All Comments on 'Saving Sarah'

1* for 'cummed'.

Interesting grammatical point. Since "cum" is not a verb known to the English language the past tense could be anything. Logically, "cummed" seems right, as in I cum, I cummed, I have cummed. Think of "strum". I strum, I strummed, I have strummed.

Not to be confused with "come", of course.

Believable meet-cute. Please write more. The professors of fine literature critiquing your grammar and spelling will be ever helpful. AND PLEASE IGNORE THE TROLLS!

Everybody makes mistakes in life and she was lucky enough to find a savior. Nice story and a good ending.

Is a perfect description of this woman.

her husband is in financial difficulties And this is how his "loving" wife stands by him.Some people would consider he to be a slut!

She was stupid and a cheater...Stupid - for not have divorced the slob husband as soon as she didn't loved him any more...Cheater because still married become a whore for a job with a married man that only cared to fuck and impregnate her. Her last thought was for us to laugh a lot: "I'm sure he'll know the baby isn't his. But I'm not worried. Jordan will take care of that.".. Is she waiting her lover will assume her? He is married, and as soon as he get tired of her she will find herself alone...bad story...

there is always a price in the coin of the realm, TK U MLJ LV NV

Once again the BTB crowd makes an LW story into a morality play.

Guys: It's fiction (you do know what fiction is, don't you?)

The author has created a situation in which the woman if she divorced her husband would be left the sole support of herself and two kids. She chose not to do that. Worst case now the new guy gives her the boot - but he's well able to pay child support, provide health insurance, and the like. In the meantime her standard of living and that of her children goes up. Sounds like a bright move - I take that the BTB crowd doesn't object to her children having a better life - with no foreseeable downside other than being where she had been already.

So, just because it's fiction comments on logic, reason, plot, etc, are not allowed? "It's fiction" is a very superficial and simplistic way of deflecting criticism. The very things you are against are the essence of criticism.

<P>

Are you saying you've never watch a movie, play, TV show and had a "wait a minute" moment, never criticized ANYTHING about the story? That must be, or your comments make no sense at all.

yes, a story yes, written by an idiot yes, comments that defend against others comments yes, people allow to make their comments yes.

The guy will never marry the slut and when he gets tired of her used pussy he will dump her stupid ass, not erotic, just a little twisted.

Why?

Really enjoyed this one. Sorry nay Sayers it is fiction, good place to visit from time to time. Nice detail good reality check on the court room and the case.. Thanks

Hard to be interested in a story with characters that arouse no interest. He expends a few minutes a legal maneuvering and she pays with her marriage and her body, for the rest of her life. Willingly. Just a boring story about stupid selfish people with no real plot or resolution. Do they even care about each other? What was the point of this story? Just to create a stroke scene?

If ever a woman was justified, this was it. What kind of husband leaves his wife to go to court alone to deal with a sticky financial issue that's BOTH of their responsibilities? Fuck him (the bastard husband figuratively) and fuck him (the attorney literally). All good by me.... L

Well-written and original. I appreciate you making a positive contribution to the site. I didn't really care for the pregnancy angle to this story, but to each his own. I hope that you continue to write, as you have a talent for it.

While I was hoping to hear more talk of grammar and coherence, with maybe some suggestions on the action, I appreciate everyone's comments.

Who knew that there were so many morality police reading porn stories? It's porn: by definition, designed to stimulate and gratify the desires of the individual.

I take it as praise that the negative comments are all Anonymous. I can see how some of the characters are underdeveloped. I'll edit and resubmit in a few weeks, maybe.

Much better description of Bull than Sweetie ... heck, even Hubby (from whom we haven't heard) is described better. May be kinda irrelevant since she is the narrator.

Do not be discouraged. Write more and refine your story. Slow down and add more detail. The old remodeled home turned office was great. The court scene was great. Details, details. Let the story tell you where to go. Good job.

yes, it is fiction. yes, it is on Lit. but, she is living her own fantasy in someone else's world. she believes her married high school boyfriend will take care of her at the risk of losing his law practice, his model-perfect-wife and sons, and his status in society. soon, very soon, reality will come crashing down around her.

Enjoyable story and believable, the successful lawyer with the model wife wanting sex with an earth mother, particularly one he once had a happy history with. As for Sarah, this is so much better than her shitty world, even if it has an unhappy ending. However, she believes, and I do too, that she and the kid will be looked after without any fuss. So she won't rock the boat and, I guess, nor will the less than useless cuckold.

Note, you used some nonexistent words, such as "thrusted".

maybe the Facebook wife was just for show and he didn't really have a wife..... good read..

I read it and enjoyed it. Gave it a five.

I liked your comment about the anonymous moralistic comments on a porn site.

Was our heroine a slut? Maybe she was, maybe not. I hope she gets pregnant. I'd like to see how her worthless asshole husband copes.

You want some advice about writing? Go the LW Hall of Fame, and read the top fifty stories. Don't just read them for their plots but for the grammar, pacing, and character development. Read the comments they get.

Read some older female fiction like Kathleen Woodiwiss or Rosemary Rogers. They're old but when they describe sex scenes they never use any of the 'code words'.

Don't rewrite this story. Move on. Use spell check, if the word's red or green change it. You won't see words like cumming ever get a pass.

Last, you gave me a free read! It was fun. Thanks!

And this is a story about them.

Fuckin A, this author can write up a storm. By the time she was in her glory I was ready to let the green-eyed demon lawyer slip ME the shaft - and I am completely pussyless :))

Bravo.

if he cared about you wouldn't be his secretary, you be his wife and not about to become an ex-wife with a bastard child and about to be unemployed.

That quote should go into the Literotica Unintentionally Ironic Hall of Fame.

In spite of the typical Literotica description of human anatomy (abs rubbing against clit/womb gripped his cock), this story wasn't terrible.

You write quite well. Do you have a background in the legal profession? You paint your scenes with details that most authors would not grasp. Keep writing (and don't listen to the losers who post on these boards).

It is a pity the impressive writing skills displayed in this submission were used to tell the story of a resentful, cheating slut and an opportunitistic, preening manwhore. It would have been painful to see that same talent used to tell the story of the birth of their bastard child. The title is misleading. Sarah was not saved, but at least for some reason LW was spared any more development of this distasteful story line.

Good writing. Terrible main character. Self serving and faithless.