wanted, but they can each continue with their lives. Not much of a consequence. Still, well written, engaging, gave you 5*, keep writing!

dont like that it was ended before he took out the whore or that he didnt make her agree to a divorce on his terms at that point and time to, but a man running for an election in a divorce is a bad idea.... so story wise it was a sound decision.

4/5

to the anon below me who asked about letting him get away with it... it was explained pretty much in the story that because of the evidence tampering it would have created mondo problems with many cases. What you have to ask yourself is how many of those crimes victims lives would have been turned upside down not to mention some of them might have gotten free depending on evidence etc with new trials (some of them would have got new trials in rl with something like that). In other words to a dedicated officer, his vengance wasnt worth destroying so many other victims. Sometimes in life you walk away with the draw or small victory not the overwhelming one. For all the more contrived and over the top this story goes to be, its a good example of that. Granted in the story you wanna see the *good guy* win but well....

The small print is quasi unreadable so I gave up...

1 star for it's length, another for good writing and a third for a balanced ending. 5 stars for the story though. A great read.

But you can't have my Johnny Walker Blue!!! Loved that line and loved the whole story! 5*****

Good story, but I'd like to know what happened to the ex-wife and ex-sheriff.

Well written, well thought out 5* because I can't give it 10

Colin the Dogg

Like eating Sunday brunch at Country Buffet, they have a damm good idea of what I want and like and give me LOTS of it . Some would argue that the undeniable excess diminishes the experience. Well I'm not in that former group.

Too wordy ? I'll skim read and not mind a lick, as long as the core story is in place. Small print? This is free hi-quality thriller. Consider tweaking the browser the price of admission. The story is a bargain, a five star literary wife stealing and subsequent consequence deal. *****

I don't know what happened, but the font size became too small for me to read

1. Please forgive me mentioning this, but I think you have a formatting problem on page 1.

On my screen it came up as three different fonts.

2. Could you split this mammoth story into smaller bits ?

Nice going

HP

st the couple of small details you should correct. Ford stopped making the Crown Victoria, even for law enforcement, in 2011. Also had he taking the case to the state attorney general's office they would have been glad to assist him with the investigation into his boss's criminal activity. Just a couple things I'm a retired law enforcement officer. Other than that a great Story 5 stars.

let the ex and the ex sheriff off too easy. also what happens to them and it shouldnt be nice.

'nuff said.

i read it and still have a hard time deciding who was good or who was evil, they all made me sick.

2 years?.......REALLY????

Good story. Reminds me of Longhorn_ 7 (I think that's the handle).He would rip a good yarn for 15 to 30 pages.

You have talent and ideas ,keep it coming.

I look forward to seeing your next story.

AMerryMan

I was so fucking wrong. Holy shit man. Why are you posting here? A bit cliched but I didn't even care. I would say that you mixed up the names a few times but 26 pages I can't blame ya. You made me feel anger man. I was actually disappointed that the parties walked away scott free while I generally don't care either way.

My only complaint is that you should have had a forewarning about thr length or broken it into segments. But I'm not gonna look at a perfectly cooked filet mignon and complain that I'm not hungry enough to eat it all.

Raving aside. Please write more here. 5*

No such thing:

Panasonic Quick Book laptop computer, there is however a Toughbook made by Panasonic.

No such thing:

Taurus .44 magnum revolver thumb safety, the safeties are a key lock and an internal transfer bar.

Instead of tacking steel plates to old trucks, why wouldn't they use real armored military vehicles?

The Federal Govt. gives them away to police and sheriff dept.s all the time (since Reagan was president at least)

And what real chance is there that a law enforcement seminar would be held in a hotel forbidding firearms?

Law enforcement officers are required to carry off-duty weapons by most departments.

Way too long, didn't finish, so didn't rate it.

When I saw 26 pages I almost stopped, but it was so interesting that I could not put it down. I could not see how he could ever get out of the trap until he cut the Gordian knot with the help of a magician instead of a sword..]

Five *

good enjoyable read, if you haven't already, you should consider doing this as a career.

I don't believe even the Sky can hold them. TK U MLJ LV NV

You really should have broken it up into 4 or 5 chapter. Took me almost 6 hrs to read it.

But you sure knocked it out of the stadium with this one!!! I've read more than a few stories on here, and this was one of the best. So what if you made 1 or 2 ''technical'' errors, i just had to keep reading. Congradulatoin's to you sir, you definately have a winner on your hands!!!

