All Comments on 'Subway Girl Ch. 13'

Well that all ended abruptly. I feel like this all was rushed and the back half of the story and the epilogue was crammed into one chapter, certainly not what I expected.

Thank you for such a great story. I've loved every chapter and I look forward to reading your next story.

Thank you for sharing this with us and for the feeling that went into it. I am looking forward to your next endeavor. I have some experience dealing with people with many different issues and understand the journey.

When will we be able to read the first chapter of "Flower Girl"?

I waited every Friday/Saturday for new chapters to be uploaded and I was never disappointed. Ray was such a joy to read, and his blossoming relationship with the world around him was so different and unique but undoubtedly wonderful. I can't thank you enough for this story, DonnaBeck!

Just thank you for an informative but also entertaining read. I hope that you keep writing and will watch out for your next story!

This was a good story. It was hot and fun. I really enjoyed reading it. It also was one of the rare stories on literotica that I feel truly touched me. I've never lived through anything quite like your characters, but I still found myself really relating to, and investing in them. Thank you for this art.

Why are you so cruel!? I wanted to know about Tracy and William!

I was hooked since the first chapter and waited every week just to read the next installment. Thank you for such a great story. - Some Random Reader.

Thank you for such a wonderful story, so much of it real and emotional.

If you were looking to reach inside of your readers hearts and minds then...well done!

Can't wait for more submissions from a very talented writer.

C

Great story and thanks for the explanation at the end. Five stars for sure.

Hey thanks for the great story, I've been in a really dark place for a while, i really enjoyed the characters and this was something I looked forward too every week and that helped me get through it, wierd as that may be. awesome job, please keep writing ! :)

xxxhugsxxx

TwistedOliver.

p.s

thanks for the ride ,

will be checking your profile once each month for new storys.

i hope " flower girl " makes it.

godbless & be well

Impressive.

Than you,

M1*****

Seems like you either ran out of interest in the story or were stuck for an ending. The twist made the story much better than if all had been clear from the beginning but I think your epilogue comment about the purpose of the story seems off the mark. The reveal happened half way through, and the story from then on was about their emerging independence and growing relationship. None of that was really resolved. You could summarize chapter 13 as "and they lived happily ever after as far as we know". This story begs for a better conclusion.

That said, this was a great story, better than 99% of anything on Lit. I looked forward to each new chapter on Saturday morning. Keep it up.

If we are lucky you will revisit this story.

Anonymous Andy

Every week I was eager to see the updates. U r a gifted writer . Plz continue your writings. they are generating positive vibes BTW by any chance you r Libra?

Neo

I can't believe how addicted I became to Saturday mornings - I was going to say 'in a good way!', and I suppose it was, but actually thinking about I became very dependant on this story being there on Saturday mornings, and then when it wasn't.... Maybe you should mix it up a little next time!

From your story I guess we can expect a story about Flower Girl - I'm really looking forward to that, but I hope not too obsessively ;)

Thanks again, it was a fantastic story to read, and you wrote it so sensitively

It had to end somewhere, sometime and this was a neat wrap-up, including the background "extras." From the start this has been an exceptional journey and the high standard of writing and plotting was first class. Donna, be proud of what you achieved and all the praise you earned and received.

I didn't begin reading until you posted the last chapter, and once I started reading I only stopped to sleep a few hours before I got up to read it to the end.

I loved it. This was definitely top level writing. I don't read romance much, and I really didn't care about any of the issues or details of the story, but that first hug, that fearless, intimate touch from one soul to another in the quiet of a personal moment that created its own silent bubble amid the tumult of a NYC subway station was mesmerizing and irresistible.

What stood out for me above all else was the reality of these characters. This story was itself like that first hug--it connected your experience and imaginary world to my soul in a very powerful and life-affirming way.

Keep writing. Write both free and recompensed fiction. It will help make part of the world a better, more loving place.

I admit I am one who hates to see a good thing end, but all things must at some point come to a conclusion. I see that this was the story of Ray and Alicia coming to terms with their individual frailties and learning to deal with them and with each other. Beautifully written and conceived from start to finish. I apologize for being late to the "comments" party but sometime RL gets in the way. You did a remarkable job in this series and I am pleased to have been about to read it, I feel as if I have been entertained and taught and will take some time to understand the full meaning of this work, kind of like letting a good wine sit in your mouth and taking the full measure of the various flavors before swallowing - so thank you for this vintage! - Kevin

I just read this entire story in less than 24hrs and I am just blown away by the remarkable treasure that was painted before my eyes. My eyes are filled and heart is heavy by the emotional connection I have with these two strangers and their journeys.

I'm at a lost to explain how raw and vulnerable I feel right now...

