All Comments on 'Confused Ch. 02'

This chapter was all over the place. Has potential but need some work.

I'm not sure what to think. I do believe the first chapter was better.

Looking forward to ch.3...hopefully it will be focused and less scattered

I understand Jayden's not being completely honest but she's just being a user she should of just made up her mind to end things I hope kayden doesnt get hurt in the end.

Hmmm ah ok, I have to agree with the others it's a bit jumbled. But I'm sure you can pull it together. Side note please don't let the intruder be Nick.

Hmmm, Kayden on the floor 'exausted' at Rochelle's, is Rochelle's Kay's sister? What Nick have that Kayden didn't, money I guess? Ch1 was great, ch2 was OK but its all over the place by the 2nd page. Love the assassination part. I like Kayden though.

Who is the intruder? Kayden is hot and so is Nick but who to choose? I hate that Morgani is doing this to herself and most importantly Kayden. I wish he would tell her what he does maybe if he did she would love him really love him! I can't wait for the next chapter. Love you

I think Kayden is adorable. In a murder-for-hire, homicidal, suicidal, virginal type way. Lol! A murderer who loses his virginity with someone he sincerely loves....Morgani. How special is that! LOL! This is interesting. I really like Kayden's character actually more than Morgani's. I don't know if you are writing it like that or not, but in this chapter, it seems to me that his character is a bit more interesting and enticing and the others are there as "mcguffins" just to move the story along. In some places, I got a bit confused about who is talking because sometimes it seems like the author is narrating what is happening and then in the same sentence it seems like the character is narrating. Nonetheless, I am hooked! Can't wait to see who the intruder is! Keep writing!

I agree with the last 2 comments. Your story is kind of all over the place. Ch. 1 was okay (Everyone needs an editor, especially me). Ch. 2 only confused me with Kayden being an assassin. Then he wants sex on the kitchen table? That just seemed out of character for Kayden, you painted him as some devout chastity toting guy. He wouldn't finger her, but he'll eat her out on the kitchen table his first time. Not plausible. That level of freakiness has to be worked up to for a first timer.

I hope you don't mind this constructive criticisms; but First, you keep changing POV (point of view), like who is telling the story? First Person (Morgani, Nick, and/ or Kayden) or Third Person (you, the narrator)?

Second, you gave some details of a shortly lived character's interactions, whose mostl likely only purpose in the story was to emphasize another character's (Kayden, [whom I am sure is not the male lead character] secret vocation).

Third, it would help the story flow better, if you gave some background on each character as you introduce them to your audience, we (well I do) like to get the feel of their personality. To be honest, after you mentioned Sarah from the penthouse party, I thought she and Morgani were best buds and after mentioning the so-so relationship of her and Kayden, I assumed he was on his way out of the story.

Well I've said a lot, didn't mean to, but your story has a lot of potential. Also, keep in mind, to and too (as in 'also'). Your story feels rushed. I like the direction of your tale. I will reiterate.... could you not change POV mid paragraph? Oh, and plz 4give any of my typos as well. lol

Yet another so called writer on this site that DOESN'T finish a story.

Omg where is part 3!!!! This is so good