All Comments on 'Dream Drive Ch. 03'

(/^w^)/ MOAR

Good story,looking forward to the next installment, Had it been me I would have split it into two chapters to make for an easier read, it took me three bites to finish it.

What you're doing is awesome! I guess I'm greedy but I like these 'full' chapters w/ good cliff hangers. Like someone else said, I want MORE!

One glaring one when Jack gets his new name (Tatanka or Tanaka?) but nice progression on the story. Having to wait quite a while for the next chapter is going to hurt, hopefully we get to see what are the changes for Jack outside the dream drive.

It's intended to be Tatanka Ska, not Tanaka. Thanks for pointing that out!

It might interest you to know that Tatanka Ska is in fact Lakota for White Bison.

Found these @ about 3am, knowing I should go to bed.

's'now 6am. G'night.

-cittran

I'm really enjoying the story - premise and writing style is good - hooks me and flows well - reasonable character development. Itching to find out more about Isis and what the hell is going on. Once done you might submit this to a publisher . .

This story is shaping up to being the BEST story that I have read, I do hope you plan on many chapters and to complete it. I can't wait for more....

You've created some very distinct and interesting characters. I found this story while looking for virtual reality erotica, but I really like the direction you've taken with this story, and I'm eager to read more. I'm almost disappointed that I didn't run into this a year from now, because now I've got to wait to read what happens from here!

Also, I had a smile on my face, because you did in fact use the Lakota language for White Buffalo. Nice touch!

I love books and stories that deal with virtual reality. I dare say this story could easily turn out better than "ready player one" and "sword art online". Please continue the great work.

I have read all three chapters through twice and I dare say it only gets better.

I have checked back every day for a week and still no chapter 4, and will contine to do so. I await it with baited breath. Please continue writing. And I agree, consider submitting this to a publisher or self publishing if you must. This is too amazing of a story to not be shared.

I'm tempted to say your writing is wasted on Literotica. A rewrite without the sex would definitely be something I'd like to read. Get yourself published.

Just amazing....I'm completely hooked!

. . . is some of the best I have been privileged to read anywhere. I will relish it while it is still free and hope I will be able to afford it after you start publishing for $$$.

Is excellent! You do a wonderful job portraying each character's personality, even those that have only appeared briefly.

I was looking for a story with a good build up to some really hot sex. And while this story does have that, it has so much more. It is a scifi/fantasy story that has sex in it, as opposed to a sex story with a scifi/fantasy theme.

At first, I was dissatisfied by the lack of erotica in this story on an erotica website, but the sex did come eventually and so did I. With a clearer mind I realized you did warn me in the beginning and the story itself is amazing and worth the read on its own merit even without the sex.

Physical needs now delt with, I am still eager to continue this amazing tale. This is one of a very few times I can say that. And I believe this is the first time I have ever left a comment. I just had to say great job.

Simply amazing. This definitely has the quality to be published. I hope you have other works I can read. I'm crying because there's only 2 more released chapters

At first you give him the title Tatanka Ska, then start using Tanaka Ska.

On another note, fantastic job with the series so far! I appreciate how much emphasis is placed on story as opposed to erotic scenes. I love the setting, and can't wait to hear how everything, the magic, the game, the tower, everything is explained. Keep going!

i admit I thought the pacing was a bit slow in the beginning of this one but the last few pages really helped to bring this to a head. Characters and description remain top notch. Love the concept and execution.

You're right about smart girls ;-)

Also, erotica aside, this story is awesome. I'm going to binge-read the rest this weekend. Thank you for sharing it with us!

I'm not sure how I found your stories or what I was searching for but I'm glad I did! Your story is amazing and I can't wait to finish reading. Once in finished with what you have posted I will be checking out your published work and I agree with others that this should be published as well.

There's a few typos and mistakes but we all have them and it isn't too difficult to figure out what you meant so they don't distract from the story and are very minor in comparison to how great this is and I've only read three chapters so far.

Keep writing!

I'm reading through this and clearly Boonata is in the right, but he's being portrayed as cowardly. Knowing history I don't see how the MC would come to the conclusion that the Indians (native americans) should have fought the colonists. That would have been a recipe for extermination (on an even grander scale). It's not even like we have to speculate on this, there's countless examples of natives fighting the British (they did colonize half the world after all) and it never worked out. Also, the indians had the advantage in numbers (at least at the begining), but the people under the mountain are extremely low in numbers (in the previous episode it was said this tribe numbered 400 people and it was half of the whole tribe, presumably 800 people). A band of so few technologically underdeveloped nomads would stand no chance against an established civilization (which I'm assuming the iron men are considering their metal armor). They'd be wiped out. Boonata is advocating the only rational course of action (coexistance) and he's being mocked for it.

Of course, you can make anything happen being the writer, but it strikes me as naive and unrealistic. I'll continue reading, of course, the hook is interesting (though I'm not too keen on the characters ATM) and I want to see where you're going with it.

I made the previous comment only having read part of the chapter (the issue was really annoying me). Obviously, Boonta has turned in to a flat out bad guy now. I'm a bit disappointed with that but I won't whine. I still maintain what I said about tribes fighting civilizations though. It's never a good idea long term. It seems the iron men are going to be bent on the destruction of the people under the mountain. I'm wondering what their motivation for that is but I'm assuming that will be covered later on.

