Meeting People

I am at the point where I really need to meet a girl. I used to go out with a friend and we would meet some girls, but he's moved and I have to do it alone. Part of the problem is I am 20, so I can't really hang out in any bars with out looking like at idiot. What I want to know is, how do you approach strange women? I am not looking for sex, but if it happens, it happens. I am a very shy around people until I get to know them. Thanks.

Looking like an idiot is a great way to meet people who aren't afraid to look like idiots and they're the most fun anyway.

A great way to meet people and get to know them is by doing things that you enjoy - find a co-ed softball league or a hiking club or SciFi movie fanatics group or take a class in something you enjoy. Make friends, and you'll soon find yourself getting invited to parties or introduced to their friends.

You can also try to get a job where you are likely to meet lots of people - bookstore, video store, coffee shop...

I agree with Recidiva...online can be a great way to go, even if you're only out to make friends, practice your social skills, and gain confidence. If you're not comfortable with strictly looking for dates through personal ads/sites, you may want to consider posting ads for "meeting people, friendship, and maybe more if you happen to click." There are countless sites that are more geared toward that, but one that comes to mind immediately (besides Lit, of course) is OKCupid.

There have been many great threads on meeting and talking to women in here, and while I'd normally tell you to search yourself, I was unsuccessful the first few times, and figured it would be easiest to give you the links when I found them. These are definitely worth your time to read:
What does the average woman look for in a guy?
How to start conversations with women outside of bars and clubs
How to get a girlfriend (shyness sucks)
How do you flirt?
How to ask a woman out
How to know if I'm liked
Confidence

I hope that helps some, and good luck to you!

I never got chummy with anyone in a bar anyway. Men looking to hook up there are too high maintenance. (I'm not kidding.)

That said, women are everywhere! We go to the grocery store, the bookstore, the bank, the movies. We go everywhere you go - why not try to strike up a conversation with one of us about whatever it is we're doing at the same time as you? Even if she's married/older/not your type, she's still practice for you. Be friendly and respectful, and eventually you'll run across one you like - and she might just like you back.

So you ask her if she has a few minutes and would like to have a cup of coffee, and a potential date is born.

Good luck!

Thanks for the replies. I'll check out those links. As far as the job goes, I work at a large company, but there's only one girl in her 20s in my department, and she's married. As far as approaching women in say, a bookstore, I could but it feels so weird to do so. Maybe one day I can.

dmb8485 said:

Thanks for the replies. I'll check out those links. As far as the job goes, I work at a large company, but there's only one girl in her 20s in my department, and she's married. As far as approaching women in say, a bookstore, I could but it feels so weird to do so. Maybe one day I can.

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Don't feel weird. If there's a woman in the same section as you and she pulls out a book, you immediately have an opening. Have you read it? Want to read it? Heard about it? Read other things by that author?

Is there a woman in line with you carrying a book about which you could ask one of the above questions?

Even if you strike out on all of the above, if it's hot/cold/busy/empty in the store, that's still something to talk about.

Or just make eye contact and smile. If you can get that far, she might open the conversation herself.

I swear, you can do it, without it being awkward! And even if it is, who cares? You're never going to see her again; treat early meetings as practice for when you DON'T feel awkward. Just go for it!

You could also put yourself in a personals ad on the net. There's so many. I'd run a search. This way you can take things slow since youre shy. Chat on yahoo or aim and get to know each other, and take it from there. Buy a cam too.

Leviluv said:

You could also put yourself in a personals ad on the net. There's so many. I'd run a search. This way you can take things slow since youre shy. Chat on yahoo or aim and get to know each other, and take it from there. Buy a cam too.

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I've tried the yahoo / aim thing. I met one girl on there about a year ago but nothing ever happened. I did try the okcupid thing. We'll see what happens.

*tagged for tracking purposes*

You are going to meet far more than one strange women and I strongly suggest you stay far away from them.

Let me tell you something dude, if you are comfortable where you are and with yourself you will meet all the females you want.

Remember life and relationships is not a race. Any prise you get for being first you don't want!

dmb8485 said:

I've tried the yahoo / aim thing. I met one girl on there about a year ago but nothing ever happened. I did try the okcupid thing. We'll see what happens.

