All Comments on 'Marriage Material?'

by xelliebabex

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AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
*****

Good essay! Smart. Well written. I will try some of your stories.

MissPrimMissPrimover 9 years ago
Another Type to Avoid

The eternal playboy--the only part of you he wants to get to know is your intimate body parts. His talk turns to sex very early upon meeting and it seems to be the only thing on his mind. He is really only interested in satisfying one thing, and in the end is really is all about him.

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
Playboys?

I love sex with my wife, but then you are talking about the single guys who take the wham bam thank you ma'am to a whole new level. I for one tell my wife i am thankful for her wanting me in her life. Now her side of the coin she is worried that one day after having a baby i won't want her anymore. Some part of me resents that i have to keep reassuring her, but then the other small part reminds that you always ask her for reaffirmation of her love for you. It was a good essay and i am passing it on to her to see what she thinks. There is one thing i know she will worry on, that her breasts are too small compared to other woman. So that might be one thing to put on there... But i love every inch of her body, to me she is perfect match to the piece that is missing from my heart.

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
2 starz. Its almost awful.

I'm married 41 years to the same woman. I have 5 sisters, and all of them have multiple marriages hanging from their muskets. Females trade partners as often as they trade homes.

Several of my grandsons are now adults, and my advice to them is this: Prioritize your life like this; Get the training you need for the work you love, keep yourself healthy and fit, cultivate pasttimes and interests you enjoy, acquire prosperity. DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT FEMALES. IF SHE WANTS YOU SHE'LL COME GET YOU. THEYRE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR NEW FOOLS. DONT ENCOURAGE THE LOSERS. The right girl will find you, so make yourself attractive.

ham_sandwichham_sandwichover 9 years ago
Atik missed the boat!

I think Chiara Atik needed to produce some fodder to fill her space that day, and this was the result. Granted that her choices are interesting to think about, but she missed the important stuff. The foremost of which is trust. You don't have any business having a sexual relationship with a man until you know him enough to determine that he's trustworthy. And much of what she wrote is BS. Of course your man will want and need you to admire him. That is what motivates him to get up every morning and go to work, believing he has what it takes. If you really want to read something worthwhile about relationships and can stomach honest, straight talk, allow me to suggest "What Really Works With Men" by A. Justin Sterling.

SWIM21SWIM21over 9 years ago

You really nailed it about the 'man who's obsessed with his mother' usually being worse the other way around. My own mother certainly fits that bill and I've already had to tell her that as far as my relationships go (really my life in general), she can keep her damn mouth shut and stay the hell out of it. Her own mother ruined both of her marriages by constantly meddling and telling her that she could do so much better, so I've already learned to tune both of them out. It does make me sad that I have to be so stern with her, because I understand that I'm her only child and really the only person she has in her life anymore, but I am not about to let her ruin my own life worrying over hers. She knows that I'll always take care of her - but from a healthy distance. I just hope my future wife (wherever she is) can understand and accept the fact that I'm going to have to shell out a "Mom tax" for the rest of my life to keep the woman comfortable and far enough away from us to not drive us insane.

As far as the one about the guy who never lets you meet his friends, what about a guy who just doesn't have any? I mean I have acquantainces, but I don't have any close friends who I enjoy hanging out with. It's not that I'm unsociable or unpleasant, I just prefer to be alone. I do, however, worry that I won't be able to keep a woman 'entertained'. Hopefully she'll be the fun one.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
if only

it was that simple

.

xxxhugsxxx

KingCuddleKingCuddleover 6 years ago

From my Personals profile:

In a relationship I am looking for:

A wonderful woman who's foolish enough to put up with me!

If you laugh at my jokes, cook me Beef Wellington, and insist on sex constantly?

I'm already in love!! :+)))

And...responding to your inquiries...

I love my job! I'm retired. I do anything I want! Write songs and stage musicals!

I love and respect my long-deceased mother. She won't bother you at all...:+))

I need for us to like each other. Especially when waking up at 3 a.m..

Most of my friends are in my 6 monthly songwriter workshops. Come on along!?

Can I please stop being hit on by women who want to be Financially rescued...only?

If/When I have a really great song idea? Everything stops...until I write it down-sorry!

Thanks for putting up with me...it's not as easy as it seems? :+)))

Tell me about you, Ellie! :+))

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
Well written, but ridiculous categories

This is absolute sh*t, written on ONE person’s perspective.