Like others I started reading this and got drawn in. When I realized the page count I almost passed on it, but I'm glad I didn't. This is a top notch story, kind of reminded me of Disclosure by Michael Crichton. Over the top plotting by the bad guy but the hero wades through all the shit to come out smelling like a rose. Loved that book and loved this too. Great work! 5 stars!

Great read...and so very well written but I almost went blind on some early chapters. Looking forward to future posts. Thanks.

Well, if not succinctly, told. Like some others, I liked that Pat was a flawed hero. I still would have liked more revenge. Once I knew that Clarissa had been involved in trying to imprison me - FUCKING IMPRISON IN REAL JAIL- I would have gone for blood. I think he let her off easy.

Excellent story. I enjoyed it a lot and my complaints are far less than my compliments.

I almost abandoned it when I saw the page count but I'm glad I didn't.

Man o man what a read.. Never thought that my daily short read, would literally take me all day to read! #GreatStory #ALittleWarningGoesALongWayLol #5StarClassic #ReadyForYourNextRead

Great story, likable and unlikeable characters , just the right amount of sex and great story line :)

On what universe does a woman try to frame her husband to go to jail for a long time and then thinks he will ignore it for the children? Or that he doesn't throw it back to her?

8-9 This was the best one of the 3-4 best "reads" I've read on literotica in the 8-9 years I've been reading- I'd give you a 10+ but their ratings obviously don't go that high.

After reading this a second time I have fought about the story in more detail and with more consideration. FIRST the good news. The actual story itself was pretty impressive.... It was complicated convoluted but not to the point where the reader could not follow what was going on. The hero/ Husband was very well developed and quite realistic which made his appeal even more powerful.

SECOND.... LW has a great new talent which has appeared on the scene after the last few stories. ** AUTHOR PLEASE KEEP WRITING **

THE BAD NEWS... First as somebody who suffers from dyslexia I am NOT Grammer nazi. My comments are strictly about the actual story itself.

1. The entire story .... From the very first few pages hinges upon the wife 's loss of sex drive. And that is what rulings the story.

AUTHOR... dude you totally mishandled this entire situation. CONSIDER:

You have this brilliant sharp observant and wise detective who who has been Denied MEANINGFUL sex from his wife for 2 years.... Yet the same cop is unable to even entertained the fall that something funny MIGHT be going on? sorry this is fucking absurd .

Cops are by the nature and profession are suspicious people and it makes no sense in the story that the husband would not even consider the idea that his the might not be telling the truth about her LOSS of sex drive.

2. the LACK of the ' HONEY WE HAVE TO TALK " MOMENT.

Even if we accept for the moment this point detective is actually this fucking clueless and Obtuse.... over the 2 years he never once had the BIG conversation with his wife.

Does ANYONE know of a Young married couple that could go from an active sex life to NOTHING over 2 years without seeing a Huge marriage blow up / fight ? I dont.

3 .LET ASSUME the husband/ hero cop REALLY thought that there was something wrong with his wife's sex drive. FOR 2 YEARS ? .... not one time the wife got Horny??? NOT ONCE ? Just on a basic biological level that sort of shutdown of an ADULT human sex drive is DANGEROUS and that by itself should of triggered alarm bells .

4. THE ENDING FUCKING SUCKED... According to the scheme uncovered by the hero cop in the story his BISS had set up a massive conspiracy that would send the husband away for a few hundred years worth the prison time ... esnure he would Never get out of Jail ... Looses kids forever has they would end up thinking he was a mastermind criminal and a thief.

Yet at the end of the story... the boss.... "BUD" walks away with almost no damage done whatsoever. He gets a wonderful retirement sendoff.... And absolutely nothing bad happens to him in any way whatsoever.

Just pitiful

I actually forgot what site I was on for awhile. You have a supreme gift for storytelling. This was a phenomenal read and anyone who thinks otherwise doesn't know art when they see it.

it's an easy fix. Both Internet Explorer and Firefox have the feature to increase font size up to 400% of original. A minor inconvenience, well worth the effort to be entertained by this new upcoming excellent writer. I'd rather be inconvenienced by a good writer compared to wading through dozens of badly written non-erotic stories. Good entertaining story author. Thank you. 5* for your effort.

...but 9000 pages just wasn't enough...

GET A FUCKING EDITOR!!!! GODDAMN!

Damn. That was a great story. Full of detail, real life, and a plot that I could drive a semi on and not worry about any holes.

First class.

-V

I was so engrossed in the story, the sex scenes were an imposition. I skipped over all of them. Sorry. I'm not saying there was anything wrong with them. I just wanted to get back to the story.

