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Collar of Protection

WriterDom

WriterDom

Good to the last drop
Joined
Jun 25, 2000
Posts
20,077
I haven't heard that term before today. I've seen subs that have protectors. And will not accept any correspondence unless it funnels through the protector Dom first. I guess it works for some. I don't mind providing sub references, but to have to go through a third party is a bit much for me. I wonder about motives also. If a couple takes on a new sub to protect is it really about protection, or a step towards a poly relationship?
 
Absolute idiocy.

Because if you aren't capable of handling your own negotiations, conduct, and correspondence, you're not ready to be doing this. If you can't face me because I'm a Dominant and you want to play with me, you don't have the social skills needed to keep yourself safe, or furthermore the communications skills necessary to keep me *sane*.

This is for grown ups. If you can't handle direct communication, you should not be doing it.

I'll mentor all the do da day, I'll be accepting of mentors. I'm talking about relying on someone else whenever things might be uncomfortable, difficult or just plain unpleasant.

For those of you who insist this is part of a long standing tradition of slaves not allowed to speak in public and Masters who strode around Manhattan in chaps and I'm not cognizant of our grand tradition, I'm not buying it, I know too many people from back in the day.
 
Just my $0.02 worth

I think that when it comes to new anything that is a lifestyle change it helps to have someone like Netzach describes. But if the conditions are such that the person that is going to be involved is so insecure or unsure of what they are doing that they have to go thru a third party then that is not a good situation for anyone involved.

In all the poly relationships that I have seen, it has always been the people directly involved that do any talking. I don't want someone else doing any negotiating for me.

So I would have to say that I totally agree with Netzach on this one.
 
WriterDom said:
I haven't heard that term before today. I've seen subs that have protectors. And will not accept any correspondence unless it funnels through the protector Dom first. I guess it works for some. I don't mind providing sub references, but to have to go through a third party is a bit much for me. I wonder about motives also. If a couple takes on a new sub to protect is it really about protection, or a step towards a poly relationship?
Click to expand...

It does sound suspect because it seems to lead so easily to control that comes out of dependance.

I'm sorry, the only reason I clicked on this thread is because the title evokes happy Dungeouns & Dragons memories.

None the less - Do you think it is possible that the submissive person in question gets a low-level emotional or sexual charge out of this sort of control? (and likewise the Protector)
 
WriterDom said:
I haven't heard that term before today. I've seen subs that have protectors. And will not accept any correspondence unless it funnels through the protector Dom first. I guess it works for some. I don't mind providing sub references, but to have to go through a third party is a bit much for me. I wonder about motives also. If a couple takes on a new sub to protect is it really about protection, or a step towards a poly relationship?
Click to expand...
Collar of Protection?...sounds like someone has little regard for collars and a big ego.
As a Domme I wouldn't spend two seconds in a serious conversation with a potential submissive if the conversation was filtered through a second Dominant.
Mentoring and or protecting can mean many things and all of these things will depend upon the needs of the submissive and the friendship and trust developed between them and the Dominant.
This collar of protection..was it an online or real time collar?
 
Re: Re: Collar of Protection

evesdream said:
It does sound suspect because it seems to lead so easily to control that comes out of dependance.

I'm sorry, the only reason I clicked on this thread is because the title evokes happy Dungeouns & Dragons memories.

None the less - Do you think it is possible that the submissive person in question gets a low-level emotional or sexual charge out of this sort of control? (and likewise the Protector)
Click to expand...

Or the submissive is able to abscond from all responsibility if the protector advises her or arranges interaction with someone who isn't the right Dom for her?

Mentoring in terms of talking about the lifestyle, sharing experiences, encouraging using your head and not your heart, encouraging patience, even providing feedback as opposed to decision making concerning potential Dominants is all well and good, but to take it to the level where the submissive is already in a "power exchange " for these purposes seems as though there is likely a hidden agenda.

A submissive needs to have self confidence and strength in order to offer herself to another. I think having a protector could detract from that.
 
Netzach said:
Absolute idiocy.

Because if you aren't capable of handling your own negotiations, conduct, and correspondence, you're not ready to be doing this. If you can't face me because I'm a Dominant and you want to play with me, you don't have the social skills needed to keep yourself safe, or furthermore the communications skills necessary to keep me *sane*.

This is for grown ups. If you can't handle direct communication, you should not be doing it.

I'll mentor all the do da day, I'll be accepting of mentors. I'm talking about relying on someone else whenever things might be uncomfortable, difficult or just plain unpleasant.

