|Abused No More
by Lisa Roissy ©
All my life...all I've known was abuse. Dad beat Mom. My boyfriends hit me. My husband beat me black and blue. The relationships I've had since I left him were abusive. I always blamed the men in my life. But one day, something else hit me. "Could it be that I am the problem? I know that ALL men aren't abusers. Why do I keep ending up ones who are?" I wondered if I was a sick person that needed someone to beat her up to feel loved.
One night, I was online roaming chat rooms. I came across one called "Submissive Ladies." I wondered what that one was about. So I went in. I saw screen names like AZuDzire, Will4uSir, and ImUrWhore for the women. And DomOfDarkness, MasterUvUrSoul, and SirDomin8her for the men. A lot of the women were calling the men in the room "sir." They talked about things like bondage, kneeling, punishment, and flogging.
Then, I started looking at their profiles. The women's profiles said things like, "I feel your power over me...taking control," "As I kneel before you, aware that I am your property...," and "I belong to you, Master...heart body and soul. Use me for your pleasure."
The men's profiles had such verbiage as, "Come to me, little one. I will make you crawl, beg, scream in pain...and beg for more," "I dominate you for my pleasure. I will take to heights you never dreamed possible...as you kneel for me," and my personal favorite, "get on your knees and serve me. You desperately need my control over you. You will be fulfilled by your worship of me."
I wanted to gag! I thought to myself, "Who the hell are these weirdoes, anyway?" I figured it was women with low self-esteem, and men with delusions of grandeur, at best...and dangerous psychos at worst, taking advantage of them. Yet, they were very friendly. And, my curiosity was aroused, so I hung around and got to know them, and see what they were all about.
They didn't seem so bad...most of them, anyway. And the women were not stupid or lacking in self-esteem. Quite the contrary, in most cases. The men, although a little flirty, were not the grandiose pricks I originally thought them to be. Many of them were nice gentlemen.
Not only that, for many of them, it was a 24/7 thing. Not just fun and games in the bedroom. Some of them even went so far as to be in complete master/slave relationships. So I figured, "To each his or her own. If it makes them happy, being kinky weirdoes, who am I to hold it against them?" Besides, they were nice people and I enjoyed chatting with them. Something about them made me feel at home, and comfortable.
Then one night, when I was talking to one sub friend in private. She said something that really hit me between the eyes. "I've been abused, and I've been dominated. Dominated is better!"
A light suddenly came on. I suddenly realized, "Oh my God! I'm a submissive! I'm NOT a sick bitch that needs to be abused. I'm a submissive that needs to be dominated. No wonder I like these 'kinky weirdoes' so much...I am one of them!"
From that moment, I set out to learn all I could about D/S. I asked questions. I looked at the websites. I read the books. I hung out in the chat rooms and soaked up info like a sponge. I wrote an honest-as-possible profile, without gothic imagery, poetry, or pretending that I had been in the lifestyle for years. Just me...who I was and how I felt.
Then one day, a dom in the room asked me if he could speak with me privately. I didn't know him very well, but I had seen him in the room a few times, and he seemed nice. A quick check of his profile piqued my interest. I agreed to go to private chat with him.
He said his name was Robert, and that he liked my profile. He said he appreciated the honesty and absence of pretension in it. I thanked him, said my name was Lisa, and we exchanged niceties. He began asking me questions. Not too personal, at first. What city I lived in, if I was married, my job, children, that sort of thing. Then, he asked about my interest in D/S. I told him my story. He said he was sorry, and seemed to genuinely empathize with me for my abusive past. He also complimented me on being so knowledgeable for being so new in the lifestyle.
He told me that he would be coming to my town on business in three weeks, and asked if I would like to get together with him for dinner. I hesitated. He said not to worry. We would meet at the restaurant of my choice, and leave separately. He said he just wanted to get to know me better. He also said that he wanted to keep chatting with me online and, when I felt comfortable doing so, on the phone.
He was very nice. I enjoyed talking to him. We continued to talk online daily for the next three weeks. We exchanged photos. He was very handsome...with rugged, yet boyish features, deep brown eyes, and hair to match. He also had a fine sense of humor and didn't take himself so seriously. Soon, I found myself addressing him as "sir." Not because he demanded it, (which he never did), or because of any protocol thing. It just seemed natural and right. I wanted to show him respect.
