first time problems

Ive been a long time reader here but this is my first post. I hope you guys can help me out.

I just had sex for my first time with my girlfriend. She thought it was great but I barely felt a thing. Every once in a while it felt good but generally I felt nothing. Now this is not what I expected sex to be like at all.

Has anyone else ever experienced something like this? Should I expect this to continue? For now I told my girlfriend that I just got to tired and couldnt keep going, and I know I will have to tell her eventually but first I want to know whats wrong. We were using a condom if that makes any difference. And I know its not because of either of our sizes. Im 6 inches maybe a little on the thin side but I dont think that matters because sometimes I can barely fit two fingers in her. Nor should it be age. Im only 18.

Any ideas or help will really help. Could this just be first time jitters? or something else? Thanks again.

I wouldn't worry - this is only your first time! If you try it a few more times and still don't like it, then I'd give a passing thought to the matter. The important thing now is to forget about not liking it - if you go to have sex again and you're worrying about not liking it again, you won't like it. You'll have a better time if you go into your next sexual experience expecting to like it.

Thanks for the kind words. I'll try it out a few more times too see what happens and I'll just focus on making sure she get all the pleasure. Thanks.

The first time came be a stressfull time, you're busy worrying about what you should be doing/how it should feel/if she is happy and not just relaxing and enjoying it.


It probably is just first time jitters, as etoile says look forward to your next sexual experience, if you convince yourself you won't like it then the mind will rule over your matter.



try and relax a little, loosen up and enjoy it

I'm wondering a few things...

First, you said you used a condom. Good man. My question: did it feel too tight when you first put it on? And by any chance, was it an extended pleasure condom? Those can sometimes have numbing agents that render you incapable of much feeling, which is supposed to make you last longer.

If it was too tight, then it could have affected the way it felt when you were inside her.

But more than likely, etoile and enligsh lady are right. First-time jitters can take MANY forms. Maybe this is what yours are like.

S.

I used a standard condom, it was acctually marked "thin". It didnt feel tight at all, but then again I wouldnt know how to tell if a condom was tight. Earlier in the day we were both really horny but we didnt have a condom. She begged me to stick in in for a little while, so I did. Now that I think about it I remember it feeling quite good.

Maybe it is the condom. Generally the biggest thing that I am worried about is that I barely felt a thing. Not sure if you realize what I am saying when I say NOTHING. The only way I could tell that I was in her was the look on her face. I want it to feel good more then anything. She has given me blow jobs before and they feel SSSSOOOO good. I never get off though it just sends me into my own world of pleasure. I can easily get myself off masturbating and with a little more practice I know she will be able to out do me when it comes to hand jobs.

Hopefully it is nothing. This post just let me get a couple things off my chest. Thats what I love about this place. Thanks for listening. Any other comment would be greatly appreciated.

I hsve to admit as a man that condoms DO take a lot of the sensation out of it... For myself, often times, I don't even come when wearing a condom... and I have been active for over a decade.... For what ever reason, I just don't feel it... but rather than worry, take advantage of it! Know that it just means that you can "be a stud" and last all night.... work on learning how to pleasure her, and you will find that the sheer act of giving her so much pleasure will enhance yours... often times for me, If I have a condom on, I don't manage to come unless she is in the middle of a mind blowing orgasm.... induced by me of course...

just my two cents worth... a bit rambling, and I probably over charged, but oh well...

a few suggestions

polyurthane condoms

unlubed condoms

Sorry, I am sure I would have more but I just tasted rye bread with sesame seeds and I can't get that gruesome taste out of my mind, there so many things I would rather taste...

Well I think Ive figured it all out now. My girl friend was just over and we got down to the lov'n. The first time was just like last time execpt worse. I think I must havent got a little bored because about 10 min into it I pulled back a little to far anyway, I was to soft to get back in felt really bad after that but she comforted me, climbed up on top and turned me right back on. This time I told her I would grab a special condom (one with bumps) and focus on her, but by time I found the condom and got back over to her I was soft again. Felt bad about that one too, acctually really frustrated and really bad. But my baby is the best. She told me she loved me and made me feel a lot better about it. She wanted to try again but I asked if we could just stop. She said sure lets just go watch some TV.

We went and did that for a while. She started to get really tired and started falling asleep. Being the curious guy that I am and since we were both naked I told her to just relax. I started playing around and she started to wake up and get all turned on again. She really wanted to have sex again but I didnt really want to I just wanted to play. After some talking I agreed to stick it in quickly without a condom. Wow it felt so good to be in her. I got harder then I have ever been and ... WOW. We moved around a bit more but being the concerned teens we are we stopped slapped on a condom and then the pleasure went away again. I kept it up until we tried to move into a different position.

Anyway from what I experienced without the condom I am almost completely sure that the condom is causing me the problems. Without it things were so much better. We talked and if things dont get any better we are going to posible switch to the pill. Can anyone give me any suggestions to what I could try that might make things better? Is it worth the risk to have sex without a condom and pull out? I know all about precum and I am really worried about that, but i heard that using a foam and pulling out is almsot as good as a condom.