For those of you who insist this is part of a long standing tradition of slaves not allowed to speak in public and Masters who strode around Manhattan in chaps and I'm not cognizant of our grand tradition, I'm not buying it, I know too many people from back in the day.
Click to expand...
*applause* *applause*

(But actually, not being allowed to speak in public is sometimes a rule for me, and it's a great challenge because I love to chatter. My girlfriend calls me a chirpy birdie when I'm chattering like that, but Daddy sometimes prefers to shut me up.)
 
Once a couple of years ago I answered an ad by a sub on a vanilla personals web site that had a kink section..I wrote to introduce myself to the woman, named Molly. (names changed)

I didn't hear back from Molly, I heard back from some dude named Jon.

Jon, her Mentor, was screening prospective Doms on her behalf.

Jon wrote in that silly Gorean type talk that always sounds like a Monty Python sketch to me...so I was fairly sarcastic and blunt with Jon in reply to his Demands & Questions.

Needless to say, he decided I wasn't going to be granted an audience with Molly.

Well, Toronto (where this transpired) isn't such a big town in terms of the Scene...so I asked around and found out where Jon went for beers.

I went there one nite and sure enough, he was there (assholes aren't very hard to pick out in a bar) with two women; one his Sub, the other looking like Molly's description.

So I took a shot and started talking to her while his back was turned. After a minute or so he spotted me and became very agitated and proprietary, informing me nobody talked to Molly except through him.

I told him who I was, that I'd tracked him down to meet Molly and to tell him to go fuck himself, tossed my beer in his face and asked Molly if she'd like to go somewhere else, which we did.

Arsehole, he was.
 
Re: Re: Collar of Protection

evesdream said:


None the less - Do you think it is possible that the submissive person in question gets a low-level emotional or sexual charge out of this sort of control? (and likewise the Protector)
Click to expand...

Duh. For reference see Jacobs, J., career of.
 
If you ask Me

I think more vanillas could benefit from the so called "collar of protection". Some women (and men) can be more gullible than any sub I have met.

Most subs I know can protect themselves, they just choose not to.
 
Lancecastor said:
Once a couple of years ago I answered an ad by a sub on a vanilla personals web site that had a kink section..I wrote to introduce myself to the woman, named Molly. (names changed)

I didn't hear back from Molly, I heard back from some dude named Jon.

Jon, her Mentor, was screening prospective Doms on her behalf.

Jon wrote in that silly Gorean type talk that always sounds like a Monty Python sketch to me...so I was fairly sarcastic and blunt with Jon in reply to his Demands & Questions.

Needless to say, he decided I wasn't going to be granted an audience with Molly.

Well, Toronto (where this transpired) isn't such a big town in terms of the Scene...so I asked around and found out where Jon went for beers.

I went there one nite and sure enough, he was there (assholes aren't very hard to pick out in a bar) with two women; one his Sub, the other looking like Molly's description.

So I took a shot and started talking to her while his back was turned. After a minute or so he spotted me and became very agitated and proprietary, informing me nobody talked to Molly except through him.

I told him who I was, that I'd tracked him down to meet Molly and to tell him to go fuck himself, tossed my beer in his face and asked Molly if she'd like to go somewhere else, which we did.

Arsehole, he was.
Click to expand...

He just proved himself to be a pusswad. Not worthy to mentor subs. If you threw a beer in my face; I'd put you in a ju-jitsu submission hold, drag you out into the parking lot, tase your ass and then knock your teeth down your throat with the taser. That's how a true alfalfa male comports himself.
 
rosco rathbone said:
He just proved himself to be a pusswad. Not worthy to mentor subs. If you threw a beer in my face; I'd put you in a ju-jitsu submission hold, drag you out into the parking lot, tase your ass and then knock your teeth down your throat with the taser. That's how a true alfalfa male comports himself.
Click to expand...

Come on Roscoe, you have been watching too many kung-fu movies.
 
Shit, I better perfect my charging white crane mojo, or they will take away my Mentor card!
 
I never heard of "collar of protection" before, either.

But Sir does have a submissive (let's call her jane) for whom he acts as Protector. (I think I have mentioned her on this Board somewhere before, forgive me if I am being repetitive.)

Sir was the first Dominant jane ever met and played with. They are still great friends but didn't "click" so far as a Dom/sub relationship. However, they can talk for hours and it gives her someone to discuss all kinds of personal stuff with. She does NOT have him filter or read or have anything to do with her email, chatting, etc. - but, if she meets someone she would like to play with, she will ask Sir if he knows him, and if he doesn't, he can usually ask around and find someone who does. Also, Sir acts as her safe call person.

