All Comments on 'You're an Adult'

by Ashson

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  • 4 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
This was my take on it...

Your style is a little all over the place. You use too many words to describe things that could be said simply... or you say them backwards in an awkward manner.

"Why don't you step inside for a moment," I said, trying my best to put a wolf-sized bite in my voice." Why not just say... I bit out wolfishly? It's less awkward. There were so many instances of similar phrases that it was difficult to enjoy. If little things like that were fixed it would make a world of difference. Just my take on it.

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
completely disagree

I love the way you craft the sentences so intelligently. I enriches the characters and the story. It's what makes your stories so engaging and entertaining.

medjpbmedjpbover 9 years ago
Loved story

I hope you can write further stories about Stella. As a character she deserves to have more of her adventures and education told

ramonbrookramonbrookover 9 years ago
Loved the story but

Is anybody really that stupid?

Would really like to read more about Stella!

Anonymous
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