A couple of days before his visit, I really wanted to hear his voice. I gave him my number. Within seconds, the phone rang. My heart skipped a beat. Just the thought of hearing his voice -- and him hearing mine -- made me dizzy and had butterflies going crazy in my stomach. Finally, I answered it. He said, "Hello, Lisa. It's so nice to finally hear your voice." His voice was deep and sexy. We talked for over three hours. We discussed our interests from the D/S playlist he sent to me and asked me to fill out. There were few things on the list that I had actually done...but was anxious about trying many of them. Especially with Robert. I knew I was falling in love with him. And it seemed to me that the feeling was mutual.
Finally, the day arrived. I spent over an hour getting ready...I wanted to knock his eyes out! I wore a low-cut black sleeveless dress. I got to the restaurant, got us a table, and waited nervously for him. I ordered a margarita to calm my nerves. I didn't want to embarrass myself on our first meeting, after all.
Then, he walked in. I gulped hard. He was much more handsome and sexy than his picture! The adrenaline surged. I was getting dizzy. He spotted me, smiled, walked up to me, reached his hand out to me and said, "At last we meet, fair lady!" And he took my hand, raised it to his lips and kissed it, while gazing at me with his piercing brown eyes.
I figured, the less I said, the less likelihood of sticking my foot in my mouth. So, I smiled at him as demurely as I could, and replied, "So very nice to finally meet you in person, Robert sir."
"The pleasure is mine, Lisa," he said as he took his seat.
He quickly put me at ease with his subtle sense of humor. Within minutes, all my nervousness was gone, and I was speaking to him as freely as I had been for the last three weeks online, and the last two days over-the-phone. Actually, I now have trouble remembering what I even had for dinner that night. I was so wrapped up in the handsome, funny, intelligent, dominant man sitting across the table from me, and so engrossed in our conversation, I barely remember eating at all.
After dinner, we had a couple of drinks, and kept talking. Again, the subject turned to the BDSM checklist I had filled out for him. We discussed the things on the list, including bondage, flogging, whipping, anal, clamps, and so forth. I told him my experience in these things was nonexistent. I wasn't sure if I would like them or not. Some of them excited me. Some revolted me. Some terrified me.
His look suddenly became as penetrating as it was when he first came in the restaurant. He leaned forward, and said to me, "Lisa, D/S is not abusive. I would never do anything with you, or to you, that you do not want or give your consent to do. No real dom would. And nothing that would happen between us would harm you in any way. But the only way you can really know whether you would enjoy these things is to try them."
"Yes, sir. I am aware of that," I replied softly, lowering my eyes.
"Lisa, I know we agreed that this would be a getting-further-acquainted meeting only. But, I would very much like to see you privately before I leave town."
"I would like that too, sir. Very much."
"I am staying at the Ritz-Carlton. Would you do me the honor of meeting me there tomorrow evening at 7:30, in the restaurant, for dinner...and possibly more?"
"I would be happy to, sir." I responded, trying not to appear too anxious. The truth is, I would have gone to his hotel room with him right then and there, had he asked me to. Never in my life, had I been so captivated by a man. With visions of floggers, and bondage, and kneeling spinning in my head, I wished it was the following night already.
With that, he stood up, walked around to me, leaned over, kissed me on the cheek, bid me a safe trip home and a pleasant evening, and that he was greatly looking forward to seeing me the next evening. With that, he turned and walked out. I couldn't take my eyes off of him as he left. In addition to him being wonderful, compelling company, and handsome, what a delightful ass he had! So tight and muscular...as was the rest of him.
That night, I tossed and turned in bed for an hour. I couldn't shake the fantasies of him. Fantasies of him ordering me to strip for him, and to strip him. Of him tying me up and flogging me. Making me kneel before him and service him with my mouth, Making love to me. Calling me "Pet." And placing his collar around my neck.
I was so agitated and so wet, I had to break out my "battery-operated friend" and relieve the tension, just so I could get to sleep. I flipped it on. That familiar, steady buzz was music to my ears. While thinking about Robert in bed with me, above me, looking at me as he was about to enter me. His eyes penetrating my soul, as his cock penetrated the swollen, wet lips of my pussy. I slipped the thick, vibrating rubber head into my aching wetness, plunged it in deeply, and stroked it against my clit over and over again. Within a minute or two, I burst into orgasm, cumming hard. And as I did, I screamed out his name...and called him "Master." Then, tired and drained, I switched it off, sat it on my nightstand, and quickly fell into a deep, sound sleep.
