Increase my libido

Just a little background about me first. I'm 21, married, have two young children (3 1/2, 9 mo.), and am going to school full time.

Now my problem is that my libido has died. I'm rarely in the mood any more, which is killing both my husband and myself. We used to have sex multiple times a week, now it's down to once a week if he's lucky. I just can't seem to get in the mood anymore. I feel like I don't satisfy him now, which doesn't help the situation. I love him, and find him incredibly attractive, so what's my problem? This also isn't a recent problem, it's been going on for about four months, and I just can't take it anymore.

I'd truly appreciate any tips or suggestions of things to try that might get my libido back where it used to be.

Hey! You are not superwoman!

Cut yourself some slack.

Does he help with the kids when he is home?

If the problem is not medical it will improve with time.

He does help with the kids, he actually stays home with them during the day while I'm at school. And he helps around the house also. I understand that I'm not superwoman, but I do know that I'm letting him down.

We try to get out once every couple of weeks so that we have some time together. I just need some new ideas, nothing seems to work for me anymore.

Originally posted by Hotred911
I'd truly appreciate any tips or suggestions of things to try that might get my libido back where it used to be. [/B]

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1. Take an hour with him watching the kids and take a hot bath while you think of what you're gonna do to him later.
2. Try the new vaginal lube stuff that's supposed to increase libido and create multiple orgasms. (You'll find it near the condoms in your fave drug store.)
3. Get the new vitamins that are supposed to increase libido.
4. Report back with how great it is.


Kisses,

S

I'm not a pro on this subject... but you have to decide to make time for each other and that's very hard with children so small...

You also need to make time for yourself, which will make it easier to make time for the two of you. Even if it's just a bubble bath or a quick walk around the block.

If your kids aren't on a schedule, put them on one... example: bedtime at 8pm (at least for the 3 yr old) NO questions, NO exceptions... the little one will learn to follow suit and your life will be easier. My parents were VERY consistent on bedtimes... it allowed them the evenings to reconnect, something that is necessary for any couple. (they've been married for almost 40 yrs and still in love)

Wearing sexy underwear always makes me horny... and doing something as simple as "getting ready" for your husband to come home or whatever... like showering shaving and putting on something you know he'll like...

Something you could do is make a list of things you'd like to do or try... doesn't have to be sexual, but certainly add those things in... and make it a point to choose something new, once a week. Shit, put each suggestion on a little card, fold them up, throw them in a jar and pull one out blindly each week... you can't throw it back... you gotta do it. That's the rule. So if you write, "No sex... 69 only for at least 45 minutes" You have to do it. Or "massage for her... 30 mins" Or "Tied to the bed and teased until climax" WHATEVER you would like to do... BUT you both have to put stuff in there and be willing to do what comes up. If one refuses, you need to think of retribution. It would be a fun game to try... and once a week isn't really all that much to ask.

Sounds like you could take a trip to the doc as well to rule out medical problems... Stress is a bad libido killer...

You didn't happen to start taking birth control pills recently, did you?

I know that after I stopped breastfeeding and switched to a combination pill my sex drive disappeared completely. My doctor didn't bother telling me that this was a possible side effect of the pill I was on, so I went through over a year of never being in the mood before I accidentally discovered the pills were causing the problem.

If this could be the case with you, you may want to ask your doctor about changing brands of pills, as some of these cause the loss of libido more than others.

Hi Hotred,

Just out of curiosity, with the arrival of your newest little child, when was the last time you & yours went OUT on a "date", just the 2 of you? My wife & I went through a similar thing; both seriously attracted to one another, fantastic sex lives and all that great stuff that comes with it!! But, with 2 kids, work, school, day-to-day "stuff", kinda tanked things for us for a spell. We finally decided that we would set aside a mid week night, each week, for just us and to stick to it. So, we decided on Wednesday night would be "Our" night, we got sitters lined up, and we to this day (and this started over 3 years ago) every Wednesday night we go on our date night! Doesn't have to be anything more than maybe cheap wing night at a local pub, even has been great car sex on some dark, deserted "look out" somewhere , or spiced it up one Wednesday eve and I booked an hotel room and surprised her with a "Dirty Little Evening" knowing that we still had to be home at a reasonable hour because of the sitter . All I know is that it's fun, gives us our time together and we both look forward to it every week!

...oh, and if that's your pic with you leaning up against a wall and your long hair, ...