In addition, if Sir and I are attending a large event and jane would like to go but feels uneasy attending alone, she comes with us, and at the event she mingles freely but likes knowing that if someone starts any unwanted "hitting" on her, or whatever, Sir will step in.

A couple of months ago, she attended just such an event with us and ended up meeting a Dominant who she has since been seeing regularly. Sir suspects that she will soon no longer need or want his role of Protector, and that will be just fine and is her call. But we all expect that we will remain close friends.

- justina
 
I have done it the once. In this case, it was simply a way of offering a friend a "scary Dom" (I can be scary! I can! I can! *stamps foot*) that she could send the predatory idiots to when they wouldn't take "no" for an answer.

So... I think like most things, there can be a place for it.

Of course, in this case, this woman was quite capable of talking and dealing with people by herself. It was just a convenience really, having me to back her up. Kind of like a "big brother" to watch out for her.
 
i have a "so called" collar, but i prefer it as the collar of my Minder, He is not neccessarily the "third person", but more some one to make sure things do not go wrong, He is more likely to point out who i should approach! After all He is not there just for me, He has his own agenda, He is on the prowl for His own male sub, He is merely there to keep an eye on me and Keep my Mentor happy in the fact that i am being looked after! Can't have subbies run around un-shaperoned,,, well this one is not allowed to any ways!!!!!!!!
So i suppose that is what a collar of protection is!!
my definition anyways:)
~*HuGs*~
:devil:
 
Now that I think of it, reminds me of the 60s TV show Get Smart.

Remember the Cone of Silence (or something like that).

The "Collar of Protection" seems like something Maxwell Smart would use.

"Agent 99 bring me the Collar of Protection!"
 
Re: Re: Collar of Protection

le_kinklet said:
i have a "so called" collar, but i prefer it as the collar of my Minder, He is not neccessarily the "third person", but more some one to make sure things do not go wrong, He is more likely to point out who i should approach! After all He is not there just for me, He has his own agenda, He is on the prowl for His own male sub, He is merely there to keep an eye on me and Keep my Mentor happy in the fact that i am being looked after! Can't have subbies run around un-shaperoned,,, well this one is not allowed to any ways!!!!!!!!
So i suppose that is what a collar of protection is!!
my definition anyways:)
~*HuGs*~
:devil:
Click to expand...

Interesting.

So how does this work? If a Dom wants to talk with you, does HE screen them, talk to them or set limits?

It seems a much more clear arrangement in that he does have another agenda entriely and he may simply be caring about you and for you.

Now, would he let you learn from your own mistakes? Try some things on your own? Sometimes, that is the best way to learn. :)

:rose:
 
Minder, Mentor...this is all getting way too confusing for my little head.
 
Ebonyfire said:
Now that I think of it, reminds me of the 60s TV show Get Smart.

Remember the Cone of Silence (or something like that).

The "Collar of Protection" seems like something Maxwell Smart would use.

"Agent 99 bring me the Collar of Protection!"
Click to expand...


LMAO


Thank you Eb. for putting it in perspective. :)
 
Etoile said:
Minder, Mentor...this is all getting way too confusing for my little head.
Click to expand...

*pats Etoile on the head condescendingly*

(oooh, I'm naughty!)
 
Re: Re: Re: Collar of Protection

MissTaken said:
Interesting.

So how does this work? If a Dom wants to talk with you, does HE screen them, talk to them or set limits?

It seems a much more clear arrangement in that he does have another agenda entriely and he may simply be caring about you and for you.

Now, would he let you learn from your own mistakes? Try some things on your own? Sometimes, that is the best way to learn. :)

:rose:
Click to expand...

Tis certainly the best way to learn, and testing my limits is a big thing, and He is happy to let me test them, but yes if some one did approach me, they would atleast have to make themselves known to Him and as Doms do he would make sure it was ok, but mostly he would trust my judgement, and just as long as he knows what i am doing!
Thanx for asking Miss T:)
~*HuGs*~
:devil:
 
Part of the debate maybe the way the whole concept of collarring is tossed about. "Collar of Protection" sounds a little gorean to me and while that is not my style I have no problem with high theater. I have run accross subs that do need protection from themselves and some doms that need to be told to back off.

At play parties I have servered as dungeon master and felt my fuction was to make sure nothing happend that would result in legal actions. If somebody talked to you and you didn't like it, it would be up to you to say no thanks. If a sub asked me to keep an eye on them then I do but all they get is an eye. The collar of protection seems as a way of making me part of their scene. As for asking advice I think that's a great idea and will tell you as much as I can but I will pay attention to see if you listen to it.
 
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