The Best Erotic Stories.

Einstein - (Breast, Vagina, Penis)
by Softly

Einstein solved the mystery of space, energy, light, relativity, but he was reduced to a state of humble depression when Princeton University requested that he focus his mind on solving the mystery of the effect on man of the woman's breast, a woman's vagina, and the relative worth of a man's penis.

Literotica has advised me that every one of their contributing writers has a Ph.D. in one of the "Rocket Sciences", except me. So I was challenged to examine the writings to find a subject for my dissertation.

In a moment of Divine inspiration, I noted that many creative adjectives were used to describe a man's inspection of a woman's breast, and its effect on the man. Woman's vaginas were depicted as though they were wet paper bags that would be or were destroyed by the onslaught of the man's penis, yet could electrify both men and woman with pleasure, and lastly, that men's penis were depicted as white hot steel poles, of massive proportion, underhung by two diamonds. As a scientist, I was determined to examine the facts of these statements, as well as related factors. Since I was a woman, I felt that I needed a male to balance the prospective of the testing parameters. Dr. I. M. Kooky, an expert in everything, joined the project and arranged the Federal funding.

We dressed up a Sharon Stone look alike woman, adorned with real size "D" breasts in a red Demi platform bra, red velvet dress that showed 90% of the upper half of her breasts, and red stockings and shoes. We had her enter a room with twenty-five collage boys wired to determine the electrical brain current generated by her. Dr. Kooky had utilized the same machines used to determine why computers crash. When she bent over to adjust her stockings, which fully displayed her swaying chestual protrusions, ever machine registered a total crash of mind activity. Further tests found, that like hypnotized persons, she could ask for anything, anything at all, and the boys would give it to her. Only when another woman had allowed a boy unlimited access to her vagina, was the "breast effect" not a determining factor in a relationship. Strangely, when men marry, it was found that the size of a woman's breast was not a factor in his selection of the woman. Rationalization of this led us to believe that by the time he is ready to marry, he knows that once she is on her back, a woman's breasts, if larger then a "B," cup slide under her arm pits.

The University of Vermont is America's Number one party school. Dr. Kooky and I examined a random sampling of one thousand Senior woman. We did not find one woman that had a damaged vagina. 100% of the woman could take a 7" male. 95% could take a 8" male. 83% could take 9". 72% could take 10". 46% could take 11". 22% could take 12". 7% could take 13". The "could take" was determined by the point that she became uncomfortable. Thickness became a factor when the man was wider then 2.5."

University men could smell an exposed vagina at a distance of 370 yards. We had to conduct the tests when the men were not driving or operating equipment because their minds focused only on the location of the vagina. Penis erection occured in 2/1000 of a secont when the vagina was detected.

Our next project was to determine how stimulating sex was for a married woman, as well as the condition of her vagina. We questioned 100 married collage woman that were age 32 and had been married for ten years. Following are the averages of their sexual experiences: HIGH SCHOOL. Sex with five boys, a total of 120 times, with penis time in her of 7 minutes per, for a total of 840 minutes of sex, or 14 hours. COLLEGE. Twenty-five men, a total of 540 times for 3780 minutes, or 63 hours. SEX WITH HUSBAND over ten years. 450 events, times 7 for 3150 minutes, for a total of 52.5 hours. ( The woman were not asked to provide the number of affairs during the marriage.) The woman had experience sex with thirty-one men for an average of penis in action time of 129.5 hours in their life time to date. The examination of their vaginas did not find a single case of damage, contrary to the descriptions which paint a picture of "a massive rock hard member tearing the sweet young thing apart."

How electrifying was the sex action between a woman and her husband. The testing using the 100 housewives had to be terminated early, when it was found that the average housewife had taught herself to speak out the words: " Yes, yes, Oh take me, put it in, AAAhhhh, yes, yes, Yessssssss, even when she was sound asleep.

Back to the University of Vermont. We wired several woman to determine the extent of stimulation during intercourse as well as how much their vagina's were expanded. The woman could take 50% percentage longer and 100% thicker penis then the men were providing, yet taped reports by the men reveled that they thought "he had her stretched to the limit." In fact all his penis was doing was pushing the walls apart that closed each time he pulled out part way. For the woman, penis action generated.ooooooooo7629 watt, unless the man was someone she was in love with Then, the "computer crash" displayed on the machine.

Dr. Kooky, using the formula E=MC2 determined that a 170 pound man brought 80 pounds of his weight to bear when he thrust his penis downward into a woman. If he has a 7" penis, he will have a 5" travel at a speed of 3.7 MPH. This energy is cushioned by the inch of pubic fat he has and the two inches the woman has so the true energy is .000000000002 ton. It does cause the average bed to press downward 1" and makes every bed squeak in direct ratio to the nearness of "her father" or the "teen age children."

Using a volunteer that we put to sleep. We had a woman with a 7" length vagina mounted by a man with 12". His instructions were to try to push his penis through her vagina wall. Dr. Kooky and a team of nurses were on standby in case he did. He was able to stretch her enough to gain full penetration, but an examination immediately afterward showed that there was no damage what so ever. She was sore for twenty minutes.

PENIS. Masters and Johnson determined that the average American penis is 5 7/8" long. If you will take a ruler and humor me. We will examine descriptions. 5" is tiny. 7" is hung. 9" is a horse, and 10" is a baseball bat. The difference from the least to the most being 5". Since 72% of woman cane take that much without any discomfort at all, and a woman can adjust her exposure to length by lowering her fanny, it is no wonder why woman are not shaking with fear when Mr. Proud lets his 8" flop out of his pants. What is going through her mind is; "I hope he can keep it hard long enough for me to have some fun too." Swinger woman tell us that in 90% of cases that a 8" claimed penis becomes 6" when they meet the man. Examination of 1000, UVM men failed to find any penis that could be described as a rock, plunger, white hot, steel, thrashing. Try soft rubber hot dog!

If you have conducted similar research, I am sure that the "Rocket Scientists" that constitute the readership, will savor every word of your work. I would love to receive more reports from the woman that I could use for story ideas.


Send all comments about this story to Softly.
How good was this story?


[Try Harder!]


[Damn Good!]



Home | Story Index | Contact Us | Other Sites

All contents Copyright 2000 by
No part may be reproduced in any form without explicit written permission.