Also after the night was done. We were just lying together naked. I started playing with myself and asked her if she would mind if I just kept playing. She didnt care (acctually I think it turned her on). So off I went, but I couldnt get my self off. I guess I was too nervous or something but I just couldnt do it.

Overall I think it has mainly something to do with the condoms and then a bit to do with me. So we will keep trying and see what happens and if you keep posting your ideas Ill keep trying them and Ill figure out what works best. Thanks again.

I'd definitely try the polyurethane condoms before I'd have her trying out the pill.

When you mean you feel "nothing"- is it the lack of friction? the heat? I guess I'm asking for more of what you did feel and not what you think you missed out on.

Obviously going condom-free you'll feel more direct contact with her, but obviously you still must've felt something.

Watcher of All said:

Anyway from what I experienced without the condom I am almost completely sure that the condom is causing me the problems. Without it things were so much better. We talked and if things dont get any better we are going to posible switch to the pill. Can anyone give me any suggestions to what I could try that might make things better? Is it worth the risk to have sex without a condom and pull out? I know all about precum and I am really worried about that, but i heard that using a foam and pulling out is almsot as good as a condom.

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Sounds like you have the main problem figured out...

Now, to those questions. I'm sure there are others here who can give you more detailed answers than I can when it comes to protection. But I do have to respond to "Is it worth the risk to have sex without a condom and pull out?" Well, that's up to you and your girlfriend. She can get pregnant easily, even if you do pull out, and you know that. Is a child something you are ready for? If the answer is no, then you answered your own question.

Something else you might not have thought about...pulling out can be very, very difficult for a guy to do. In the middle of something that feels SO damn good, your mind tends to take a backseat to your body...and you might not remember to pull out until it is too late. Getting carried away in the heat of passion is something that is VERY likely.

There are vaginal inserts (foam) that contain nonoxynol-9, and those inserts are supposed to be enough, according to the information on the package. (I'm looking at the 'Safe and Sure' brand right now.) However, I have also heard of a few studies floating around out there that say spermicidal inserts don't do much good when it comes to preventing pregnancy. Using inserts is probably better than pulling out...but it might not be good enough for peace of mind.

Using the pill is something that seriously messes with her hormones, and it might take a very long time before she and her doctor figure out the pill that is right for her. Besides that, there are many side effects to the pill. Those side-effects really bother some women, while others have only pleasant experiences with the pill. There is also the depo shot, but of course that has side-effects as well. There are other options, such as the IUD, but those are more for women who do not intend to have children anytime in the near future, or who have already finished having the children they want to have.

Have the two of you thought about having her fitted for a diaphragm? It's a possibility, though I understand that it takes a while to learn to use one properly. You can find a complete listing of birth control methods by visiting your local health department or community clinic.

So far as condoms...try different brands. There are so many options out there, it's mind-boggling. Experiment and see what you find. In the meantime, if nothing else works, vaginal sex WITH a condom might give you both a degree of pleasure, then get off in other ways...her hand, her mouth? There are many other ways...thrusting between her thighs (though be careful with that one, it's tempting to penetrate her!), between her breasts...masturbating for each other...using different sensations, such as silk scarves or different lubes...the possibilities are endless. While you are experimenting to find what works, and while you are both researching other methods of protection, find alternatives.

But please...don't have sex without protection unless you are fully prepared for the possibility of a child.

Sorry for the rambling!

S.

sheath said:

Sorry for the rambling!

S.

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no dont be sorry at all. That was very helpful. You are completely right. We are not ready to have a kid so I guess we will have to try other brands of condoms and perhaps another method of protection. Do you have a good website we could visit to do some reasearch?

As for the pill we are planning on looking into it. Nothing to serious yet still so many other things to try. Again does anyone have any good websites on the pill? I know there are a couple different versions and types. Thanks again.

This is an excellent site to use, just starting out in research on contraceptive methods. It is sponsored by Emory University, and I have always heard that Emory is one of the leading universities for research. The advantages and disadvantages of each method are explained very clearly.



Contraceptive Options

S.

Sheath has some really good suggestions. However, i would caution you not to wait to explore more birth control options. You and your girlfriend should take a trip to your local Planned Parenthood, university health center, free clinic, or family doctor THIS WEEK!!!! Don't just rely on the internet. Your girlfriend should talk to a doctor pronto (and any good boyfriend would accompany her to her appointment)!
Also, there are alot of negative things posted on this message board about the pill. Please don't avoid the pill just b/c of that. Yes, it can take a long time to explore different pills with the doctor (or the patch), but you can use condoms during any adjustment periods. It is true that *some* pills can decrease *some* women's sex drive. This has happened to me even, but i went to my doctor and changed pills and it improved alot. Also, having 80% sex drive and peace of mind that you won't get pregnant is worth much more than having 100% sex drive and using a much less reliable birth control method (i.e., condoms alone, spermicide, etc) in my book.
Good luck!

Okay thank you all for your suggestions a comments. I will look in the yellow pages this week to see what we have near my house in terms of a health clinic. Im assuming that these places will take coinfidence into consideration? Especially since we are both 18 and living with parents still

I will also get my girlfriend over some time and we will read over some of the methods on the site sheath provided.

