All Comments on 'Agent Alpha Ch. 01'

by QueenAnastasia

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  • 7 Comments
cantfightfatecantfightfateover 9 years ago
I'm liking the story.

Keep up the good work. Pay attention to details though. Describe and show us, rather than telling us what's happening. And if you're going to use French, spell it correctly.

You've done a good job making us understand and like Rhys. And though I don't really like Agent Shepherd yet, the sympathy factor may be enough to start that process.

I'll keep an eye out for more chapters.

MabelCinnamonMabelCinnamonover 9 years ago
Ok I give!

I'll admit that the first chapter was kinda choppy an I struggled to make sense of it. But this one was much better and now I'm hooked! Please continue!

ariesgirlariesgirlover 9 years ago

I'm guessing Agent Shephard's harsh behavior could be because her sister was one of those kidnapped?

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
why is he not smarter?

In the first chapter, I felt he was delegating a lot of power to Isla (?) and he was not displaying much wisdom to be an alpha male. In this chapter, the same character flaw is evident. Is the packs lack of financial security due to a lack of insight on his part? I just want him to be smarter... keep writing it is a very interesting story.

QueenAnastasiaQueenAnastasiaover 9 years agoAuthor
Why he's not "smart"

I think Rhys is very intelligent, but I also think he's under an enormous amount of pressure constantly, which has a way of draining a person, regardless of how smart or strong they are. So he turns to Isa as and adviser, what's wrong with that? Heads of state do that regularly for all sorts of issues. Honestly, I actually view this more as a character strength of Isa that she is able to provide their leader with quality advise. If Rhys always had all the answers, why is there even a story about him at all? Why run with a pack that needs him far more than he needs them, the whole loyalty business aside? Rhys is imperfect, as is every other character in this story. I personally think it makes them more real and easy to understand.

I think another commenter pointed out that (s)he liked that the pack is poor and not really all that powerful and I couldn't agree more. This is a pack that almost everyone can relate to and understand. When an imperfect hero faces adversity and rises above, it has the potential to instill real inspiration in the reader. That sort of take away emotion will last far longer than the fleeting "This is enjoyable" sensation that most people get from their entertainment these days.

But, to answer your question, Isa is an alpha female and she's the oldest were in the western hemisphere and well past breeding age. It makes perfect sense to me that Rhys would seek out her guidance on important matters since she's got a lot of wisdom due to age alone. Really, you should be asking if the pack's financial situation is her fault, not Rhys's. Rhys inherited this mess when the pack alpha was killed and he's been doing the best he can with it ever since. Also, as this chapter would suggest, moving into Riverton was good for them and they are in a better position now than they've been in centuries.

TemptedAngelTemptedAngelover 9 years ago
Love your story!

I love your story and I love how you responded to some of the comments. I think it lends greater credibility to your characters that they are imperfect in their own ways. I also think, as a writer myself, that it is selfish for readers to suggest how you should write your story. This is your creation, your vision, and I am grateful that you care to share it with us. I don't think it's anyone's place to criticize your writing style or suggest you tell your story in a way that is more pleasing to that individual. We're all different in how we express our creativity and I think that's wonderful. That's my two cents (that's all my sense is worth these days, lol). I'm off to read Ch. 2.

hellinahelmethellinahelmetalmost 7 years ago
Good...

Good tie-in for this chapter...really glad I started your story. I´m not one to nit-pick, or look for misspelled words, dangling participles, or, to many, commas, but (sorry, had to do that)...just enjoy a good story. Thank you for your time and effort on this story, which I feel is going to make me want to figure out your outline. I will contact you again at the end of the story to give you my feed back,. I like you style.

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