The next day just seemed to drag. I caught myself looking at the clock all day long. It was so difficult to think of work. All I could think of was Robert. Then, when it was finally time to leave, I bolted out to my car. Then, wouldn't you know it...the rush hour traffic getting home was horrible! The whole way, it was sit for ten minutes, go five feet at five miles an hour, sit still for another ten minutes. It seemed to take an eternity to get home!
Finally home! I tore off my clothes, rushed into the shower, zipped through getting washed up, grabbed a towel, dried off, did my make-up and fixed my hair to look as sexy as I could. I went to my skivvy drawer and looked around in it. It was a pretty safe bet he would see me in my underwear tonight, so I wanted to choose the prettiest, sexiest bra and panties I had, to make his gorgeous brown eyes bulge...as well as make him bulge elsewhere.
I selected a sexy powder blue bra and panty set, slipped into it, checked myself in the mirror. I figured, if THIS didn't make him "stand up and take notice," nothing would. I put on my some stockings and garters, white blouse, dark gray skirt and jacket, and matching gray pumps. I chose tasteful, conservative gold earrings, necklace and bracelet. I looked like a lady with class on the outside...and a total slut underneath. Just what I knew he wanted me to be. Just what I wanted to be for him.
When I arrived at the restaurant, I was shaking. I was even more nervous than I was the first time we met in person yesterday. I knew that tonight would be the night. He was already in the bar waiting for me. I saw him sitting there, talking to someone sitting next to him, apparently not seeing me. I stopped, took a few deep breaths, and slowly approached him.
The man Robert was talking to saw me before Robert did. He stopped talking in mid sentence, and was just looking at me with a stifled smile. Robert then turned around and saw me. He smiled, got off the stool, moved toward me, gently took hold of my upper arms, gave me a kiss on the cheek, and said, "Lisa, you look beautiful! So nice to see you again." I smiled and returned his greeting. Then he said, "Allow me to introduce my associate, Gordon Barnes. Gordon is the one who kindly gave me an excuse to come to town to meet you," he said with a wink. "Gordon, this is Lisa Simmons, the lovely lady I spoke of."
We exchanged polite greetings, and Gordon quickly excused himself to leave. As he left, he wished us both a pleasant evening, Robert a safe trip home, and said how nice it was to meet me. After a few more obligatory pleasantries, he left.
As he escorted me from the bar to our table, I asked Robert, "Gordon left rather quickly. That wasn't on my account, was it, sir?" He chuckled and responded in the affirmative. To which I smiled and said, "Good. He seemed nice enough...but he is not the one I came here to see," I said with a soft smile.
Then Robert stopped just short of our table, turned to me, and with that now-familiar penetrating look asked me, "Lisa, tell me honestly...how hungry are you?"
"Sir, I'm not starving." I smiled, looked him in the eyes, and said, "I really didn't come here to eat."
"I didn't think so, Lisa," he said with a warm smile. "Would it be too forward to ask you to accompany me to my room? We can order room service when you get hungry."
All I could say in response, after a long pause, was "Please lead the way, sir."
With that, he gently placed his hand on the small of my back, and we walked to the elevator. I was trembling. Robert asked me if I was okay. I assured him I was, and admitted that I was a little nervous. He turned to me, and looked at me for a moment. Then he took me in his arms and held me close, and promised me there was nothing to worry about, that I was completely safe, and nothing would happen with him that I was not completely comfortable with. I felt so safe and secure in his arms.
I said to him, as I looked him in the eye, "That is not what has me nervous, sir. I have no fear of being alone with you, or having my first D/S experience. Quite the contrary, sir." I then paused, hesitant to continue. Robert gently stroked my hair and looked at me, waiting for me to continue. "It's just that I'm afraid, being so new and inexperienced, of not being able to please you. I want to please you, sir. I love you, Robert."
"And I love you, Lisa. I knew you were the one I've been searching for since I read your profile. Every word we have exchanged since has only further convinced me of that. And your love and desire to please me is worth far more, and is far more pleasing to me, than all the experience in the world. I'm not looking for an 'expert at subbing.' I'm looking for that one woman I can happily grow old with. Now I have found her. That woman is you, Lisa."
I buried my head in his neck and burst into tears. The elevator came to a stop at his floor. With his arm around me, he gently guided me out into the hallway, and to the door of his suite. He stuck the card key in the door, opened it, and led me inside.