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I've had a fair amount of experience with personals. A few things that have been successful for me and sparked my interest in others are:
-A thoroughly filled out profile that includes a good, accurate photo, personality/wit/humor/creativity (but be yourself), sounds confident, good spelling and grammar. Basically, people who clearly put some effort into it and seem to want to make a good impression get results.

-A willingness to browse profiles and initiate contact is important. Most of the people I've talked to who haven't had a lot of success with personals more or less just posted their profiles and waited for others to contact them.

-Reasonable requirements, expectations, and flexibility.

-Perserverence...willingness to talk to and possibly meet a lot of people. I've met tons of women, and many have turned out to be poor matches. However, because I kept trying, I've met quite a few wonderful friends. I'd have missed out on meeting the good ones had I quit looking and talking upon meeting the not-so-great women.

First off, allow me to say that by no means do I mean to preach, however, you asked and these are my two cents reguarding meeting people.

1. Your not losing much by not getting into the bar scene. The types of girls who usually go to bars to meet single guys, are NOT shy. Chances are your going to wind up drinking in order to find your confidence level, and that my friend is never a good thing.

2. Clubs. Another bad place to meet girls, espically the type your seem like your probably attracted to. IE: the quiet, a little shy type like yourself.

3. Now since your 20 your exactly the right age to meet college girls your age. SCORE! Hot college chicks, right? Now you ask yourself, man how do I hook up with them? Coffee shops, book stores, maybe a local restaurant you eat at a lot, heck I've even met girls at the supermarket. Basically what I'm saying here is find a place where your comfortable at, where you don't feel out of place, and just be yourself. Trust me, they see you just as much as you see them.

4. myspace -- havent had a lot of experience with this one, I dont have an account there but my roomie meets about 80% of the girls he hooks up with off my space, and hes the typical bar/club guy. I'd give it a shot.

Well I wish you luck with your problem. Perhaps I've been inciteful, perhaps I've been annoying. In the end, good luck.

When you're out and about look like you're having fun. If you have a smile on your face you will be much easier to approach and get a better reaction from the ppl you meet.

Hi ya mate. 25year old bloke who's been in exactly the same situation your in. My advice would be to start doing hobbies that YOU enjoy like other people in this thread have said. (The closer to your age the better). Let people know your always up for a laugh and going out and they'll be more likely to invite you. The clubbing scene is something me and my mates do on a regular basis. I've heard 70% of partners meet in bars and clubs! This is the hard part, have a laugh and DON't give a shit. Chat girls up for a laugh. Easier said than done I know but a desperate sharker stands out a mile. I worked in some bars at weekends for a few years and all the staff went to the clubs once they'd cleaned up. Just my opinion mate but have patience, your at the perfect age to do all the things in life you want.

Hope this helps

dmb8485 said:

Thanks for the replies. I'll check out those links. As far as the job goes, I work at a large company, but there's only one girl in her 20s in my department, and she's married. As far as approaching women in say, a bookstore, I could but it feels so weird to do so. Maybe one day I can.

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Lots of people like to go out for drinks after work on Thursdays or Fridays. Consider inviting some people from your office to go with you and just have fun with them. Not only will you make some friends who might be fun to hang out with, but if you make Thursday happy hour a regular thing, they may start inviting their friends too, which could mean some single people. Married women in their 20's often have lots of single girl friends!

okay, there are 2 things you can do here. just go about your normal life and just casualy talk to people who happen to be by chance in the same area that you go through. class mates, co-workers, people that loiter around stores and sitdown eatteries. No your not gunna try and be dating them, but build your friend base up. have a few people you can call up and say, hey lets go to this club/bar/grill/party.

from that just do things with your friends as you did with your old friend. work things from there.

the second thing is kinda more disturbing but acctualy more effective. simply post your personal in the paper/internet and wait for the wantons of people flock to you.

the second one is more out of desperation, but in general you can build a lasting relationship out of it (simply because the people that hit you up on your personal are hitting you up because they already like what they see).

any ways thats a way to meet new people