Thank you all. If you want I can keep you all informed. All your help and support means alot to me. Thank you.

Watcher of All said:

Okay thank you all for your suggestions a comments. I will look in the yellow pages this week to see what we have near my house in terms of a health clinic. Im assuming that these places will take coinfidence into consideration? Especially since we are both 18 and living with parents still

I will also get my girlfriend over some time and we will read over some of the methods on the site sheath provided.

Thank you all. If you want I can keep you all informed. All your help and support means alot to me. Thank you.

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In certain communities, the local Board of Health also provides that kind of information for free (being budget minded here!).

As rest assured that your information is held in the strictest of confidence. It's nice to see young people such as you so considerate of ALL the aspects of sex. It's nice to see the BOTH of you taking slow deliberate steps to assure each other.

Hats off to you.

I agree with what all the others posted-having sex wiyh a "raincoat" on is not much fun. If you are not tremendously endowed up front you might find a lot of condoms too big and loose, I know as I have experienced what you went through with my first girlfriend when I was in college.You might want to try "Beyond Seven" a which is better fiiting umbrella and more conductive of friction and heat.Good luck.

One of the things that can be fun is just in experimenting with all of these different brands of condoms until you find out which one gives you the most satisfaction.

My husband and I have been together for nearly ten years and have almost always used condoms as our preferred method of birth control. We have tried many kinds and as it has already been stated they very widely.

Our favourites are the Durex Avanti. They are very thin polyurethane. We are both in agreement that the latex condoms are awful, but these are excellent. In fact on occasion Mr K will have to 'check' and make sure it's still there, because it really feels for him like nothing at all.

The other thing is, when you are putting the condom on, are you making sure to put a little dollop of lube inside/on your penis as well? I am always amazed at how many people don't know to do this. Usually the way Mr K and I work it is that while he is getting the packet open, I put a bit of lube in my hand and work it all over his cock, then either he or I roll the condom on and give it a little massage. If there is no lube (actual lube, not a lubricated condom mind you - those are crap) between your skin and the condom surface, well I am not surprised you are experiencing problems with sensation.

Tell you girlfriend to think long and hard before going on the pill. My personal position is that I am not comfortable with the idea of loading my body up with all sorts of synthesized hormones, and I don't think the increased rates of breast cancer, uterine cancer etc etc among younger and younger women is just some random thing. But that is my choice. Please encourage her to read as much as she can on the subject (and not just the info put out by the drug companies that manufacture these products, please) and to talk to her doctor about any questions or concerns she may have.

Again thanks for all your input. Its been a great help.

Lust Engine said:

One of the things that can be fun is just in experimenting with all of these different brands of condoms until you find out which one gives you the most satisfaction.

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This does sounds like fun. Maybe we will take a little trip down to Toronto to the Condom shack and pick out a couple packs hehehe I'm starting to see this as an advantage instead of a downer.

btw we used Trojan "thin" latex condoms with spermicidal lubricant

Watcher of All said:

hehehe I'm starting to see this as an advantage instead of a downer.

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You are going to have SO much fun with the experimenting! Just wait till you see the options. Condom and sex shops can boggle the mind, not to mention other things.

And besides that, searching for a solution to the problem will probably bring you and your girlfriend closer together in a sexual sense, and that is ALWAYS a good thing!

S.

sheath said:

You are going to have SO much fun with the experimenting! Just wait till you see the options. Condom and sex shops can boggle the mind, not to mention other things.

And besides that, searching for a solution to the problem will probably bring you and your girlfriend closer together in a sexual sense, and that is ALWAYS a good thing!

S.

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Above & beyond choosing condoms, there's an entire array of OTHER toys out there that the both of them haven't even begun to scratch the surface with yet!

It sounds as though these two are gonna be in for some fun as well as some more bonding... among other things!

Kudos!

wow ... that kinda gets me horny just thinking about it .... no wait it gets me really horny

Things have got better though. Still using thoose dame old condoms though. I havent gotten off yet but we just finished having sex for about a hour in one session and then about an hour and a half in a second. Try all the new posisions is so fun. Cant wait to start trying out the condoms and see what works best. Thank you all for all your help.

peachykeen said:

The other thing is, when you are putting the condom on, are you making sure to put a little dollop of lube inside/on your penis as well? I am always amazed at how many people don't know to do this. Usually the way Mr K and I work it is that while he is getting the packet open, I put a bit of lube in my hand and work it all over his cock, then either he or I roll the condom on and give it a little massage. If there is no lube (actual lube, not a lubricated condom mind you - those are crap) between your skin and the condom surface, well I am not surprised you are experiencing problems with sensation.

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VERY good point! I stumbled across that little trick with a lover a few years back, and I was amazed at the difference in the sex. In one instant, condoms stopped being a problem.

I wonder why they don't mention that trick on the condom package? They should.

S.

Not really a condom problem but relating to "first time problems", was a couple of weeks ago i had my first time although techincally i think im still a virgin as no "conclusion" was met on my behalf. She wasnt a virgin but the last guy must not have been as big as myself. Anyway things didnt get very far as after the the initial penetration she asked to stop as it was hurting her anyone else had similar problems? help !!