Folks should follow these “rules” at their own risk.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 2 years ago

What about men finding the right wife? Very insecure women would see all of these traits in one guy.

No1_OfConsequenceNo1_OfConsequenceabout 2 years ago

For context, it is the spring of 2022. Russia and Ukraine have been at war for about three weeks, and COVID hysteria is finally coming to an end (mostly). Obviously many in government are trying to keep it going, but that has nothing to do with my points here.

The current dating landscape is Hell, for just about everyone.

What can be done about this? Here are some of my opinions.

First, the balance of power is thus: Women control access to sex. Men control access to relationships.

Second, the male/female dynamic is thus: She respects him/he loves her, and while the cycle may hiccup every once in a while, as long as it continues the relationship will grow and thrive.

-Men: Invest in yourself first. Get confident, be assertive, and take charge of your life. A harmless man is not a good man. Get dangerous, and control that. You need to be able to take on life in all areas, including violence.

Stop giving attention to all these thirst-trapping ladies on Instagram, TikTok, Tinder, Tumblr, and where ever else they are lurking. Stop taking criticism from "boss babes" and "modern, independent women" who are approaching 30 (or older) and have at least one divorce and kids under their belt. Yes, she may be a smoke show, but she is not going to be into you unless you're tall, have abs, and a six-figure (at least!) bank account.

Scientifically speaking, about 5% of men in any given bracket get 80% of female attention. So, work on getting into the best shape you can on every level you can. You'll be happier, healthier, more independent, and more confident.

Don't put up with toxic behavior, set boundaries, enforce those boundaries, and stick to sensible ground rules you've laid out for yourself.

Just as you don't let her play games with you, do not play games with her. Be honest, with her and yourself, and don't settle for less than what you want. This requires you to know (or at least have a really solid idea of) what you want, and communicate that effectively to a woman you're interested in having a relationship with.

DO NOT fall into the trap of the "high-value male" as described in many online outlets! The majority of it is surface-level crap that is both materialistic and unrealistic. Absolutely get your life and health in order, but leave the rest of that toxic crap alone.

The Hot/Crazy Matrix is real, and you should keep those priciples in mind.

-Ladies: Society has spent the last 60 years (in some ways 110 or so years) or so lying to you. Straight up lying, and doing it with purpose and passion to manipulate you for various ends.

Many of the women behind the original Cosmopolitan magazine have come out and admitted it with great regret and are begging for forgiveness.

What lies, you ask?

-Lie number one: You're a victim and male-driven society has spent forever keeping you down because "The Patriarchy!"

What makes this a lie? Crack open a history book NOT written by a Communist/Socialist, and you'll see that women are the drivers of civilization, progress, and culture. Women civilize men, because men want a familiy and to pass on their genes. Men can not do this without the cooperation of women, and thus the balance of power throughout Western Civilization came to be. Our current modern world was built by men for the benefit of women and children.

If you'd like to experience what a real patriarchy is like, I can suggest Saudi Arabia, Iran, Afghanistan, Mali, Bangladesh, and many other garden spots for your enjoyment. Travel at your own very considerable risk!

Yes, there are men who treat women poorly. There is an entire pop culture segment based on treating women like so many slabs of meat and being proud of it. And perversely women are participating in this as well! They make a tidy profit doing so too! The lie that society is out to get women and oppress them remains a lie.

-Lie number two: You can have just as much fun as a man "hooking up" and no one can judge you!

This is a lie for a few reasons. Reason one is that a man looking for a wife isn't looking to go where everyone has gone before. Reason two is that women won't like you around their potential dating pool and REALLY won't like you around their men. Reason number three is that is most cases you will end up not having a very high opinion of yourself. It's all fun and games in your twenties, but being all alone at thirty plus, as all the guys you had fun with pick any other girl but you and the party scene still focuses on the twenty somethings that are better looking and more nubile than you are, isn't a lot of fun. TikTok and other spaces are full of these women, and some of them are very pretty, but will remain alone.

Reason number four is your basic human female nature. Women were not built mentally and emotionally for casual sex, and healthy women recognize this.

-Lie number three: Toxic behavior is empowering! Yasss Queen!!