He closed the door behind us, took me in his arms, and brushed the tears from my eyes. Then, we had our first kiss. It was loving and passionate. I could not hold back and no desire to do so. I poured my entire heart and soul into the kiss. I was so overwhelmed and happy I felt like I was going to burst. He kissed me back with equal passion and love. I was completely lost in the kiss.
While still kissing, he picked me up and started walking toward the bed. We fell onto the bed, locked in one another's arms. He was kissing and biting my neck and shoulders. I moaned in pleasure. It certainly wasn't the first time I have had pain inflicted upon me by a man, but it was the first time I've ever experienced pain that was pleasurable. In fact, I loved it!
Suddenly, he stopped, pulled away and looked at me with those incredible eyes. He sat up, pulled me to an upright position, removed my jacket, and pulled my blouse up over his head. He buried his face in my cleavage, and was kissing and biting my breasts, as I clutched at his head and moaned loudly. Without stopping what he was doing, he loosened his tie, untied it and pulled it off. He removed his jacket, unbuttoned his shirt and removed it. Then, he reached behind me, unhooked my bra and took it off of me.
With both us stripped to our waists now, he began running his tongue around my nipples, then he began sucking and biting on the left one, and pulling on it with his teeth. Painful as it was, I didn't ever want him to stop.
But he did. He began moving lower, kissing and biting and flicking his tongue all over my tummy and sides. While he did this, He unhooked my skirt and slid it off of me. He was biting my belly as he unhooked my garters, stopping occasionally to tell me how beautiful and sexy I was in them. He pulled my stockings off, removed my garter belt, and took down my panties.
He kissed and licked and bit my inner thighs, while exploring me with his hands...running them all over me. I was thrusting my hips in the air, reaching for him, and breathing heavily. My pussy was soaking wet. I wanted him to make love to me badly, and he was moving excruciatingly slow. I could barely stand it. Yet, at the same time, I loved the way he was savoring me, getting to know every inch of me.
Robert was languishing over me, as if having a sumptuous feast at the finest restaurant, savoring every decadent bite. The men I had been with in the past fucked me like they were having a burger and fries on a half hour lunch break. And, heaven help me if I complained about it! How amazingly, wonderfully different this was.
After what seemed like hours, he began running his tongue along my public region, making slow circles with his tongue around my drenched pussy. He traced the opening with his tongue, making no penetration, I was clutching his head, desperately trying to pull him to me, to plunge his masterful tongue into me.
But he was not about to be rushed. He kept teasing me with his tongue, nearly to the point of madness, when he began to enter me. As slowly as he had been exploring the rest of my body, he slowly worked his way inside me, seemingly a millimeter deeper at a time, making no contact with my clit. I whimpered in both anxiety and delight with every stroke of his tongue.
Finally, his tongue was buried in me. He licked and probed and explored every fold and crevice, lapping up my juices. He avoided contact with my clit, but was slowly moving closer to it.
Then, he made contact with my swollen, throbbing clit. I was so excited by then, I squealed in delight and almost came right away. He rested his tongue there, pressing down upon it, with increasing pressure. He pressed his lips on it, and gently sucked and flicked his skillful tongue on my swollen hot button.
I began trembling, I could feel that I was right on the edge of the most incredible orgasm of my life. He stopped, looked at me through my parted breasts, and told me not to cum until he commanded, I panted, "Yes sir," and tried to calm down. The last thing I wanted to do was displease him. He returned to my clit, pressed his lips on it, and began sucking hard.
I squirmed and did my best not to cum. I've never held back on an orgasm before. Since I so seldom ever had one before, (other than with my toy), and it had always been over so fast, I was used to cumming any chance I had, as soon as I could. I tried to take my mind off of how tremendously excited I was, as his hands were pinching my nipples, and his mouth was pleasuring me beyond anything I ever imagined. I didn't do very well, but somehow managed to avoid cumming.
After what seemed like hours, but was probably no more than ten minutes, he stopped just long enough to say, "Cum for me now, my little slut!" I immediately ceased resisting what my body was aching to do, and immediately exploded into intense waves of unimaginably wonderful orgasm. I moaned loudly, my head thrashed back and forth, I clutched at his head. My legs squeezed him in a scissors lock. Ecstasy raged through my body like a tidal wave.
Then, it slowly subsided. I collapsed like a limp rag, thoroughly satisfied and completely drained. I was lovingly stroking Robert's head and, suddenly remembering my protocol, thanked him profusely for allowing me to cum. He looked up at me, started moving closer to my face. He teased me with the tip of his cock as he put his face in mine and ordered me to lick my juices off of his face.
