All Comments on 'Jen and Mike Ch. 19'

Much more interesting for the reader than the often convolted efforts of X who never seems to be able to provide a plausible plot line. Look forward to your future efforts.

You just have too much exposition in the first 4 pages for my liking.

You could get away with it with some of your shorter chapters, but way too much telling us how people feel with thoughts or speech and not enough showing us.

I don't need 2 paragraphs repeating what has happened in the previous 18 chapters and why Jenny feels this way or repeating what Jenny will do with allie and scott or repeating over and over about cherie and stacie.

I don't know if you felt you had to do this to make up for the big gap in chapters but it really took me out of the story with all the exposition and covering old ground.

In the future it would be nicer to keep that story lean and focused IMHO, let the reader use their imagination sometimes to fill in non-critical gaps. If you have to use descriptions find a way to do it naturally within the context of the story. If someone is going to do something let it flow naturally instead of the boring exposition.

That said I like where the story is going and how it is progressing, just my nitpicks in a stream of thought manner.

There were too many over the top descriptions in the initial pages but you do make a story and plot work.

Keep it going if you so desire.

In my last comment I said I was looking forward to the next chapter. You didn't disappoint. Thank you!

I enjoyed this chapter very much. It's well written as usual. You succeed to portray the characters in a believable way. You also seem to have cut back a little on the humiliation thing. Either that or you're more successful to remind the reader it's only a game.

The sex scenes are graphic and leave little to be desired. However, they are sometimes interrupted by long side tracks. I don't mind a bit of side tracking in a long story with as much sex as this, but there were occasions where I felt it was distracting and ruining the mood. Rolling out a past memory during a sex session tends to do that.

However, I am 'complaining on a high level', if translating this German idiom makes any sense at all. All in all, reading this was a pleasure. The love and lust between both pairs of mothers and daughters was well portrayed and wonderful to read. Keep it up!

Koriander

This has been the best chapter so far. Just amazing. Spicy and naughty. Loved Jesse's metamorphosis into this confident leader. Hope she carries it on in her regular life at home and not just when they are playing.

REALLY HOT!!!!!

Just one comment, the moment when Mike tells Jenny he will not stand any rule breaking, I think does not go with his character....

Hope you will post the next chapter soon. Can't wait to read more abt jesse and scott and jenny and what happens to Mike...

Loved the cuckolding scenes...better than the original characters.

Its been 3 weeks...hope the next chapter will be up soon.