Excellent story with interesting, real characters. I'm assuming all the police procedural stuff was accurate--fortunately, I have no experience with the police other than TV crapola.

It's going to be a very hard act to follow, Soldierboy, but you have all the tools to do it.

rj

A real fairy tale, a real fantasy.in your life this would never happen as written . I can go on and on with the errors and impossibilities but it was a story. With a happy ending.not more than a 4 star nothing was realistic in this whole plot. It does not deserve an excellent rated based on its improbability .

Good read....long but good. Thanks for the effort

I managed to read the whole thing in one day. It is the kind of story you hate to put down. The protagonist is a character that it is easy to like, in spite of his flaws. While the fairy tale ending is hard to believe, it is the kind of ending you want in escapist fiction. Good job

Holy shit!! This story was so good I couldn't put it down so was way late for work!

Just brilliant.

Well done!

I loved the modernization of your story. I just thought it was good the first time this is better. Keep it up.

I think you have a lot of talent and write really well. Parts of this story grabbed me but others had me drifting and skimming. Maybe breaking it up would have helped.

Here is my two cents worth on ways you could have improved the story or atleast this readers enjoyment of it.

Firstly, early in the story the excessive detail about gun makes and cars and laptops etc.. I see that I start to skim.

Secondly I can't follow the need for the convuluted plot that the sheriff and Clarissa hatched to be together. You see there is this thing called a divorce that is quite common and easy to get now days.

Wife turns loving marriage and becomes a whore,plots with lover sheriff to set husband up (another cop,) cuts him off with sex for over a year and he still cannot figure what's going on , made dumb by author in this instant. A miracle happens he find out about his wife and the plot to destroy him. Gets others involved and breaks the law himself. If it plays out like the sheriff wanted he does life in prison so miracle he turns the tables on the sheriff , reverses the set up and becomes the new sheriff while his wife and sheriff get off Scott free . So how does the good guy win here . Just a fairy tale no reality in real life.

Doesn't bode well for him being sheriff. And if Bud was willing to do this to a friend, how many others has he screwed over during his career? Bud and his cronies needed to go to jail, and every case they ever worked on put under review.

All over the place, no real hero or villeins. Both cheating idiots. Stupid story and far too long.

This was a good (but not great) story that didn't have to be quite so long. Make it three chapters. A good editor could help make the pieces fit together better. I do agree that Bud and Clarissa should suffer more than they did and Bud's wife should have been informed. How are Pat's and Shannon's children going to come together? You need to think about a better ending/epilogue to make the personal issues come together.

Tiny Tim

Sheriff did not have to break all those laws so he can fuck the wife of another cop. Takin and tampering with evidence make 0 sense.. Evolving others always comes back to you. So he wants to blackmail wife cop into submission setting him up to do life in prison . Why? And after all this impossible plotting and getting caught all the plotters go scott free. Just unbelievable .yet so many readers liked this story .

Really liked your work. I had no trouble reading it, even on my I-pad. I know first hand how difficult it is to first create something in your mind and then put it down on paper. As I neared the end I kept hoping for more. Keep up with your writing.

Just LOVE to see how so many people are so damn critical of every little detail about a FICTIONAL story, A FICTIONAL STORY...smh!! Get over yourselves already, huh?!?! If I could see 10-15 of these type stories written each week (rather than the stupid cuck crap that's posted 5 times a day) I'd take it in a heartbeat!

Bravo Soldierboy, keep em coming!

Great Story +++555

Good for the most part despite the text size issue. Breaking such a long story down into chapters would of worked better than one huge posting imho. The ending was a let down and way to short considering how long this story was. Considering the shit Bud, the wife and the DA had lined up for Patrick, them just getting off scot free felt really lame.

Hell, if he used the evidence he had, not only would all three scumbags have gone to jail but he easily would of gotten the job as Sheriff along with custody of his kids.

the husband gets the upper hand and instead of sending them to jail he lets them go , so is his whore wife going to get custody of the kids after all this. he just files for divorce , that's it? weak ending for a fictional story

I put this story on par with WWWM! Outstanding story line, few, if any, spelling or grammar mistakes, and very entertaining. I liked the character development and story flow. If you haven't tried yet, I think you're ready to try writing to get published for mass market - paperbacks at the very least. If you have been published, I'd love to know what you've written so I could read it. Of course, Soldierboy50401 isn't an appropriate "author's name" for publishing - lol

Bud's outlandish scheme against Pat can easily be accepted as the actions of a swaggering thug politician with an army of cronies he's had backing up a corrupt reign for years; he did it because he thought there was no one to stop him.