No. Just so much nope. The "Golden Rule" applies, as do the laws of attraction. If you feel a sense of enjoyment at belittling others, behaving like a Junior Highschool bully, or generally acting like an entitled jerk, you will get what you deserve. Left alone to rot with your tribe of semi feral cats and a Tumblr blog.

-Lie number four: A woman's value is best represented by her accomplishments compared to men.

No. Women, by every survey metric available, are less happy today in 2022 than their grandmothers were. And it isn't even close. Why is that?

Well, let's examine a few things. First, as women were thrust forward from the 1960s onward, men were held back. <Fun thought experiment, go to any retailer of your choice selling clothing for girls and women. Look at the messaging on the girls' clothes, and the messaging on the graphic tees and sweatshirts sold to women. Now do the same thing for me. Note the difference?>

Moving on, women now make up the majority of college graduates and the majority of post-college graduate degree holders. As the emphasis on accomplishment outside the home grows, the dating pool a woman will consider shrinks.

A paralegal making less than a plumber still will not consider dating said plumber. Because of the perceived status difference (high status of a "white collar" office job vs the low percived status of a "blue collar" working with your hands job) she considers him a step down from an accountant or a junior law partner. This is leading to a lot of frustrated professionally and financially accomplished men, lonely professional "boss babes" and is ultimately bad for society as a whole.

This leads us to..

-Lie number five: A stay at home mom is a waste of a good woman!

This is a REALLY big lie. Huge. It has lead to the destruction of many families broken up by divorce, leading to apathetic men and bitter women. Let us examine why.

Men and women are different. We think differently, we communicate differently and we place value on things differently. A woman will work an eight hour day, then will come home to take care of dinner, the kids, and other various tasks. A man will work those same eight hours and come home and do... pretty much nothing. Yes, there are men that will cook, clean, take care of kids, etc. But they are rare and are MORE likely to have their spouse divorce them (statistically speaking) because of the dynamics stated above. She loses her respect for him when he's compared to Chad on a motorcycle with a five o clock shadow. The fact that our man doing housework is doing EXACTLY WHAT A LOT OF SOCIETY tells him he should be doing is irrelevant. She will divorce him. Meanwhile, our man that comes home and doesn't do much is ALSO destined for divorce. Because his wife will resent him "doing nothing" while she toils away with the house and the kids. After all, she works to! She is told she is awesome, and a "boss babe!" and likely to be promoted ahead of her male peers at work thanks to EEO and affirmative action. So why must she put in all the work at home too?

Because men and women value things on a different scale. Men will usually have a higher wage job than their female spouses. (See the perceived status gap above.) This leads men to feel that by "bringing home the bacon" as it were, he has done his duty as a husband and father. He has provided. He also does not think that homemaking tasks are difficult nor time consuming. This is for a variety of reasons, but the more high stress and demanding his job is, the less likely he is to view domestic tasks as worthy endeavors that should be given consideration. Thus the cycle of love and respect is broken.

In this COVID world, many women have had to stay home for a variety of different reasons. This has led to the rediscovery of satisfaction that being a homemaker can bring a woman. Her husband can rely on her. She spends time with her children, not just hustling them off to their latest activity or pawning them off to daycare.

The other thing that has become clear is that most of, if not all, her "extra salary" is consumed by the effort of making it in the majority of cases. Her car, clothes, childcare, maid, gas, convenience foods, and other expenses eat up her take home pay and then some. To say nothing of putting her family in a higher tax bracket.

Am I saying that a stay at home mom is better than a career woman? No. But her odds of being happy are far higher. So are her odds of staying married.

-Lie number six: You don't have to work at it, love will find you when you're ready!

I think that a woman who wants a relationship should plan for it. What do you want? What do you need? I mean really need, not what Hallmark has pushed on you. Next, think about your compromises. Looks? His career choices? Politics? Religion? These are all things that can make or break your prospects.

Date strategically. Also, check out your "friend zone" where all the decent guys seem to end up. Be realistic. If you're "plus size", but think you're destined for a chiseled gym rat, you're going to be disappointed. If you get to be sexy at plus size, he gets to be sexy with a dad bod too.

That "nice guy" you have been ignoring? He'll probably rock your world.

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G'day, Well, 2022 was much of the same. Although it seems Amazon is getting better at shutting down the thieves. I know I should take it as a compliment that my stories are worth stealing, but it's just frigging annoying. I sincerely thank the readers who alert me when they f...