God bless you.

I thought the last chapter was a little skimpy, especially with the amount of detail that was in the rest of them, but it was still good. I'm glad you kept the idea that getting better is an ongoing thing, and that Alicia wasn't magically well.

Very good, and I hope to see more from you.

This series was amazing. This story could be a class on how to develop character and also backstory driving character.

That being said, I agree with those who have mentioned how the ending felt forced or rushed. Something about it feels artificially truncated. I would have liked to hear about Ray's therapy instead of a 1 paragraph summary. Fallout from the therapy fight would have been interesting, and important, as well.

I guess that's what happens when you create loved characters. We never really want to let them go.

Thank you for all your kind comments on my story and for those of you that are unsatisfied with the ending, please read my updated Biography.

Man, I got so much joy from reading this. The thing I love the most is the clever way the character flaws are brought to the surface and enrich the story. Would have liked to read about the camping and proposal, but maybe Flower Girl can help with that!

Thanks for sharing this fantastic story!

I did post 5's for all 13 chapters but held off to the last chapter to comment on the complete story. First this story changed directions and took off in and unexpected direction which worked to make this a very good story with a purpose. That purpose being being to enlighten the readers about the problems and health issues caused by eating disorders.

George in Omaha

I get where people are coming from with their comments about the ending, but I think they have it all backwards. It's not that there's anything wrong with the ending, which was a good, solid resolution with a lot to say. It was true to the characters, it maintained the sense of humor that kept the story from being too dark, and it struck a note of optimism that the world really needs.

I think the real issue is that the opening few chapters were so extraordinary that the rest of the story suffers in comparison. The later chapters are some of the best writing I've read on Literotica, but the opening chapters are remarkable even for work out in the world of "real," published fiction. I was so pulled into those chapters that I saw virtually no flaws whatsoever, which is rare for me no matter what I'm reading.

Congratulations on a sharp and ambitious piece of writing. I'm really looking forward to "Flower Girl."

I don't know who to attribute it to, but, there is a quote that fit this story quite well: True love always costs. Whether it is time, money, emotional support, or physical love or all of the above! The true test is if it's done willingly and unconditionally sans any ulterior motive other than to receive love in return. Oh, wait! I said that. This story is all that! Thank you DonnaBeck!

nice to read a story with a great set of descriptions of the characters.

I've never posted anything on any story, and I've probably read hundreds on this site. Just a remarkable story, written exquisitely and with incredible realism. Very well done.

Well done, well-realized characters, very sweet and honestly touching. Brilliant.

I read flower girl first, took me a while to get the two stories linking to each other. Too focused on the story and the writing. I love the writing, the fullness of the characters, how Alicia was slowly revealed. I laughed and I cried. And I guess the author may have some resemblance to our flower stall owner. Well done be proud of your ART

I found your first installment of Flower Girl last night. Great, I thought, a short read to finish the evening. I didn't make the connection with Ray and Alicia, but figured that would come later. Then one of the comments mentioned Subway Girl, so I had to take a look. Thirteen chapters-my gosh. Well, I'll read one or two...

I had to stop at the hospital scene in Chapter 8. I couldn't stay awake and alert any longer and this looked to a be a climatic part of the story.

Continued reading in the morning with my first cup of coffee. I was so engrossed that I was late for an errand I had to run. Finished the story when I got back and saw how you neatly tied it to your Flower Girl series.

I would like to see a followup '5 years later' chapter-it doesn't have to be a 'happily ever after', but maybe how some of the family issues turn out.

Your handling of two problems in our society was very well done. With resolve, understanding, and the love/support of another, these can be overcome.

So why the title? You made me continue reading way longer than I intended last night, and I am now hooked on you and the forthcoming Flower Girl stories. I just finished chapter 2 right before writing this and I'll checking for chapter 3 (and beyond). Please take it in the spirit it was intended; one of admiration for your talent.

Thank you for sharing this beautiful story with us

Tony NZ

"I must know more about the beautiful soul who was able to conceive such an intriguing story, and then deliver it with such mastery and aplomb."

Some how you managed to write my comment even better than I could!

Thank you for this series, very warm and true.

i was hoping the ending to connect with the start of the series, like how good thing happens,however its just a thought though

thanks again.

RT

This could have gone on for the 18 chapters you had previously suggested.

One thing that was offputting in this chapter was the "Ray needs therapy" bit. It pushed me out of the flow, and really killed the whole chapter for me. Still, an excellent story. I'm looking forward to "Flower Girl".

This series sets a new standard. It's such a moving beautiful story of two damaged yet worthy people who we root for passionately. Redemption is the highest theme in literature. You present it so wondrously.