This story is easily one of the top ten best stories that I've ever read on this site...and I'm only on chapter 3! The relationships that you've developed, the action of the earlier chapters, the comedy (a few lines in this chapter had me laughing out loud), and the very well-thought-out plot intricacies are converging into an enjoyable experience that I don't get from many store-bought paperbacks. Keep up the excellent work, my man. And thanks again for providing this fellow writer with an incredibly inspiring and enjoyable read. You've got serious talent.So yeah, that thing just happened.

Aloha Over,

When Jackson was renamed, the name he was given was......"Tatanka Ska". No?

So how is Jackson now Tanaka? In a manner of a few paragraph's.

Love the story!.S interesting it's very good. Great characters.

Mahalo,

Yobo36

Wow, I want in on this game!!!!!

highly as I did Ch 2. The spelling and grammar issues, dialogue structure mistakes and plot/reality conflicts knock down my rating.

Great story, but small errors are becoming troublesome. You need a good proofreader.

You used the correct Lakota term initially, but switched to a Japanese surname soon after.

line reads, shaka [meant Chaki right?] ..and jackson looked at each other then back at shaka.

just trying to be helpful and my bad if i was missing something

I love how the dynamics shift and change in the story, its so clever to keep me interested

JC

Really enjoying the story so far, engaging and imaginative. It has a interesting feeling of expectation and intrigue foreshadowed throughout. I have to laugh when I see the anon whiners sniveling about minor shit, if you want a polished book, GO BUY ONE!! Or better yet, try finding out how hard it is to write one instead of moaning about an outstanding and extensive piece of work... Keep up the great work!!

Dom.

I'll try not to give a spoiler, but that wasn't Shakhan speaking through Shaka when Jackson got his new name. I think that was God, the one above, rather than Shakhan, Mother Earth. Details in the story would line up better if that was the case.

The other I can't place at the moment, but another detail in this chapter doesn't add up later on.

Love the story, easily the best I've ever read

JC

This is one of the best stories I've read so far on Literotica.

Up there with Path of the Necromancer and Ripperfish tale.

I sincerely hope to be able to follow Jackson to the End of the story!

This is really great stuff!

Emm... JC, I think the people believe Shekhan as a guide sent by the-one-from-above to guide them. The spirit guide said Shekhan takes her, like possesses her. So I think it's a message from the-one-from-above, delivered by Shekhan.

That's my view actually. Don't get it twisted, JC.

-_SexyFrameZ_-

Behind Saka's tent, I think that was one of the sexiest sex scenes I've ever read, though it didn't end up in more.

I haven't commented in previous chapter but here goes. I like the story, it's very well written and I'm excited to learn more about Jack and see how he makes his way up the tower. I like the interactions between characters, they seem real. Also, the sex scenes are HOT.

Tatanka Ska or is it Tanaka Ska??? You've used both several times, just trying to clarify it. Blessings

This tale is so wonderfully woven, all the threads lain one upon another, I am enthralled, excited and impressed by your handiwork. To bring the woes of a modern society to its roots for salvation of both is genius. This is divine work! I cannot wait to devour more and spend time in your story.

page 2,

"I guess he wants to keep you all to herself." herself should be a she

page 5, i am unsure here

"He wanted to coax his true self out of him" is it supposed to be she? both make some sense, but she would make slightly more...

I will definately continue reading all of this!

What sane woman would want to have sex after nearly being raped? Jack really is dumber than I gave him credit for if he didn't acknowledge that the creek was compromised. He should have been at least a little concerned that Boonta could double back. Careless and impatient. Now they suffer the consequences.

It's a mistake to focus on having other calling Jackson Tanaka, it weakens the connection to the character, it would be better if Chaki continued to call him Jack per his wishes.

In a way, It would be pretty disrespectful and conceited of the tribe to insist on him completely abandoning his own name when he has done so much for them.

Just a note that lots of words, names and the like were mixed up or flipped about in order for some reason

JC

So far one of the best stories...

tanaka tatanka takana ... make up your mind

Random thought on the number and stat crunching. If increasing Vit gives him passive health regen, is it not possible that increasing Spr would do the same for essence (explains the essence regen of the tribeswomen)

If this guy was really investing in funds before starting the game, you'd think the potential for compound gains would have him experiment with at least one or two points in spirit. (Spr increase ups passive essence, which can be reinvested into Spr for greater essence payout) Diminishing returns would likely nerf this approach fairly quickly, but it'd be a solid strategy early game if Passive Essence Regen is actually a thing for players and not just "NPCs".

This is a very entertaining and enthralling story. I would pay to find such a gem in a bookstore. You need to do a bit of editing for wrong pronouns and missing words, but the story telling is superb. I can already tell I'll be sad when the tale is done.

Amazing story in almost every way! I guess he starts to learn magic next part.

His name is Tatanka Ska the first few times, but then Tanaka Ska thereafter. Is this a mistake or intentional?

The worldbuilding and set up are ok. Mostly taken from other stories but if the writing is good I don't mind.

Problem is the MC and interactions between people in general. MC is supposed to be some kind of gaming/tech savant bit is actually pretty dumb, both socially and intellectually. He is unlikeable but people magically like him anyway, all persons so far talk exactly the same weird/unbelievable way. This budding romance with the indian girl does not make sense at all. This all takes up way too much of the story.

Also a real gamer would balk at using up exp for weak skills, especially when you can invest it directly in attributes for much bigger permanent results.

Cannot read this anymore, klckr out.

I really like this story and setting. The characters are interesting and the main character is likable, though flawed. I also enjoy the looming threat aspect.

Boonta is a bit obvious as the living inciting incident but, hey; that's narrative I guess.

You need some beta readers to help you keep track of stuff and fix minor errors but this is clearly publishable work.