Never before had I tasted myself. Prior to that, I would have considered it disgusting. But right then, I seemed to have no will of my own. I could only do as Robert ordered me. I said "Yes sir," and, as a puppy happy to be picked up by its master, began to lick his face. I didn't object to the taste at all, In fact, it turned me on. That, plus Robert moving his cock back and forth along my pussy lips, soon had me as excited as before. He put his lips to mine, and kissed me with such passion, it was almost frightening at first. I kissed him back with all the energy I had left in me after that incredible orgasm.
The kiss, plus what Robert was doing with his cock, and my wanting to feel his cock inside me for the first time, energized me. Soon, I had as much energy and desire for him as I did when he was teasing me with his tongue.
He slowly worked his cock into me. At first, his thrusts were very slow and not very deep. With each stroke, he went a little deeper. I had my arms and legs wrapped around him. Squeezing him, trying to pull me closer to him, I wanted all of him inside me. But, once more, he was not about to let me rush him. He was determined to take his time with me no matter what I did. He kissed me so passionately, yet still somehow managed to maintain his slowly speeding up deliberateness.
At long last, I felt his hips make contact with mine. He pushed hard against me, as if to plunge as deeply inside me as he could. His thrusts gradually became longer and faster. He was slowly moving higher, so his cock kept getting closer and closer to my once-again throbbing clit. And when he finally made brushing contact with my clit, I moaned in delight. I held him tightly, kissing him with all the passion in my being once more.
His thrusts became faster and longer, now making full clitoral contact. He pulled my hair and bit me hard on the neck and shoulders. The pain was exquisite. It gave such a euphoric feeling, I wanted him to bite me even harder.
What up until now had been deliberate and calculated, had suddenly become raging, unbridled abandon. He was fucking me for all he was worth. He was pulling my hair and biting me. He was pinching my nipple so hard, I thought it was going to be permanently disfigured. But I didn't care. The combination of pain and pleasure had me lost totally in him. I was feeling completely possessed by him in our own private universe that I never knew existed...and never wanted to leave.
I was moaning in rapturous delight. I felt the onset of orgasm once more, but knew I had to hold back. This time, I did so almost effortlessly, as if my body knew better than to displease him. I was kissing his head over and over again. Squeezing him with my arms and legs that were wrapped around him, to hold on to him forever.
Then he groaned in my ear, "Cum with me, baby. Cum now." The moment he spoke those words, the floodgates were opened, and I exploded into earthshaking orgasm. I cried out loudly. I felt him tense up and heard him groan as his hot cum pumped into me. He clenched me so tightly, I thought I would be crushed.
As we both relaxed, I felt blissful and serene. We were holding one another, gently caressing and kissing. As I slowly returned from the wonderful universe he had taken me, I realized what a fool I had been. Love did not have to be wracked with fear and torment. Robert had shown me that. I tried to put out of my mind he would be leaving the next day. I never wanted to be apart from him again. I never wanted either of us to leave that bed.
He lifted his head, looked at me with such beautiful love in his eyes as he gently stroked the side of my head. I looked back at him, through glazed eyes, in love and amazement. It seemed surreal, what had just happened to me. No wonder the subs treated the doms with such respect. If they were all like Robert, they were almost superhuman, or magical. And we hadn't even gotten to all the "whips and chains" stuff yet!
"You were amazing, sweetheart," Robert said to me. "Our first time was better than I dared hope."
"Sir, you are the one who is amazing. How did you do that to me? I felt like I was in heaven."
He just smiled, cupped my face, and assured me it was only the beginning...that the best was yet to come. I asked him how that could be, since he was leaving the next day. He assured me that he would be back within two weeks. And then, he would be with me forever.
I couldn't believe my ears. "You're MOVING here, Robert?
"Yes, little one. This reason for this trip was to get everything in place to move my company's headquarters here. I just need to take care of the loose ends back home and get packed."
"Robert, I'm so happy, sir!" I cried as I hugged him and held him close to me. "What a tremendous break that you happened to be moving here, so soon after we met and fell in love."
Then, he smiled and said, "Not exactly a break, Pet."
"What do you mean, sir?"
"It was just decided three weeks ago, when I first spoke to you and found out you lived here. I told you, I knew from the moment I read your profile, did I not? All I needed to know was where you lived."
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