I really liked them... hopefully together

I read "Flower Girl" first but I liked this story better because I felt Ray and Alicia were real people struggling with real world problems.

A great story -- 5*

I read flower girl first and that was a five star story right up until the final chapter and then you lost me with the ending or all lack of, you left it up to the imagination of your readers..I did leave a comment at the end . I was a bit apprehensive to read Subway Girl after the ending you gave Flower Girl, but I said what the heck and started reading it. I thought this was a better story another five star story BUT but once again you lost me with the ending. You seem to have got bored with the whole story and rushed the ending far too quickly. I have to agree with some of the comments that were left, the story could've easily went for another three or four chapters or perhaps more to finish this story of properly ( END OF STORY ) but instead you added and epilogue, he wanted to do that , he thought about asking, did he ask her father for her hand in marriage ? did they marry your New York did they marry at all or even worst did she relapse , all you did at the ended was what ? Another flower girl ending. I noted that you started writing 2014 and this is first of two stories going by the dates posted that you've written. Both brilliantly written I may add, loved the stories but disappointed with the both endings I certainly hope this is not a trend that you're setting, give us a happy ending in your next story you write. I can't wait to read it....

It took me awhile to realize the linkage of your stories. I wish I read subway girl first as it seem to set up Flower Girl and Runner Girl.

You tie them together nicely and I am certain this is very difficult. You are very talented and maybe should approach Amazon to see if you can publish the three inter-related stories. MEMORABLE EVENT(ANOTHER LIT WRITER) just had his story THANK GOD FOR IRISH WOMEN put on kindle.

Loved you characters but felt robbed by the epilogue. I still feel that fight is long from over for Aelicia. These things supply drama every day and basically I do feel that the author's original story plan is much closer to the probable outcome. But even authors like happy endings for their characters.

Okay, first, I read this as you were posting, then forgot to return until now. My apologies.

You captured New York very well, and I enjoyed the romance, which was nicely balanced. More "real life" than a romance, actually, so kudos!

Of course I want more, and look, there are two more series! One with a cute nerdy librarian! (I'm a non-traditional librarian, but not as self-esteemed as William. Can' twait to read that story!)

So, now you did it. I read the series. Couldn't stop until I was done. Just an FYI about me. I am a recovering addict/alcoholic. So I get a lot of your story in a highly personal way. At one point, I was homeless. I have two children who at 25 and 23 are just now, no longer homeless.

I said, now you did it. I cried at least four times reading this story. It is so believable and so true to life. If someone tells you different, they are in denial. You have a genuine gift and I find myself having to ask when you will assemble a book and get it published, because I want to read it. After three hours of reading tonight. I am emotionally and physically exhausted, so I am going to bed. I am sure Runner Girl will be another straight read. And I will say it again...

Thank you for sharing your talent and stories with us. You are incredible and I love your heart and soul.

I read Flower Girl before Subway Girl so now I see the method to your character story progression. Lovely and we'll done, what is foreshadowing in one reading is flashback in the order I read it. Can't wait to read more.

As for the complaints that you don't tie these stories up with a bow, I am of mixed mind. I love a happy ending as much as the next guy, but as you say in Flower Girl, their story is not done.

I much prefer what you are doing and should the muse alight we'll hear more about Ray and Alicia and William and Trudy someday.

I have a terrible memory, I think reading helps. I look forward to reading Runner girl. Ray was my best character he really pulled himself out of a bad place. Our life is the best story and how we intermingle with everone else. Impossible for me to tell that story. You have written a couple of nice stories here. For me everything is compaired to Madmen, the best tv ever, and great story similair to your own. A story of peoples interactions some good, some bad, some just tolerable. Don Draper appered to have everthing, but I think he was miserable.

I've copied your book list and I'm going to try holding a book made of paper!

I like this website, but need to get away from some of the crazy ideas of sex.Thanks for a good story. R.L.

Very well written. The problems Alicia faced were and are a death sentence to anyone who has this malady. Very difficult to overcome. It will be a life long struggle, but can be overcome.

This is my second time through your New York Trilogy and I love it even more this time reading in in the proper order. The drama, the humor, the characters, and the sex are outstanding. This is a jewel!

Thank you for sharing this story, so good to read such a positive uplifting tale.

OMG. you were going to have Alicia break Ray's heart. Thank goodness you changed your mind.. I would have been devastated after 13 chapters.

Off to runner girl now. Hoping for triple date with Amy/John, William/Tracy, and Ray/Alicia, and the engagement announcement

Thanks for great tales.

Exponentially amazing story. Well done, well written, well told.

and that this series is only the first in a wonderful trilogy

the ending sends me forward in anticipation rather than bother me.