The problem with the ending is Pat, "our hero," making a "deal with the devil," letting the plotters off for his own benefit (their support in his run for sheriff and sweeping his years as Bud and Clarissa's cuckold pawn under the rug). He should have made the deal while wearing a wire, busted them all, exposed the entire scheme and run for office based on his promise to clean up whatever other corruption Bud and his co-conspirators had committed over the years. As written, all it does is have Pat turn the tables on Bud and then sell out and end up taking Bud's place at the top rung of the dirty ladder.

The reason he let them go was explained at least twice.

If he had not let Bud go all the evidence from the cases would have become suspect and inadmissible.

The verdicts would have been overturned, the convicted freed, and there would have been no evidence left against them.

He chose not to let murderers get away.

Bud would have let them get out.

Sometimes there is no perfect solution.

Maybe this story would have been easier to keep track of if it was shorter?

He fucked hi mother-in-law; Why shouldn't his wife be allowed to fuck someone else too.

Incest and adultery is a lot worst than adultery by itself. This website is lacking credibility because of not having a story category titled "cheating husbands" to go along with "loving wives".

There are only two at the moment.

Wife was cheating months before he was with MIL.

After one spouse cheats the marriage contract is broken.

Once a contract is broken it is no longer binding on the other party.

When she cheated she freed him from the condition of monogamy imposed by the marriage vows.

A real double standard would be to expect him to be faithful when she is not.

Overall, a very enjoyable story.

I did have a few comments/questions.

First, after the initial confrontation he doesn't think about carrying a recorder around with him? Granted there was nothing grossly criminal said but it would make clear that Bud intended to frame him. That would have gone a long way in his defense. People would have started to ask probing questions. They would have found out about Jeff's gambling problem and made connections back to Bud. Pat endured multiple slapdown conversations helplessly while he could have been gathering evidence. As a police officer, recording a suspect should have jumped to mind immediately.

Next, a general question. Is this really a BTB story? Besides the divorce, how was Clarissa burned? Yes, she had no respect for him and had arrogant plans against him. But all he did was not be a patsy to those plans. He broke up Bud's relationship with her but it didn't look like Bud really wanted her anyway. Clarissa wasn't hurt or turned into a crack whore or left destitute or any other nasty revenge. He simply left her. Now I think undoing her plans and better yet completely undermining Bud was worthwhile all by itself. Very satisfying. But was Clarissa "burned"? People tend to classify any story where the wife is not forgiven as a BTB story. I think there is a middle ground where the husband is not a sucker and yet the wife is simply dumped.

I also agree with too much technical details being distracting. A couple times I felt myself almost losing the thread of the story in the middle of a extensive discussion. Make in concise and most important, make it accurate. The hacking of the various systems is too glib. While it is possible to hack some systems easily, some are harder or impossible to hack, at least in the ways described, an insertion of modified data. I might, for example, be able to access and crash a system but could not access and modify the data on the same system. The more systems involved the harder and more unlikely it could be done, no matter how many tattoos the girl has or how smart the girl was. I accept this "flaw" in the story as a bit of James Bond magic, not quite believable but all in good fun.

Certainly the convicted could have filed appeals arguing that the evidence against them was tainted or manufactured, but the burden of proof once you've been convicted is no longer on the state. And you have to wonder how many innocent people Bud may have framed over the years because they were in between him and something he wanted. Pat's rationale for his actions was legally questionable as well as self serving.

Every case that Bud or his cronies ever touched would have, and should have been, re-investigated.

what has happend to the other 21 pages that were there yesterday I got up to page 7 now it's not there

I found myself unable to close your story and go to work today, being compelled to finish it. Congratulations!

If the story's complete restore the rest of the pages.

Loved the way you tied in your previous mil story with this one and loved that it WASNT a wimpy cuckold story! Very interesting and gripping story!

I know that you implied these things, however because of the length of the story I would have like to actually hear about Clarissa's reaction to the divorce!

Also because of the length of the story, I would have like to also read about Shannon's reaction to his proposal.

I know that Caroline said that she would always take her daughter side, but she did love Patrick and it would have been nice to see Martin play a part in getting Pat elected. Also with all the risks that Tonya took for Pat, I think he could have done more for her.

Well done

great story very well written kept me reading until i finished the whole story. lots of twists and turns in it to make it a great story to read. hope to see more from you in the future

Long story, coming in at 26 pages. But I was engaged for each and every one.