Hotred911 said:

Just a little background about me first. I'm 21, married, have two young children (3 1/2, 9 mo.), and am going to school full time.

Now my problem is that my libido has died. I'm rarely in the mood any more, which is killing both my husband and myself. We used to have sex multiple times a week, now it's down to once a week if he's lucky. I just can't seem to get in the mood anymore. I feel like I don't satisfy him now, which doesn't help the situation. I love him, and find him incredibly attractive, so what's my problem? This also isn't a recent problem, it's been going on for about four months, and I just can't take it anymore.

I'd truly appreciate any tips or suggestions of things to try that might get my libido back where it used to be.

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gee a household to help run, 2 young children, school? Think you answered your own question sweetie

could be a little depression too, highly likely after a baby
had it terrible with all three of mine.
i still suffer from depression now but with the way my life is it's understandable, what i am getting at is on my low days no matter what my lover does to me it just doesn't work, where another day the exact same thing can drive me wild ,
just a thought.

I know your terribly busy and this may not be an option..but...a little bit of exericse will do fantastic things to your libido. Just getting up and moving will make you feel hornier.

And find a way to take a break just for you...then for the two of you.

Thanks for the ideas everyone. I'll be trying to work on these within the next couple of weeks. Some of these things I've already started working on. I'll be sure to keep you all updated, and if anyone has any more suggestions feel free to throw them my way.

Is it just your libido, or are there other things off kilter as well?

capricious_chic said:

Is it just your libido, or are there other things off kilter as well?

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Now that I think about it, my period has also been off for the past few months. It is usually very regular, but now I've been getting it either every three weeks or six weeks. It also goes back and forth between being very heavy and painful, and very light and quick. I know....time to see a doctor.

Hotred -

I think that what you are going through is completely natural and very common, especially after have two children in quick sucession. I don't think that you will be able to find a quick fix to your problem. Child birth is very traumatic to the body, even if it is a beautiful and joyful experience. There are so many differing factors that could be playing a role in having a decreased libido. Childbirth, baby blues, stress, relationship issues, money issues, parenting issues, medications, etc., the list goes on and on. I think that you will find that this is not the core problem, but a symptom of something else. It is common for your period to be off kilter for quite some time after having a child. Being pregnant, giving birth, etc., throws your body into hormonal hell - it is expected that it will take quite some time before it all balances out again. Odds are that your body will never be the same, and that you wont respond to things the same way. As people get older, it is in continual flux. Leveling out and balancing here and there, but still always changing.

Until such a time as your libido returns (which I am sure it will if it is just a matter of hormones), it is important to remember that you (as a couple) will need to nourish your relationship. I know it is difficult, and so very easy to take advantage of what we have when life gets really hectic. Plan sex. Build up to it. Anticipate what will happen. I know it takes some of the magic and spontenaity out of it - but spontenaity is something that has to be sacrificed once children enter the picture. Plan for one night a week at first. Don't feel pressured by it, but embrace it. Plan for it to be a day/night that you and your husband spend together alone. Everything else stays outside the bedroom door that night. No talk of kids, bills, worries. Both of you go into it knowing that sex is not THE outcome, but intimacy and bonding. If sex happens; wonderful, if it doesn't; it doesn't. I hope that you and your husband are able to talk about this change in your sex life openly and honestly. As time passes, so will the decreased libido. The kids will get older, and demand less of your time and energy - which you will have more of for each other.

I wish I had a cure all to offer, or I could be able to tell you it is a matter of flipping a switch. It isn't. I am not sure if this is much help, but I do wish you well and hope that this matter is resolved to your satisfaction quickly.

Originally posted by capricious_chic
Hotred -

I think that what you are going through is completely natural and very common, especially after have two children in quick sucession. I don't think that you will be able to find a quick fix to your problem. Child birth is very traumatic to the body, even if it is a beautiful and joyful experience. There are so many differing factors that could be playing a role in having a decreased libido. Childbirth, baby blues, stress, relationship issues, money issues, parenting issues, medications, etc., the list goes on and on. I think that you will find that this is not the core problem, but a symptom of something else. It is common for your period to be off kilter for quite some time after having a child. Being pregnant, giving birth, etc., throws your body into hormonal hell - it is expected that it will take quite some time before it all balances out again. Odds are that your body will never be the same, and that you wont respond to things the same way. As people get older, it is in continual flux. Leveling out and balancing here and there, but still always changing.