From here DonnaBeck continues leading us through this intriguing cast of seeming misfits by focusing on Tracy the - Flower Girl.

So, do not despair, the saga continues. I just wish the author would put a notice at the start of Flower Girl and Runner Girl to suggest the reader start the trilogy at the beginning. It flows so much nicer in sequence. Subway - Flower - Runner

"his daughter had hugged a guy out of near homelessness"

One of the most wonderful stories I've read on Lit! Highly recommended, Five Stars!

Can't wait to read your others. Thank you.

This story is simply incredible. I don't know polite words to describe what I was looking for when I encountered "Subway Girl" but your work completely blindsided me. I intended to spend fifteen minutes on this site before bed and was instead sweept away on night long emotional journey.

I wish I could better articulate how moving your story was, all I can really say is thank you for sharing this piece of art with us.

... and now I can finally go to bed because I have finished this series. Simply brilliant.

A must read. 👍

It's one of the best stories I've read here on literotica.com

So damn good and powerful!

This brought back so many memories of me failing with an ex fiancé who was anorexic. To this day (30 years on) I still regret that I couldn't fix her, and your writing helped me in some way heal knowing that I couldn't and she needed to want to be fixed. I have been had tears rolling down my checks more that once reading your wonderful, intense story. Please add more chapters, there is so much more to write.

Thank you

I appreciated reading the questions from your editor, but there was one thing you missed; at least it was a line in the dialogue that I felt was very powerful. That line was spoken by William when he told Alicia why why he discarded the 4.0 librarian candidates from his selection list because he didn’t like to deal with driven people (Im paraphrasing). I saw that as a moment when the lights came on I Alicia’s head, and it came to be a prime motivating factor, because she didn’t need to be perfect to be loved. I would even say that she was reminded of that again when she became competitive in her running. Loved this story. I’m looking forward to the last one. Hope you write more.

I started reading your story on a whim and nearly stopped as it seemed somewhat depressing. I am so pleased that I continued. An uplifting story but with some gritty realism. It was such a treat to read a proper story, with well rounded, interesting characters, serious issues but with enough lighthearted moments to make me invest my time. The sex was an integral part, not just tacked on to get the readers attention.

I found the writing style really easy and yet professional. A little rushed towards the end and I was expecting more. Nevertheless, very, very enjoyable, a worthy 9/10.

Loved the characters! Loved the story! Loved the fact it wasn't complicated by some third person. Alicia's past habits were disconcerting but I guess that must happen in real life and it has given me some base on which I can relate to people suffering from similar disorders in real life if I ever meet one. That is the true beauty of this story. I honestly had never heard about such problems. Ray's rise from near homelessness to a steady worker/supervisor was believable and neat. There were so many side characters and their arc was written superbly. Donna if you haven't written any novels/scripts then what are you doing!! Many view this website similar to a porn site. But it's not! It's where you find the future stars in the Literary and maybe Entertainment world! Writers like you make spending time on this site worth the while and much more!

Thank you for sharing this story!! ;-)

I'm not a professional writer or critic, but I know what I like & you held my interest w/ your story. To be totally honest, I don't come to this website to read 'stories', I want to read about sex & porn. You get the idea I'm sure, so for me to read all 13 chapters should tell you something. I enjoyed your characters also. Thanks for the enjoyment.

This was a great story, the ups and downs were amazingly well written. I can always tell it's a good story when I get frustrated with a character I like, I liked Ray, a lot, but he was an insensitive asshole a lot and it was so frustrating, but also really highlighted how a lot of people who don't have experience with mental Illness react to people with mental Illness.

The only downside id say after reading two of your stories, is the pacing/time skips can be a little discombobulating. Like it's Tuesday and then all of a sudden it's been 6 weeks and you don't even really realize it.

Other than that one preferential thing it's an absolute top notch romance story.

Lovely story, had to consume it in one sitting. My back hurts, but my heart feels fulfilled. Thank you.

So today I learned that I have unresolved anger issues too!

Great story and great writing.

If you are still reading the comments…I agree with others that this seemed to wrap up very quickly after chapters of details. Nice foray into the world of eating disorders.

Really loved this story. You can say I am a sucker for Romance. But hey who isn't.

I would love to see a spin off story between Tracy and William. Both seem to be interesting characters who deserve a story of their own.

Excellent story and writing. Thoroughly enjoyed it. Thank you 5 * all the way

Evolutionary of Ray's personal development. Dismay at sunny, bubbly Alicia's blackmore of insecurity. What a cross to bear versus Ray's shame and humiliation of being a discarded outcast, both by his dad and poverty.