Until such a time as your libido returns (which I am sure it will if it is just a matter of hormones), it is important to remember that you (as a couple) will need to nourish your relationship. I know it is difficult, and so very easy to take advantage of what we have when life gets really hectic. Plan sex. Build up to it. Anticipate what will happen. I know it takes some of the magic and spontenaity out of it - but spontenaity is something that has to be sacrificed once children enter the picture. Plan for one night a week at first. Don't feel pressured by it, but embrace it. Plan for it to be a day/night that you and your husband spend together alone. Everything else stays outside the bedroom door that night. No talk of kids, bills, worries. Both of you go into it knowing that sex is not THE outcome, but intimacy and bonding. If sex happens; wonderful, if it doesn't; it doesn't. I hope that you and your husband are able to talk about this change in your sex life openly and honestly. As time passes, so will the decreased libido. The kids will get older, and demand less of your time and energy - which you will have more of for each other.

I wish I had a cure all to offer, or I could be able to tell you it is a matter of flipping a switch. It isn't. I am not sure if this is much help, but I do wish you well and hope that this matter is resolved to your satisfaction quickly.

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Capricious... there is nothing capricious about you. GREAT answer. I think I'm in love.

*grin*

S

capricious_chic said:

Hotred -

I think that what you are going through is completely natural and very common, especially after have two children in quick sucession. I don't think that you will be able to find a quick fix to your problem. Child birth is very traumatic to the body, even if it is a beautiful and joyful experience. There are so many differing factors that could be playing a role in having a decreased libido. Childbirth, baby blues, stress, relationship issues, money issues, parenting issues, medications, etc., the list goes on and on. I think that you will find that this is not the core problem, but a symptom of something else. It is common for your period to be off kilter for quite some time after having a child. Being pregnant, giving birth, etc., throws your body into hormonal hell - it is expected that it will take quite some time before it all balances out again. Odds are that your body will never be the same, and that you wont respond to things the same way. As people get older, it is in continual flux. Leveling out and balancing here and there, but still always changing.

Until such a time as your libido returns (which I am sure it will if it is just a matter of hormones), it is important to remember that you (as a couple) will need to nourish your relationship. I know it is difficult, and so very easy to take advantage of what we have when life gets really hectic. Plan sex. Build up to it. Anticipate what will happen. I know it takes some of the magic and spontenaity out of it - but spontenaity is something that has to be sacrificed once children enter the picture. Plan for one night a week at first. Don't feel pressured by it, but embrace it. Plan for it to be a day/night that you and your husband spend together alone. Everything else stays outside the bedroom door that night. No talk of kids, bills, worries. Both of you go into it knowing that sex is not THE outcome, but intimacy and bonding. If sex happens; wonderful, if it doesn't; it doesn't. I hope that you and your husband are able to talk about this change in your sex life openly and honestly. As time passes, so will the decreased libido. The kids will get older, and demand less of your time and energy - which you will have more of for each other.

I wish I had a cure all to offer, or I could be able to tell you it is a matter of flipping a switch. It isn't. I am not sure if this is much help, but I do wish you well and hope that this matter is resolved to your satisfaction quickly.

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Let me endorse speaeasy's feelings towards the author: you are majestic - have you thought about going into counseling (or do you already do this, formally or not)?

To the complaint: of course, it's probably hormone balances - or rather imbalances....doesn't somebody here have experience with this?


--Orson

Hotred911 said:

Just a little background about me first. I'm 21, married, have two young children (3 1/2, 9 mo.), and am going to school full time.

Now my problem is that my libido has died. I'm rarely in the mood any more, which is killing both my husband and myself. We used to have sex multiple times a week, now it's down to once a week if he's lucky. I just can't seem to get in the mood anymore. I feel like I don't satisfy him now, which doesn't help the situation. I love him, and find him incredibly attractive, so what's my problem? This also isn't a recent problem, it's been going on for about four months, and I just can't take it anymore.

I'd truly appreciate any tips or suggestions of things to try that might get my libido back where it used to be.

Click to expand...

Garlic always works for me. I'm a horny bastard anyway, but it always makes me hornier than usual.

Here's my advice...

Get a sitter or friend to watch the kids... preferably a sleepover at grandma's if that is possible.

Then, a romantic dinner and some privacy without the little ones should do the trick.